Awesome or what!

"Summer" - From Vivaldi's Four Seasons



This bayan (Russian accodion) player is Ukrain-born Alexander Hrustevich. And I'm blown away.

Subconscious connections

Overhead in the news a few days ago that a Haitian man was pulled out of a rubble alive after being buried inside there for 11 days.

Actually, long before the news came out, I was already thinking about cockroaches, which are known for their ability to stay alive for weeks despite being decapitated.

Incredible resilience!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Overhead on my morning walk/jog as I overtook two Indian ladies who occupied the entire five-foot path as they were walking abreast (and not in an Indian file).

"You know, I checked his compo and I asked if he knows how to write."

"..."

"They are all small words. What does he expect to get with all small words?"

I recalled then I read somewhere that Indian men have, within Asia, among the largest reproductive organs.

I wonder if the matchmakers would go, "It is all so small. What does he expect to get...?"

Size queens?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A student who was stricken with chicken pox came to school despite getting a 7-day medical leave from the doctor.

She was probably concerned about her status as a guest student at the school, or she might have been shut out of the flat that she shared with two other schoolmates.

The school did not wish to have anything to do with the student as she was a guest and she wasn't putting up at the school hostel.

Her teachers were only too eager to get her to go home.

As I sat listening to this, images of ebola and leprosy came to my mind.

It's only chicken pox, a childhood disease. It is pitiful enough that a student far away from home is stricken with it.

Is chicken pox the new ebola?

And then I said, "She should be sent to the Communicable Disease Centre, since that's our default quarantine centre."

Are we basically good or basically bad?

Of Virtues and Vices

Patience 1

One of my readers, M. G. wrote that "Patience is only a virtue when it leads to a desired goal."

I think he was referring to stalkers. :)

Patience 2

Patience is the lead up to being patients.

Trying teaching arithmetic or literacy.

Patience 3

Patience is treating a day like an hour.

Either you are god or you are wasting your life away.

Patience 4

Patience is trying to avoid facing the truth.

There is no truer patience than denial.

Patience 5

Patience is waiting after the event to tell someone s/he's wrong.

There is no better test of patience than watching the doomed event blow up so you can earn the right to say, "I told you so."

Patience 6

Patience is counting till ten before you blow up.

The trick is to choose the correct units for counting to ten: seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, fortnights... You get the drift.

Patience 7

Patience is reading this entry in its entirety.

Thank you very much.

They have had enough

Last afternoon, my rice cooker quietly retired. Not a single sound. I didn't even realise it was gone until I walked into the kitchen and checked on the meat I was cooking in it.

The indicator lights were all snuffed out and all I smelt was some hot metallic gas coming out from the pot.

Last night, my wireless, optical mouse stopped moving for good. The battery in it leaked alkaline. When I removed it, I got a minor alkaline burn on my finger tips. A new battery could not make the mouse come alive.

Electronics and electrical items really have an accurate live-till date. Once the date comes, your equipment goes. How exciting.

China Stakes Claim on Santa

Lavender Food Court, SINGAPORE - A China-born Singapore-based foreign talent explains today the genesis of Santa Claus.

According to the Chinese legend, "Sheng Dan Lao Ren", or old man Santa as we know him today, was a homeless old man in China who was so overcome by the cold one winter that every thing on him shrank, except (his) "eggs" (sheng dan).

- Fishy Slippery (Xin Hua) News Agency

Killing Me Softly...

Spent about two hours in the Changi General Hospital's Accident and Emergency Department's Observation Room when I went over for follow-up treatment last Friday. Immediately on entering the room, I was plonked on an empty bed. There was a patient on my left (Bed 7) and an empty bed on my right (Bed 5). No prizes for correctly guessing for my bed number.

Beds 1, 2 and 3 were empty while on Bed 4 lay this Malay guy who was conscious but hooked to various monitors. He's perhaps in his 30s or 40s and if anything, I'd suspect withdrawal symptoms rather than any real medical emergency. But what would I know.

Bed 7 on my left lay a sleeping guy, possibly a national serviceman, wrapped up in his blanket. I was not sure if he's malingering but I was beyond caring now. I had problems of my own to worry about. Bed 8 seemed to be occupied but the patient was blocked by the mass on 7. Bed 9 was empty. Bed 10 lay this Chinese man who looks like he's from China but I might be wrong. Beds 11 and 12 were empty.

I was waiting for my turn to get my CT Scan done. Right after I was made to lie in the bed, my blood pressure was taken and the nurses manning the OR counter began talking about the age of their new patient and his condition. Yak yak yak...

The nurses woke Patient 7 not long after I was settled in and asked if he could manage to go home by himself. I guessed that was the beginning of the long weekend and the hell he couldn't! So, off he went. I saw the gaunt patient on Bed 8. Bed 10 went up for his scan and I waited my turn, when the machine became available.

Before long, Bed 10 seemed to come back down while I fidgeted, went to the loo, was made to sit on a wheelchair, wait in the wheelchair, wheeled up to Radiology, and got my scan done.

Act 1 was complete when the CT machine fired the last x-rays through my skull and possibly semi-cooking my brains. I was wheeled back to the OR and made to get back on my bed.

* * *

"You must drink water. See, ask you to drink water, you don't want to drink? Today you're back in here again." So goes the son to his father, the patient on Bed 8.

"Yesteday, we came here and you were vomiting. They wanted to put you on the drip and you don't want.

"What can we do now? No point telling me that they use such a big (gauged needle) one on your now, right? Yesterday, if you take, you won't need such a big one.

"You need to drink water. How can you not drink water? Yesterday, when the doctors let you go home, you were told to drink lots of water. But you say the water makes you vomit. Now doctor X cannot do anything for you. God can't do anything for you either.

"Don't worry about anything at home. Everything will be fine. The home will still be there when you go home. You should just stay in here and start drinking water.

"You cannot go home now. See? Even God doesn't want to take you yet. So, how?..."

Apart from some occasional low groans and some raspy, unintelligible sounds, the son persisted on his soliloquy. There was resignation, not anger.

"See? I already take leave today. I got no choice since I have to bring you here. Tomorrow? Tomorrow is Saturday. I don't have to work. And today I take leave to bring you here..."

The battle of making dad drink water was amazing. While I tried to resist turning over to take a look, when sonny left, I sneaked a peek. Old man seemed to be burning. His face is flush reddish purple and his lips were dry and chapped. His eyes were listless as he stared out into the clinically white lighted room, his mouth gaping like a beached goldfish gasping for air.

* * *

"Oh, Mr So-so. I'm your doctor. I've just seen your radiology report. I think you have got a mini-stroke. You know, a TIA..."

Man, I know a TIA. It's short for transient ischaemic attack. I just watched it for the third time on Royal Pains the night before. Oh shit, what if I had a TIA from the car accident...

The patient on Bed 10 must be pretty taken aback. Stroke? How is that possible? He looked perfectly normal. Normal weight range, normal everything.

"Mr So-so, TIA is like a stroke. You see your films? There is this dark region. The blood flow to the area is affected."

I could almost see myself spouting these lines. Man, when I go to the US for studies, I'm going to audition for a role in some medical drama. I could play the role of a plastic surgeon who gets a patient who wants a pair of 38H and midway into the headlights enhancement operation, she had a TIA, wakes up after emergency rescue and decides that, for the sake of her fragile life, she wants a pair of 42L instead. The patient's name? Miss Giant Parts Greenberg. ;)

"We don't know if there is permanent damage. No. You cannot go home. You must stay in the hospital and we need to treat you. We will find out the extent of the blockage and see if you have any permanent damage here.

Such words were not exactly the most comforting to me, since I'm also waiting for the CT scan results.

Doctor turned to Patient 10's wife and asked, "Do you know if he complained of any weaknesses on one side of his body...?"

A poignant Miss Saigon moment descends. I feel walls in my heart closing in, I can't breathe, I can't win...

* * *

I had quite enough by then. Between the time I was sent for the scan and my return, which was less than 15 minutes, the OR room dynamics had changed. There was now a Patient 5 on my right now and he was offered lunch. That junior category senior even asked to see the lunch menu. He really thinks that when the ambulance crew euphemistically call hospitals hotels, they are thus hotels? Crazy.

Patient 1 was an old man/woman - honestly, when you are old and shrivelled up, no one can tell your sex any more - and s/he was sleeping. Or maybe unconscious. S/he is awaiting admission.

Bed 2 was occupied by a huge Indian lady who was to be admitted. When the enrolled nurses asked her to sit up, they asked her, "Can you sit up?" and then asked if the bed, which was supposed to wheel her to her ward, could support her weight. Somehow, after watching Nurse Jackie, I feel strangely comforted.

On Bed 3 was a Malay old man who wanted to be given his painkillers, forget about any treatment and scoot home soonest possible. He looked like he wished to be home, never mind should anything happen to him. I doubt he was of dischargable patient calibre but to subject a senior category senior citizen to more treatment seemed brutal. And what do I know? I'm just an aspiring medical drama quack.

Patient 4 was more sober by then. Maybe they injected a little something into him? I was not sure. By then, I was already pretty much killed inside by the flurry of bad news and the negative vibes.

"Can I leave this place?" I asked the nurses. "I wanna get lunch."

"Do you have relatives with you?"

"No, I came alone. Oh, never mind. How long will this take?"

"About 1 hour."

"1 hour? I can wait. It's just another 15 minutes."

In an environment where it's bad news galore - the sign at the OR entrance
read, "Due to high occupancy, you will only be allocated your bed in the wards when it becomes available," or something to that effect - find an excuse and get out before your heart gives out when your news come.

Still, high occupancy rates in "Cannot Go Home" Hospital? Amazing. Singaporeans must be damned desperate to go there.

As I waited, there was a fresh commotion in the nurses area about how they intend to complain about a staff nurse or doctor who passed disparaging remarks about the hospital. Apparently, the fellow said something like, "No wonder people say Changi is a bad hospital. If I had a family member who was ill and needed to go to the hospital, I wouldn't even send them (sic!)here." And to make matters worse, this utterance was made in front of the public. Apparently, the OR nightingales are going to launch a joint attack on the hawk by claiming that he was out of line, unprofessional and whatever.

Ah, at least some bitching near my comfort levels. I don't know what transpired but the nightingales seemed perturbed enough to say words to the effect that Changi is a great hospital and if any of their loved ones fall sick, they would have no qualms to send them here because of the high levels of care. Oddly, I feel a little more confident, even if Changi is not even on my shortlist for anything.

* * *

1.15 pm. The wait was getting unbearable. The OR was not exactly changing much in terms of patient numbers but there was clearly a need to get rid of bed hoggers. My case came up for review at the counter. A re-triage of sorts.

"This patient looks all right."

"Yah, 29 years old..." - goddammit, there is ABSOLUTELY no one who's 29 in the OR! I'm the youngest and I'm way past 30! - "and the signs are stable. Blood pressure ok."

"Ok, let me call Radiology."

29 years old? Ha! I was 29 once. But how could they work out my age to be 29 when that was half a decade ago?

"Hello, Radiology? A&E OR ah. Can I discharge this patient? We need the beds."

The next thing, I was told I could leave the observation room.

At that moment, I knew there was nothing very serious. But honestly, the lack of privacy in the OR and the deluge of bad news bombarding the patients in the room can rapidly cause anyone to slip into a transient depression. The what-ifs can really be heart stopping and mind blowing.

I quickly bundled out of the OR and went back to the waiting area, where the doctor walked out of his consultation room and asked for another 2 hours to clear my case as the senior enough radiologist wasn't available to countersign on my CT report and a verbal ok from Radiology and from only one radiologist wasn't good enough to get me discharged as an emergency case.

Still, being able to get out of the A&E for a quick lunch and some shopping to remove the negative thoughts and vibes that plague the free mind - despite the giddiness from the mild concussion - can be a little uplifting.

Inauspicious Homonyms

We often say auspicious words to friends and family members when we go visiting during the Chinese New Year. But the financial tsunami has led to a perversion of some terms because of homonymity. Some are really hilarious. Here's some for your reading pleasure.

财源滚滚(裁员滚滚) [cai2 yuan2 gun3 gun3]
Overflowing with riches. (Meaning of homonym: Fervent retrenchments)

招财进宝(遭裁禁饱) [zhao1 cai2 jing4 bao3]
Attracting riches and pocketing treasures (Got retrenched; can't eat till I'm full [not enough food])

万事如意(万市如忆) [wan4 shi4 ru2 yi4]
Everything will be as you wish (All [booming financial] markets are only in your memory)

心想事成(薪饷四成) [xin1 xiang3 shi4 cheng2]
Your heart's wishes (Pay is cut to 40%)

鸿图大展(红屠大斩) [hong2 tu2 da4 zhan3]
Opportunities to flaunt your ambition (A bloody massacre)

财源广进(裁员广尽) [cai2 yuan2 guang3 jing4]
Getting vast riches and treasures (Retrench to the last person)

Now do you know why many Chinese have banned these terms for this Lunar New Year?

Chinese New Year Wet Blanket

There is no such thing as a celebration without good food. Good food, by commonsense definition, is food that is neither good for your heart (or for that matter, all your organs, except for taste) nor waistline. So here is what the newspaper supplement has to tell us about the goodies that we stuff our faces with during Chinese New Year. Of course, I'll tell you what I think!

Fried battered nian gao (55 g) - 224 Cal, 5.4 g fat.
Nian gao, the gooey, glutinous mass of sugared flour cake, is a must have for Chinese New Year. It signifies "progress with every step". If you love to eat it, go ahead and eat it. Otherwise, do what I do - I buy it, display it, mould it and dump it.

Roast duck 3 (paper thin) slices (60 g) - 143 Cal, 10 g fat.
I think this is a conspiracy. All other times, I bet you the whole roast duck is 143 Cal! Unfortunately, roast duck is a perennial favourite year round and if your waistline doesn't seem to be shrinking despite your trillion crunches a day, perhaps it is time to reconsider to duck the duck.

Braised dried oysters with mixed vegetables and fatt choy (60 g) - 50 Cal, 4 g fat.
Dietiticians of the world ought to be shot! And then shot and shot and shot and shot... you get the message. Can you imagine how small a 60 g portion of this delicacy is? I cannot imagine that this is... ok, 50 Cal. It's not as bad a 3 paper thin slices of roast duck. But still!

Tossed fish salad (100 g) - 145 Cal, 11 g fat.
The tossed fish salad represents brisk business and many people go through at least a good handful of meals featuring this Cantonese favourite. One way of reducing the fat and calorie content is to avoid adding all the oil into the salad. Ask for half or a third of the bowl of oil to be added. Each gram of fat less could help reduce the calorie count a little. Trust me, it ain't that bad with less oil.

Chicken curry with coconut milk (220 g) - 342 Cal, 28 g fat.
I have yet to figure why anyone would eat chicken curry (a dish typically served to visitors at wakes) during Chinese New Year. It is as though the "heat" and the overly rich foods aren't enough to overload your poor stomach that you need to add to its burden by drinking copious coconut milk! I mean, aren't we happier eating pineapple tarts, bak kwa, kueh lapis, love letters and other artery clogging items?

Pineapple tarts (20 g) - 82 Cal, 4 g fat.
Kueh lapis (50 g) - 247 Cal, 19 g fat.
Bak kwa aka jerky 3 coin pieces (45 g) - 180 Cal, 6 g fat.
Love letters 3 pieces (40 g) - 172 Cal, 5 g fat.
One cannot help but need to place these four items together because almost each household one visits during the Chinese New Year will bombard guests with versions of these. It is hard to accept that a pop a mouthful goodies can be so chockful of calories. 82 calories for a pineapple tart! My goodness you tart! What hedonistic abandon! A slice of two bite kueh lapis makes you go for another and before you know it, you probably have eaten three slices. That's about the calorific equivalent of a place of wanton noodles! The other culprit for the grow in your hips moment is bak kwa aka jerky. Trust me - there is absolutely no f**king way to stop at 45 g. I confess I could polish off five times of that without breaking into a sweat! Melt in your mouth love letters are another of your worst enemies. Many friends can easily clean out half a tin - that's a whopping 30 pieces! Now, with these wonderful food friends, who needs enemies?

Other food items to add more dampener to your already dripping wet blanket:
Peanuts (20 g, about 15 or a handful) - 120 Cal, 10 g fat.
Melon seeds (8 g, about 1 tbs) - 30 Cal, 3 g fat.
Mandarin orange (116 g, 1 whole) - 51 Cal, 0.3 g fat.
Kueh bangkit (18 g or 3 pieces) - 69 Cal, 2 g fat.
Sharksfin with crabmeat (295 g, half a bowl or better known as two mouthfuls) - 162 Cal, 7 g fat.

I wonder why our bodies NEVER adapt to the better world we are in and learn to burn more energy with less activity. I am sure there must be a genetic flaw.

Meanwhile, Happy Chinese New Year. I hear the new wardrobe calling.

Happy Samhain

A friend wished me Happy Samhain when we chatted this morning.

Interesting.

Getting work done in Grad School

Happen to chance upon this little article called Academic Tipping Guidelines and it was funny.

I wonder if the folks would take Al's cookies for tips. On hindsight, maybe not. He'll poison them and I'll be stuck in grad school.

Maybe I'll use Stern's Blue Bell ice-cream. But do they use Imported-From-China, melamine-laced milk?

Hell, what am I to do? Oh, I'll use those Lehman notes from Shade. I'm sure those will work.

The Blame Game

Now that the shit has hit the roof, people start finger pointing and blaming others for their misery.

It's true. People never look at themselves and ask themselves what they have done wrong. They never stop and wonder how they could have waded into the mess, even if they had done so willingly.

For the record, I am dead against bailing out the Lehman Brothers' Highnotes holders. People who have a case should pursue a legal solution to the matter. Otherwise, stop begging for handouts. Or blaming others.

Prove to me that greed was not the underlying impetus of all the actions of those burnt by the recent financial meltdown. If you loan money to the loansharks so that you can earn more, who are you to blame when the loansharks run away?

Greed, one of the cardinal sins. Pay back time cometh!

Gleefully watches as the sharemarkets continue their exploration 20 000 leagues under the sea.

Plain Sailing Not

Along with the rest of the flotilla, people who managed to build their own seacraft went along the adventure to mine gold and capture slaves. Their intention was to ravage whatever they manage to land their hands on.

To move as quickly as possible from point to point, they designed their craft to be able to take in lots of water to lower their centres of gravity. Many people were also not the least interested to know if their craft were sea-worthy; they believed calm seas and excellent weather will prevail indefinitely.

As the fleet travel around to plunder, the captains had not watched the tides. They had not upkept their vessels. They did not watch the exact capacity their craft can withstand. They loaned big time to undertake voyages way beyond their ken. They had even forgotten that people were beginning to treat them like pillaging pirates.

And as luck would have it, the entire fleet ran aground on a sand bank as they were navigating a treacherous stretch of narrow waterway with erratic tides. And as luck would have it, the tides started going out.

Thinking that the tides would soon return, people urged their captains to unload the water in the vessel holds. The added water allowed limited movement but this gave the people onboard renewed hopes. Even without reaching their destination, they plundered "offline" from their boats. They shortsold, overbought, essentially trading nothing for money. Everyone still hoped to make a quick one.

As the water levels receded further than expected, people in the trapped vessels are begin to worry. Still they were still frantically plundering continually. They made the captains release whatever water there is in the hull. Alas, the ebbing tides prevailed - the water is all drawn out with the tide. Left high and dry, these "pirates" now expect the littoral states to siphon their water to fill the straits so that they can move off again.

When the surrounding area ran out of water and the waterway was nonetheless dry, the pillagers expect the states to now go around the world to procure water to set them a-sail again.

What they have forgotten is tides ebb and flow. One cannot mess with nature. Once it is time, the natural state will be restored.

Instead of complaining and whining, the bandits should simply divest their gains in exchange for food and water to stay alive on their craft. They should not feel wronged for it was by their free will that they had chosen such a path. However, they pointed fingers at others for their misery. Without spending a single cent, they expect to be fed, clothed and given spending money. Worse, most wanted to live like kings regardless of the current condition.

The way I see it, the littoral states have been complete morons to drain their lakes and channel their water sources to attempt to re-flood the water way. There is no way to do that now. What they should have done earlier was to have stopped these opportunists from stripping them of their resources in exchange for more "returns".

Any system that is overrun by human greed ought to be punished. If the righteous and the honest (and perhaps too the timid) are not complaining here, why should people who have made their lives so miserable be complaining?

Why should anyone bail out your poorly performing investments? Everyone who invests should know the risk they are taking. Ignorance is not an acceptable defence.

Don't expect anyone to bail you out. No one has the moral obligation to do so. Even if they could, they should not. After all, did you spread your wealth around when we were in the heights of your pillaging?

I take little comfort to be in a position like this. But I do know that when you play big, be ready to lose big. And take it like a big boy.

The (Bad) Writing on the Wall

Reluctantly, when all else have lost the ability to bring another round of oohs and aahs after the rush of yet another over the top euphoria at the exchange, the hidden weapon was unleashed.

It was the last thing the phobic leaders wanted to do. To unlease this device could mean dependence on it for a long time. The leaders fear silence on the Street as people flock to enDow their Jones.

Different genes, different sizes. Some countries offer the weenies, while others, the FTSEs. Others like theirs Hang Seng while some, like TW, like them Weighted. Some are so SET in their ways that bootleg KOSPIs (copies) of the magic wand have reared their ugly heads.

Still, to keep the XDAX in NASDAQ, the ultimate comfort weapon, the cash d*ldo had to be taken out from the deepest recesses of the bank vaults of the various central banks. These used to be the singular weapon of pleasure for the you-know-who but now it has to be shared among everyone because there is a sense hanging in the air that with equal misery come equal pleasure. Or so we hope.

Unfortunately, time will prove once again that the ultimate weapon would be shoved up the wrong hole.

Round 2: Commonsense 0 Greed + Fear + Stupidity 1

It had to happen.

I'm expecting it, anyway, the bailout.

Now watch the financial inferno implode.

Round 1: Commonsense 1 Greed 0

Commonsense prevailed.

Sanity prevailed.

Congress voted off the US$700 billion salvation package.

Those who lived within their means are saved.

Now watch the greedy ones.

Muahahaha.....

Overheard

"Papa, paaaa paaaaah! Last night Disney Pixar called me. They asked me if I wanted my own movie."

"..."

"I told them I don't want, but my papa would want a movie of his life."

"..."

"Then they asked me what is the title of the movie."

"..."

"I told them, "Pigg-E"

Why can't I?

At my writing workshop earlier this week, hot Italian babe of an exchange student asked why she ain't allowed to make radical claims when writing an academic essay. It's *her* essay, (goddammit), and what's wrong with wanting to be radical and extreme.

It took me a long time to explain to her and the class - yes, the group of sycophants who quickly aligned with her once the question was broached - why academic writing had to be reasoned and reasonable. I had to explain why qualifiers were needed, why bare overgeneralisations were not acceptable, why the chosen position must be defensible etc etc.

After a long while, I got them to see that academic knowledge making would be a joke if everyone made ludicrous claims and the biggest braggart wins.

When I was recounting to my boss, she said, "That's why we have academic writing and creative writing." Finally, a glimpse of how the academic writing researchers see creative writing researchers!

What I don't know about Karma

Probligo and I had had a wonderful conversation about my problem-child status. We came to the conclusion that neither of us were Smarties.

A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an
airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants
to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely
declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and
explains that it's a real easy game. He explains,"I ask a question and
if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and
if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely
declines and tries to sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't
know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay
you $50!" Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the
game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from
the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands
the Programmer $5.

Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer,"What goes up a
hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at
him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through
all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands
the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and
tries to return to sleep.

The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the
question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands
$5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.

Yeah, we both don't know. But I can guess he's probably a programmer or an engineer while I'm just the manager pushing the buttons. Heh!

So, the new Fermat's (Last + 1) Conjecture is now: What next to seek so that Enlightenment is possible.

The issue of karma was probably obliquely mentioned somehow but I am sure if it did, we did not give it a good airing.

So, my question will be: Who is in charge of calculating Karma? I don't know if this is rhetorical. But there is a belief that if you kill a cockroach (for example) so that by ending its life, you could help it get reborn into a higher realm of existence, apparently, it won't happen. Part of the explanation is that the cockroach is so used to its existence that it could not adjust its mindset fast enough to allow it to move out of that realm of existence.

I want to know if there is another way out of rebirth other than Enlightenment and finally Nirvana.

In Response to Probligo

I have written the entry on "What I Still Don't Know" because I had thought about things that could be premature to be discussed. But that does not mean that the seed could not be planted in people's minds and allowed to germinate.

I recall how Siddharta sought out many teachers and tried many forms of cultivation, including asceticism, before he managed to ward off Mara the temptress and attain Nirvana.

He sought to free himself and all sentient beings from suffering the whole time he cultivated himself. When he was cultivating himself under different teachers, he was not taught to not crave, not cling, not desire. But he had realised that life was suffering but he was not sure why. That was why he left home and started practicing the way which he hoped would end suffering.

It was after a long time of cultivating himself and finally discovering the power of meditation in helping him focus on the true problems that plague all living things. During his meditation sessions, he also recalled his previous lives and much more, before coming to the realisation that life's sufferings are caused by greed, craving and clinging. Prior to that, Mara the temptress came and tempted him big time to end his search for Enlightenment.

I ask what is the next big thing that the coming Buddha, Bohdisattva Matreiya needed to "discover" so that he would be able to take the final step towards Buddha-hood.

Religion cannot be forever stuck in some backwaters. A progressive religion that desires to stay the course needs to cater to the needs of the people. A religion that stops moving with the times will fall apart.

Human needs are innate and irrational. And in times of spiritual ruins, a saint or a prophet or a buddha usually comes to help the people out: Moses received the 10 Commandments and went on to achieve great things. Prophet Mohammed brought Islam to the people. Of course, I don't know how people treat Moses - is he a saint?

Buddhists had different Buddhas come and probably left teachings behind. Our scriptures bear testimony to this fact. The last Buddha left the lessons on clinging and greed. We know the lessons. Whether we can cultivate our faculties to overcome such inner demons remain insurmountable challenges for many of us.

But clinging and greed are not the most debilitating of ills that people are facing now. True, clinging and greed do undergird many of these ills but there must be some new lessons that need to be learnt.

For instance, letting go. Or having the magnanimity and graciousness not to take offense over every single thing. But these are lessons already made known. Our parents always told us to let our younger siblings "win" or have their ways, regardless. Isn't that obvious to all?

I don't claim to be religiously smart. So you may be right - I may have walked past the next cause for Nirvana and not realise it. But what I lament is the fact that I have not cultivated my mental acuity to know that I have let something precious slip by me, if it had.

Yet weirdly, if I go after spiritual awakening, it could be about greed; deep down, it's a part of "greed" to want to be more "sensitive" than the common man. This is not righteous. At least not in my opinion.

If you have read my posts, I told you about my experience in Sri Lanka, before the tsunami. If I had been able to warn people accurately about all these things, I might have done some good. But then, I might also be regarded as obstructing god's wrath and stopping people from getting their condign judgement and punishment. Or I could just be treated as a fortune teller, and nothing more.

I have to admit I honestly do not know. What is the next thing that we should awaken in our pursuits to become freed from the cycle of life and death?

Christians believe in no after life. I am not here to say whether this is right or wrong. People are free to choose and believe in their religions. But don't force one's beliefs down another's throat. I'd say if all who believed in the Christian God went to heaven, heaven is going to be really packed by now. But that's a thought. And, if not for the sake of illustration, I would have let it remain a thought.

I have had Christian friends whose sole purpose in life is to politely run down other religions and claim that all other religions arose from Christianity. I do not go into any discussions on such things. These people even attempt to rationalise things like why the Chinese word for murderer and brother sounded identical to claim that China used to be a Christian state. I listen politely, even if I disagree, and seek the first available instance to end the conversation. Such discussions do not interest me.

What good does it make for us to regressively trace things just to prove superiority? I am more interested to see how things will develop as we move in the new direction. Moreover, I do not preach my religion - my only claim is that my religion is one of choice and lifestyle. I am a lip-service Buddhist, if you force me to label myself.

Marketing a religion is an interesting concept but unless that brings about a new level of awareness and discovery about the true meaning of life, the product is hard to sell. The sellers would end up merely going through the motions.

So, to say what I think I thought but am sure I really don't know, I somehow feel that the loss of a soul, some kind of identity, could be the next big thing. Something different from the id, ego or superego. Different from the idea of self, of I, me, my and mine. I can't place a finger on it but I would like to propose that it is more like the idea of the incarnation of the pure-self.

When we are conceived, we are probably the purest at that moment. Those cells were probably not programmed or intended to strap bombs to thenselves and detonate them to kill others. It is the development of a consciousness that we become who we are. Could it then be the control of the consciousness so that we are able to return to the state of the pure-self?

I really don't know.(I really dislike these four words, because one of my tutors did it to me when I asked her a question. She took out her handkerchief, spread it open, buried her face in it, looked up at me, took a deep breath and said, "I really don't know, Eugene." And then I got scolded after class for asking that Aussie Grandma "difficult Grammar questions".) This is the first time I actually put pen to paper my thoughts of such a topic. I don't even know if I make sense. But I certainly know there is a long path ahead if I ever want to escape from the cycle of birth and death.

I haven't read Monkey. I'll probably try and make a bid to read it. Since you've got me to this point, Probligo, feel free to add your points of view. We might have different ideas and we can agree to disagree.

Doing "Nothing"

Many people would consider reading as doing "nothing". After all, what's the big effort required in turning pages or flicking the wheel of the mouse down so that your eyes can feed the logos to your brains.

But while everyone thinks time slows down when "nothing" is done, I keep finding myself short of time doing my "nothing".

And I get terribly exhausted too.