Some times, I don't blame her.
I mean, when song writers write songs, they should think about audience perception. Not everyone has the lyrics to the songs and not all singers can sing clearly.
For the longest time, I thought the chorus for Irreplaceable begins with "You must run over me, you must run over me..." and
All the Single Ladies began with "All the single legs, all the single legs..."
I'm not against singers showing off their vocal prowess or song writers trying to show off, but there is a limit to how many syllables can be shoved into a single hemidemisemiquaver note.
In Chinese songs, however, there are songs where the meanings get distorted. For instance,
has its lyrics been spoofed. It used to mean "Love's Anthem" and the new title is "Brother Piggy's Love". This spoof is not without history. Piggy, in Journey to the West (aka Monkey King), used to be a lascivious general in Heaven. He was banished to earth as a pig headed creature for running afoul with Heavenly Laws.
Of course, Jay Chou, with his garbled singing style, has had many of his songs turned R- or X-rated.
The ordinary (wo)man's perverted mind cannot be underestimated. But with all things, there must exist suitable impetus to spur the thoughts. The various poorly written songs and poorly executed songs have definitely played a large role in this.
We of course shall exclude intentionally perverted songs such as "The Horny Goatherd" from this discussion as that is a different story.
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Residents and Inmates
While I blogged the last entry about my semi-addiction to Super Mario Galaxy, I wrote a line about introducing a slower version of the game to the residents of old folks' homes. Residents, I wrote. But many people tend to, for some odd reason, use the word inmates.
The aptness of the word choice never fails to make me sit up and think. In a way, to many of the residents, the OFH is a facility to which they are "inmates." A kind of restraining facility, albeit with no restriction over visitations and homestays, which has to be PAID FOR instead of state provided. Physical movement is constrained to the grounds and there are fixed times for all sorts of activities. It is perhaps really an inmate's life that many are living.
But with more people not marrying and not having children, is there a viable alternative to becoming inmates of OFHs?
The aptness of the word choice never fails to make me sit up and think. In a way, to many of the residents, the OFH is a facility to which they are "inmates." A kind of restraining facility, albeit with no restriction over visitations and homestays, which has to be PAID FOR instead of state provided. Physical movement is constrained to the grounds and there are fixed times for all sorts of activities. It is perhaps really an inmate's life that many are living.
But with more people not marrying and not having children, is there a viable alternative to becoming inmates of OFHs?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wounded dignity is a powerful emotion
Of course, such a gem of an observation can only come from the ever-ascerbic and highly (if not already mostest) cynical Probligo.
Before I get an eyeful in my email, this is a compliment, my dear man. Remember, you are only supposed to sit beside me if you have nothing good to say!
Why, Probligo hit the nail right on the head with this astute observation. But feeling the pain of an wounded dignity is where the lesson ends for many people. Few people would bother to heal the dignity and learn how to avoid further injuries. Of course, another way is to develop a callous around one's dignity till one can laugh off any attempts to turn one into the butt of another's joke. "That's seen to say," one has "learlly" got to be impervious to such insults. "In another words," one decides never to learn.
Oh, by the way, I thought OKE would have added to the list and admonish me for missing out the still infamous "That's seen to say" from my earlier entry. But no, he asked me a question, which, together with Probligo's observation, inspired this entry.
What does one do when one's dignity is wounded, especially academically? One improves oneself through (i) identifying where one has gone wrong, (ii) find out what is the correct way of doing things, and (iii) consciously and persistently make adjustments to correct one's errant ways.
So, what does one read to improve one's English? The answer is already given by Probligo. I've a simpler answer: Anything.
Anything written in proper English is good for reading and learning. Even reading something as simple as Winnie the Pooh helps the reader understand how simple sentences can be effective. Reading more advanced books and articles help one understand how to use phrases and sentences effectively to convey complex and complicated ideas.
Reading is a complex activity. It is not just about taking in the words. It is much much more than that. Probligo has pointed out that people should read for grammar, sentence structure and so on. One should also question diction (word choice, word placement, punctuation) and larger issues such as cohesion and coherence. Idea placement can also determine the emphasis of each sentence and tell the readers about the author's intent and perspective. There are so much that one can glean from even a simple piece of writing.
One common reply I used to get as a bureaucrat is "Ministry X has no objections." When we first write an email to Ministry X, we often ask for their input and often, if they are agreeable with the position that has been set out. One should ask why Ministry X replies with "no objections" rather than "is agreeable" or "supports" etc. Why is it "no objections?"
When we write, why do we choose to front certain ideas while downplaying other ideas? Think of the effects when we write
Singapore's economy shrank 15% in Q1 2009. The figures are smaller than what analysts have predicted, suggesting that the economic downturn may have bottomed out.
vs
Singapore's economy may have bottomed out. Official figures point to a 15% contraction, out-performing the predictions by market watchers and analysts.
While the content is largely similar, writing the first way will shock many people because 15% seems significant. But when you frame it in the second way, people will see 15% as being not as severe. So when you read, you have lots of questions to ask yourself.
By and large, what the Singapore education system needs to incorporate at A levels is to introduce critical reading as a skill. Critical reading has to be explicitly taught. As we are not native EL speakers, we do not get the finer points in writing. Nuances are lost on many of us. We need to learn why people write in certain ways and therefore pick up those writing skills too. That way, we improve our writing.
And no, Probligo. I can't teach 8 to 10 year olds. I'll die before I finish a class. Those mistakes were made by 13 year olds. And I have no intention of ever going back to teaching secondary school English ever again. I'm traumatized enough already.
Before I get an eyeful in my email, this is a compliment, my dear man. Remember, you are only supposed to sit beside me if you have nothing good to say!
Why, Probligo hit the nail right on the head with this astute observation. But feeling the pain of an wounded dignity is where the lesson ends for many people. Few people would bother to heal the dignity and learn how to avoid further injuries. Of course, another way is to develop a callous around one's dignity till one can laugh off any attempts to turn one into the butt of another's joke. "That's seen to say," one has "learlly" got to be impervious to such insults. "In another words," one decides never to learn.
Oh, by the way, I thought OKE would have added to the list and admonish me for missing out the still infamous "That's seen to say" from my earlier entry. But no, he asked me a question, which, together with Probligo's observation, inspired this entry.
What does one do when one's dignity is wounded, especially academically? One improves oneself through (i) identifying where one has gone wrong, (ii) find out what is the correct way of doing things, and (iii) consciously and persistently make adjustments to correct one's errant ways.
So, what does one read to improve one's English? The answer is already given by Probligo. I've a simpler answer: Anything.
Anything written in proper English is good for reading and learning. Even reading something as simple as Winnie the Pooh helps the reader understand how simple sentences can be effective. Reading more advanced books and articles help one understand how to use phrases and sentences effectively to convey complex and complicated ideas.
Reading is a complex activity. It is not just about taking in the words. It is much much more than that. Probligo has pointed out that people should read for grammar, sentence structure and so on. One should also question diction (word choice, word placement, punctuation) and larger issues such as cohesion and coherence. Idea placement can also determine the emphasis of each sentence and tell the readers about the author's intent and perspective. There are so much that one can glean from even a simple piece of writing.
One common reply I used to get as a bureaucrat is "Ministry X has no objections." When we first write an email to Ministry X, we often ask for their input and often, if they are agreeable with the position that has been set out. One should ask why Ministry X replies with "no objections" rather than "is agreeable" or "supports" etc. Why is it "no objections?"
When we write, why do we choose to front certain ideas while downplaying other ideas? Think of the effects when we write
Singapore's economy shrank 15% in Q1 2009. The figures are smaller than what analysts have predicted, suggesting that the economic downturn may have bottomed out.
vs
Singapore's economy may have bottomed out. Official figures point to a 15% contraction, out-performing the predictions by market watchers and analysts.
While the content is largely similar, writing the first way will shock many people because 15% seems significant. But when you frame it in the second way, people will see 15% as being not as severe. So when you read, you have lots of questions to ask yourself.
By and large, what the Singapore education system needs to incorporate at A levels is to introduce critical reading as a skill. Critical reading has to be explicitly taught. As we are not native EL speakers, we do not get the finer points in writing. Nuances are lost on many of us. We need to learn why people write in certain ways and therefore pick up those writing skills too. That way, we improve our writing.
And no, Probligo. I can't teach 8 to 10 year olds. I'll die before I finish a class. Those mistakes were made by 13 year olds. And I have no intention of ever going back to teaching secondary school English ever again. I'm traumatized enough already.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
What's wrong?
Another exam season and another big hullalaboo about teachers posting students' bloopers on the teachers' webpages for public entertainment. What's wrong with this, as long as the teacher does not single out the student? After all, these are the usual bloopers we see year in year out. And didn't we most enjoy the NG sequences at the end of each movie? Why do we have double standards here?
I mean, anyone could have written "My grandmother was diagnosed with cologne cancer." And what's wrong with that? A spelling mistake is a spelling mistake. Some of these boo-boos actually become actual materials, which are used for teaching future teachers.
Some times, how you speak is how you write. That's why apart from small eyes and a flat nose, a man can have a "pork belly". If anything at all, teachers can reflect if they had been unclear or sloppy in speech. After all, many students spell by approximating perceived sounds. This is especially evident in how a student tried to learn how to "trap water."
Some times, the students themselves are at fault. That was also why for the longest time when I was teaching English, I had compositions that went, "Human beans are...," despite my constant reminding that it is "beings." Some students simply take a much longer time to learn, I guess.
And my then-principal, who speaks with a perceptible lisp since she had come from a foreign land, gave me even more grief when her "in another words" got repeated ad naseum in my students' writing, as they "learly" (another one of her mispronunciations) thought what she said was right. It took me long battles and many bouts of unofficial speech belittling to get the students back on track.
I still remember one particularly dense student who kept writing Emerald Teo for Admiral Teo because that particular cohort of kids was doing The Wizard of Oz for literature. She simply could not tell the difference between the rank and the rock. So homonyms often become a source of jokes in themselves. How else can you explain how one can get "cologne cancer"? Ok, granted that using too much artificial fragrances could land you in such trouble, but unless you are one of those super-duper well to do rich tai tais whose main aim is to outsmell the roses, how can anyone be so bedevilled?
Idiosyncratic phrasal verbs are another area where mistakes can be plentiful. The unknowing child could easily end up writing "night has fallen and the lamp posts are turned on..." Linguistic nuances are often lost on non-native speakers. This is similar to how the oddity of "is" vs "have" in French: "Je suis chaud" (literally: I am hot) and "j'ai chaud" (I have hot) respectively mean "I am horny" and "I am hot" in French.
Man, why wouldn't people face it that the best way to learn is to make the mistake, face the ignominy of it and put in the effort to correct it?
I mean, anyone could have written "My grandmother was diagnosed with cologne cancer." And what's wrong with that? A spelling mistake is a spelling mistake. Some of these boo-boos actually become actual materials, which are used for teaching future teachers.
Some times, how you speak is how you write. That's why apart from small eyes and a flat nose, a man can have a "pork belly". If anything at all, teachers can reflect if they had been unclear or sloppy in speech. After all, many students spell by approximating perceived sounds. This is especially evident in how a student tried to learn how to "trap water."
Some times, the students themselves are at fault. That was also why for the longest time when I was teaching English, I had compositions that went, "Human beans are...," despite my constant reminding that it is "beings." Some students simply take a much longer time to learn, I guess.
And my then-principal, who speaks with a perceptible lisp since she had come from a foreign land, gave me even more grief when her "in another words" got repeated ad naseum in my students' writing, as they "learly" (another one of her mispronunciations) thought what she said was right. It took me long battles and many bouts of unofficial speech belittling to get the students back on track.
I still remember one particularly dense student who kept writing Emerald Teo for Admiral Teo because that particular cohort of kids was doing The Wizard of Oz for literature. She simply could not tell the difference between the rank and the rock. So homonyms often become a source of jokes in themselves. How else can you explain how one can get "cologne cancer"? Ok, granted that using too much artificial fragrances could land you in such trouble, but unless you are one of those super-duper well to do rich tai tais whose main aim is to outsmell the roses, how can anyone be so bedevilled?
Idiosyncratic phrasal verbs are another area where mistakes can be plentiful. The unknowing child could easily end up writing "night has fallen and the lamp posts are turned on..." Linguistic nuances are often lost on non-native speakers. This is similar to how the oddity of "is" vs "have" in French: "Je suis chaud" (literally: I am hot) and "j'ai chaud" (I have hot) respectively mean "I am horny" and "I am hot" in French.
Man, why wouldn't people face it that the best way to learn is to make the mistake, face the ignominy of it and put in the effort to correct it?
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Inauspicious Homonyms
We often say auspicious words to friends and family members when we go visiting during the Chinese New Year. But the financial tsunami has led to a perversion of some terms because of homonymity. Some are really hilarious. Here's some for your reading pleasure.
财源滚滚(裁员滚滚) [cai2 yuan2 gun3 gun3]
Overflowing with riches. (Meaning of homonym: Fervent retrenchments)
招财进宝(遭裁禁饱) [zhao1 cai2 jing4 bao3]
Attracting riches and pocketing treasures (Got retrenched; can't eat till I'm full [not enough food])
万事如意(万市如忆) [wan4 shi4 ru2 yi4]
Everything will be as you wish (All [booming financial] markets are only in your memory)
心想事成(薪饷四成) [xin1 xiang3 shi4 cheng2]
Your heart's wishes (Pay is cut to 40%)
鸿图大展(红屠大斩) [hong2 tu2 da4 zhan3]
Opportunities to flaunt your ambition (A bloody massacre)
财源广进(裁员广尽) [cai2 yuan2 guang3 jing4]
Getting vast riches and treasures (Retrench to the last person)
Now do you know why many Chinese have banned these terms for this Lunar New Year?
财源滚滚(裁员滚滚) [cai2 yuan2 gun3 gun3]
Overflowing with riches. (Meaning of homonym: Fervent retrenchments)
招财进宝(遭裁禁饱) [zhao1 cai2 jing4 bao3]
Attracting riches and pocketing treasures (Got retrenched; can't eat till I'm full [not enough food])
万事如意(万市如忆) [wan4 shi4 ru2 yi4]
Everything will be as you wish (All [booming financial] markets are only in your memory)
心想事成(薪饷四成) [xin1 xiang3 shi4 cheng2]
Your heart's wishes (Pay is cut to 40%)
鸿图大展(红屠大斩) [hong2 tu2 da4 zhan3]
Opportunities to flaunt your ambition (A bloody massacre)
财源广进(裁员广尽) [cai2 yuan2 guang3 jing4]
Getting vast riches and treasures (Retrench to the last person)
Now do you know why many Chinese have banned these terms for this Lunar New Year?
Monday, January 05, 2009
Spoken in a surprised fashion
Good: "Guess what? My favourite uncle is coming," Little Johnny ejeculated.
Bad: "Guess what? My favourite uncle is coming." Little Johnny ejeculated.
Bad: "Guess what? My favourite uncle is coming." Little Johnny ejeculated.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Bad writing samples
Professional ethics prevent me from uploading the exciting bits to cheer up your day. But allow me to find something to make up for it.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Penultimatum
I sent out my first set of warning to a freshman today. His writing can't cut it because his grammar is just so weak. His word forms are all wrong and he can't translate his thoughts from Chinese to English.
I'm afraid I've not broken the news gently enough but something needs to be done and stat! The course is almost a quarter way through and if I can't get past the essay because things are lost in translation, then how does he expect to clear Freshman Writing?
I'm afraid I've not broken the news gently enough but something needs to be done and stat! The course is almost a quarter way through and if I can't get past the essay because things are lost in translation, then how does he expect to clear Freshman Writing?
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Gin and chthonic
I did a double take when I saw the dictionary.com word of the day entry for today.
chthonic - dwelling in or under the earth; also, pertaining to the underworld.
OMFG!
The word has Greek origins, where khthón, the Greek word for earth.
Sigh...
When will I ever be ready for the GRE?!
chthonic - dwelling in or under the earth; also, pertaining to the underworld.
OMFG!
The word has Greek origins, where khthón, the Greek word for earth.
Sigh...
When will I ever be ready for the GRE?!
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
A group of crows
What do you call a group of crows? I remembered reading about this some months back but when I faced this question last Sunday, I was suddenly stumped.
Ok, to help all of us along, choose the correct answer from below.
What do you call a group of crows?
(A) kidnap
(B) gang
(C) party
(D) murder
(E) bandit
Ok, to help all of us along, choose the correct answer from below.
What do you call a group of crows?
(A) kidnap
(B) gang
(C) party
(D) murder
(E) bandit
Like dull blows from a sledgehammer...
Anyone can put the 26 letters of the English alphabet to form words. But not all words exist.
Anyone can put the above words to form sentences. But not all sentences make sense.
Anyone can put those above sentences to form an essay. But not all essays make sense either.
Interesting how some people can fly under the English radar for so long and now land on the chopping board where I am performing butcher duties. I have no idea whether I am chopping their insensible answers out because reading these essays are like receiving an endless bevy of dull blows from a sledgehammer to my head.
Sooner or later, I'm going bonkers.
Anyone can put the above words to form sentences. But not all sentences make sense.
Anyone can put those above sentences to form an essay. But not all essays make sense either.
Interesting how some people can fly under the English radar for so long and now land on the chopping board where I am performing butcher duties. I have no idea whether I am chopping their insensible answers out because reading these essays are like receiving an endless bevy of dull blows from a sledgehammer to my head.
Sooner or later, I'm going bonkers.
Didn't you teach them to read and write?
I have this uncontrollable urge to want to scream at my ex-colleagues - teachers, English Language teachers in particular - and ask if they had done their jobs properly.
From what I can see from those stacks of scripts waiting to be graded, I don't think so. Incidental learning is as the name suggests. How it is really carried out depends on whether an incident has happened. Since you don't see teachers submitting incident reports, other than the disciplinary types in which only wh-words and past tense are taught, students learn next to nothing.
So, they come to university and viola! Many know nothing about accurate reading, proper writing and correct grammar.
And yet they think they are excellent communicators.
From what I can see from those stacks of scripts waiting to be graded, I don't think so. Incidental learning is as the name suggests. How it is really carried out depends on whether an incident has happened. Since you don't see teachers submitting incident reports, other than the disciplinary types in which only wh-words and past tense are taught, students learn next to nothing.
So, they come to university and viola! Many know nothing about accurate reading, proper writing and correct grammar.
And yet they think they are excellent communicators.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
The Glammer Police Strike
Ok, I know. It should be the Grammar Police strikes, but I'm so conscious of the constant raids on bad grammar that I begin to feel embarrassed.
I believe this feeling would get worse when I start teaching college writing classes.
But someone has to be the baddie. Well, if not me, then who? I am after all the one guarding the gates to Grammar Heaven.
"He is one of the actors who is/are well-paid".
If you get it correct, welcome to grammar heaven where you will spend all your time teaching others in grammar hell who can't get it. If you can't get it, welcome to grammar hell. And for what Chomsky is worth, some people do not have any semblance of grammar entrenched in their subconsciousness. I bet Chimpsky would probably beat them hands-down on the correct grammar usage.
I believe this feeling would get worse when I start teaching college writing classes.
But someone has to be the baddie. Well, if not me, then who? I am after all the one guarding the gates to Grammar Heaven.
"He is one of the actors who is/are well-paid".
If you get it correct, welcome to grammar heaven where you will spend all your time teaching others in grammar hell who can't get it. If you can't get it, welcome to grammar hell. And for what Chomsky is worth, some people do not have any semblance of grammar entrenched in their subconsciousness. I bet Chimpsky would probably beat them hands-down on the correct grammar usage.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Things I learn marking compositions
"I prefer to go to Perth in Western Australia because the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. That means, the sun rises in Gold Coast, which is in Eastern Australia, and sets in Perth. I love sunsets, so Perth is more suitable for me."
"I think I prefer to go to Perth in Western Australia because the sun rises in the east and Gold Coast is in Eastern Australia. Therefore, Gold Coast would be colder than Perth and I don't like the cold."
"I would not like a strenuous tour package as I suffer from asthma. If the activities are too physical, I may get an attack"... "But I love animals. In fact, I am really looking forward to going to the Perth Zoo, where I can see a spectacular array of Australia's native animals such as koalas, kangaroos and dingoes."
"I don't like to learn how to surf in Gold Coast because I dislike getting wet and I could get sea sick. However, I think I would enjoying a one-day fishing trip in Perth."
"I think I prefer to go to Perth in Western Australia because the sun rises in the east and Gold Coast is in Eastern Australia. Therefore, Gold Coast would be colder than Perth and I don't like the cold."
"I would not like a strenuous tour package as I suffer from asthma. If the activities are too physical, I may get an attack"... "But I love animals. In fact, I am really looking forward to going to the Perth Zoo, where I can see a spectacular array of Australia's native animals such as koalas, kangaroos and dingoes."
"I don't like to learn how to surf in Gold Coast because I dislike getting wet and I could get sea sick. However, I think I would enjoying a one-day fishing trip in Perth."
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Space, Toes and Russian
Interesting examples during the Grammar workshop on Articles.
Space
The effects of no article, indefinite article and definite article.
Example 1
Guy (to Girl): Dear, I need space.
Girl: Ok, how much time do you need?
Example 2
Guy: Dear, I need a space.
Girl (moves to the side of the bed): Here's some space.
Example 3
Guy: Dear, I need the space.
Girl (vacates the place she is occupying): Nah, here's your space.
Toes
Example 1
Guy (to Girl): You have nice toes.
Girl: Why, thank you!
Example 2
Guy: You have some nice toes.
Girl (kicks Guy off the bed): You better tell me whick toes are not nice or I'll shove my foot in your mouth.
Russian
Example 1
Russian is hard to master.
Example 2
The Russian is hard to master.
(Marker's comment: Inappropriate to discuss in an academic essay.)
It was fun.
Space
The effects of no article, indefinite article and definite article.
Example 1
Guy (to Girl): Dear, I need space.
Girl: Ok, how much time do you need?
Example 2
Guy: Dear, I need a space.
Girl (moves to the side of the bed): Here's some space.
Example 3
Guy: Dear, I need the space.
Girl (vacates the place she is occupying): Nah, here's your space.
Toes
Example 1
Guy (to Girl): You have nice toes.
Girl: Why, thank you!
Example 2
Guy: You have some nice toes.
Girl (kicks Guy off the bed): You better tell me whick toes are not nice or I'll shove my foot in your mouth.
Russian
Example 1
Russian is hard to master.
Example 2
The Russian is hard to master.
(Marker's comment: Inappropriate to discuss in an academic essay.)
It was fun.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Media Bloopers
Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee (Toronto Star headline)
Publicize your business absolutely free! Send $6. (Entrepreneur Magazine ad)
Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times)
Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)
Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely! (The Houston Chronicle)
Governor's Penis Busy [should be "Pen Is"] (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)
Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son
Clinton Places Dickey In Gore's Hands (Bangor Maine News)
Starr Aghast At First Lady Sex Position (The Washington Times)
Clinton Stiff On Withdrawal (The Bosnia Bugle)
Long Island Stiffens For Lili's Blow (Newsday)
Organ Festival Ends In Smashing Climax (San Antonio Times)
Rose Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-free (Chicago Daily News)
Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders (The Miami Herald)
Source: http://humormatters.com/newspaper.htm
Publicize your business absolutely free! Send $6. (Entrepreneur Magazine ad)
Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times)
Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)
Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely! (The Houston Chronicle)
Governor's Penis Busy [should be "Pen Is"] (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)
Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son
Clinton Places Dickey In Gore's Hands (Bangor Maine News)
Starr Aghast At First Lady Sex Position (The Washington Times)
Clinton Stiff On Withdrawal (The Bosnia Bugle)
Long Island Stiffens For Lili's Blow (Newsday)
Organ Festival Ends In Smashing Climax (San Antonio Times)
Rose Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-free (Chicago Daily News)
Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders (The Miami Herald)
Source: http://humormatters.com/newspaper.htm
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