The Inside Scoop

The Inside Scoop

Maybe I should tell. I should simply spill the beans. I should not hold anything back. I should be honest and tell everyone what happened. The truth is out there; it is with me. I need to open up. I need to shout out loud. I must not hide any more.

I HATED THE SINGAPRE - KUANTAN - SINGAPORE DRIVE.

What were you expecting?

For the interested, here's a short snippet what happened.

The customs on the way into Malaysia was easy. I entered Malaysia in less than an hour. We had lunch and changed some money and was trudging along the congested Johor Bahru roads to get out to the east coast trunk road. That took some time, especially when there were many instances where road works were on and at some places, the tarmac was ripped off and there was only ONE lane for cars from both sides to use.

Driving on the trunk road was not too tough, though the road signs were not always obvious or helpful. It's quite amazing that concrete distance markers by the road in Malaysia have a tendency of having their heads (where the distances are) decapitated. Can be quite confusing. Anyway, as I said, the trunk road was not that bad if you discount

1. Convoys tailgating each other
2. Large overladen vehicles
3. Speeding, large overladen vehicles
4. Speeding, large overladen vehicles who intentionally veer to the centre/side of the road
5. Speeding, large overladen vehicles who intentionally veer to the centre/side of the road attempting to thwart your attempts at over taking them
6. Speeding, large overladen vehicles who intentionally veer to the centre/side of the road attempting to thwart your attempts at over taking them either by blocking your view, racing with you or preventing you from moving back to your lane or all of the three
7. Psycho drivers driving in the reverse direction
8. Speeding psycho drivers driving in the reverse direction
9. Speeding psycho drivers driving in the reverse direction who accelerate when they see you move out of your lane to overtake so that they can thwart your attempts
10. Convoys of 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and/or 9.

You get the picture.

As you drive along and succeed in overtaking the slower vehicles from time to time, you have to contend with

1. Occasional kumpungs (villages) that pop up from no where
2. Occasional red light junctions in the occasional kumpungs (villages) that pop up from no where
3. Occasional red light junctions in the occasional kumpungs (villages) that pop up from no where which will turn red when you approach
4. Occasional red light junctions in the occasional kumpungs (villages) that pop up from no where which will turn red when you approach for no reason
5. Sporadic vehicles, pedestrians, and animals bolting across the road into your lane.

It was harrowing.

So you accelerate and brake, accelerate and brake all because the road conditions were so unpredictable.

Worse still, the bigger towns proved to be bigger pains in the gluteus maximus. The direction signs Houdini when you most need them - at cross junctions, at round-abouts, at Y-junctions, at multiple exit junctions. So, you take a gamble and turn where you feel is right.

We did not lose our way even once but it still took a long time to get anywhere at all.

The distance from Singapore to Kuantan is merely 360 km or less, and it took 8 hours because of all the unforeseen road conditions that we had to contend with.

Granted we generally managed to drive at 60 km/h on the average, the killer incident on the way up to Kuantan was clearing Kuantan Town. I spent almost 45 minutes clearing one traffic light junction. It takes almost 6 minutes for the light to be in my favour for a mere 45 seconds. It took an eternity, as I watched time crawl from 1800 to 1845 before I cleared that junction.

On the way back, the infamous Singapore customs took the cake, jamming us for more than an hour. Anyone returing from Malaysia will know what it feels like to crawl in the car to clear the customs. When it was time to have my car checked, there were a couple of cars that were "stripped" down and I saw a sheepish driver shaking his head as the customs officer counted the number of DVDs that he tried to bring into Singapore - I think the flesh on the covers tell the content. When they checked my car, one of them looked at the car boot and saw some bags and he slammed the boot cover shut. I reckon he knew that there was no point in checking because what would greet his nose was most likely the stench of two sweaty men's clothes (but we washed everything before we came back, so the bags smelt good, actually) but hey, what would your mental image be if you see two unshaven men driving back with bags in the car boot?

Granted we took leaks about 3 times per direction, we hardly stopped 10 minutes. 2 guys' needs were easy - let go and let's go. We don't waste time and being rather used to long distance driving, I don't usually need breaks (though I sometimes would find it difficult not to turn down invitations to break a few heads or hands - especially those of the errant drivers who make my drive up so precariously dangerous). Nonetheless, having stamina helps. But being patient helped more.

Having a great travelling companion helps the most. People who travel often will know why.

There is an alternative route to drive to Kuantan from Singapore. First you drive almost 350 km to KL, then you drive another 300 km from KL to Kuantan on the East Coast Highway. Same amount of time, double the petrol, extremely dumb.

Kuantan? Another time, my dear.

At least you need to entice me with a fully paid 3 night stay there first.