The Many Manifestations of Moron Man

In the Sunday papers, Neil Humphrey wrote about a Moron Man who feeds the monkeys, or rather lets his daughter feed the monkeys despite being told not to do so, and when the daughter screams about his simian relative touching her hand when taking the potato chip she offered, he got into a stand off with the monkey, whacking it with a tree branch.

I assure you, my intelligent readers, that there are many disguises that the Uniquely Singapore Moron Man can take on.

For instance, Moron Man (Seatbelt Mode) does not wear nor insist his passengers wear seatbelts when he drives, so that when he gets into a crash, he will kill them and him.

Moron Man (Tailgate Mode) tailgates. And he is never alone. So when there is a rear end bumping, a whole convoy of vehicles are involved.

Moron Man (Defensive Mode) insists that everything that had gone wrong is the result of the incumbent government, including the recent economic boom.

Moron Man (Ostrich Mode) has the special ability to hide himself in the face of imminent work, then wonder why when it comes to performance bonuses, he gets very little.

Moron Man (Complain Mode) has bad things to say about everyone and everything. Even if things are going well.

Moron Man (Snail Mode) has a twin (Big Ass Mode) and they will morph into the same person. Invariably, Moron Man (SBA Mode) will walk in the middle of a road preventing people who he is holding up from over taking him with his big ass.

Moron Man (Deaf Mode) has his handphone and iPod turned on so loud, as if these were the new public entertainment systems.

Moron Man (Greedy Mode) queues up for freebies and when his turn comes, asks for more than his share, citing that he is also queueing for his mother, his father, his wife, his sister, his brother, his son, his daughter, his father's mother's son, his mother's father's son...

Moron Man (Abusive Mode) tries to use violence or semi-violence to solve all problems, especially with his children.

If Mattel were to launch Moron Man as a series of action figures, I'm sure Mattel would replicate the success of its Barbie range a million times over. This is especially so when Moron Man is real.

I'm sure if this went on, any collector after having bought all the accessories for Moron Man, we will see the Ultimate Moron Man.

I believe some of them already exist and are called Moron **men.