Sex Education

Sex Education

Time for the nude, oops, I mean new, syllabus for Sex Education to be rolled out, I guess.

This time, they should take the guess work out of what's behind anyone's bra or pants or panties.

During sex education classes, pupils should be shown what a micro deal looks like and what a donkey-sized one looks like. I mean, hey, what's the big deal?

They should show them sumo-wrestler packages and tell all the bigger sized kids that if you continue to grow, the equipment will continue to "shrink". Not really, but it does look smaller after being enveloped in layers of fat. As a fat guy waiting for someone to accept my "live" fat donation (thank you, Kenny), I should know.

No guesses also that the skinner people normally show more. In fact, a medical study says something like losing ten kilogrammes gain you about an inch (2.5 cm). Skinny people should not starve themselves for any extra gains because they need to stay healthy by maintaining weight ranges within the BMI.

Well, if all else fails, you can go and do fat transfer, where they extract fats from the bum to beef up the, well, you know, beef. Dr Woffles Wu, are there any takers?

Otherwise, you can ask to get two tendons severed so that it will hang lower down and look longer (because it has lesser support). But you'll never get to sing, oops, I mean, see "mari kita" when you are high. It'll be just a horizontal vector.

Women have it easier, I guess.

They have breast implants and breast liposuctions. I mean, I have yet to see a girl kill herself for overly small breasts. Yes? That's why. And hey, Pamela has even downsized to something that won't throw her over the HDB flat parapet. So, you see, women are one lucky breed.

Did I mention hymen reattachment operations?

Ok, ok, I concede that guys who want to be women also got avenues. In Thailand, in... well, where else? I only remember Singapore pioneered the world's first sex change operations. Other than that, I only think Thailand. Maybe Shade can throw some light on this. Hm, what irony. Shade and light?

Oh, I digressed again.

The new sex-ducation (more sassy name, more attractive!) should also have size appreciation courses. Who says big is good? Those who have got theirs caught in the zipper will tell you big may not be bliss. And anyway, it's not size but performance that counts.

George of the jungle may be big and strong but hey, biceps can't satisfy the way a dong can. Why did I say that? Anyway, only the top 3 cm of the dong is needed to do the satisfying.

Hey, the sensation for the guys is the little band of cells at the root of the corona. The rest of it is no different from sponge. I mean, blood engorged fibrous muscles. So no matter what length or width or volume, as long as you know how to do it, you'll still be satisfied.

Why do you think man's best friend is his hand?

If it is meant to be big as hell, it'll have bones to support it. I watched it on Animal Planet. See, cable does make you smarter.

Another fact: Humans have the smallest balls around because males don't need to fight with other males to access the females and have sperm competition. Unlike a lioness who needs to be raped in excess of 80 times to be impregnated, how many men in Singapore would be fortunate enough to get an Annabel Chong to satisfy their needs?

And if you, suppose you, really managed Annabel, don't tell me you're going to let her sleep around with others? I mean, 200 over men in a day is a little excessive. Finding and aligning and insertion alone would already take time.

Then, the new syllabus should have a section on positions. There is no such thing as a position where a woman can be safe from pregnancy. No, not even if she rides. The tadpoles are more hardy than you think. And they even survive in and come out with Cowper's fluid.

So, what will the nude syllabus for Sex Education cover?