If I Set the High School Moral Education Exam...

I never got to set the paper. Maybe they doubted my moral standards. Or maybe the paper would be too tough. Have a go, if you are in need of some perverse fun.

Choose the answer which you think is the least damaging or hurtful.

1. Ali made his girlfriend pregnant. What should he do?
(A) Kick his girlfriend's stomach.
(B) Make his girlfriend eat lots of pineapples.
(C) Make his girlfriend drink a lot of beer.
(D) Make his girlfriend jump up and down.
(E) All of the above.

[Don't laugh. These are all old wives' tales! And another one below.]

2. Mary does not want her baby. To induce an abortion, she can:
(A) See a spiritual medium to expel the baby.
(B) Impale herself on a bamboo to kill the baby.
(C) Suck the baby out with a vacuum cleaner.
(D) Take a very cold bath to freeze the baby.
(E) All of the above.

3. Which of the following can cause pregnancy?
(A) Holding hands.
(B) Kissing.
(C) Swallowing sperm.
(D) Oral sex.
(E) All of the above.
(F) None of the above.

[Amazing what old wives' tales can teach the kids, right?]

4. Which of the following will not spread AIDS?
(A) Unprotected sexual intercourse
(B) Unprotected anal intercourse
(C) Breastfeeding from AIDS-infected mother to her child.
(D) Swallowing AIDS-infected saliva.
(E) None of the above.

5. Peter saw Mary cheat during the exam. Peter:
(A) will not tell the teacher if Mary "does it" with him.
(B) will not tell the teacher if Mary gives him $50.
(C) will not tell the teacher if Mary kisses him.
(D) will not tell the teacher since Mary also caught him cheating.

6. Peter saw his younger brother fall down. He:
(A) should leave him alone since everyone falls down.
(B) should ask his brother to show him how he fell down once again.
(C) clap his hands and congratulate his brother on the wonderful performance.
(D) sign his brother up as a Cirque du Soleil clown.

7. Mary picked up a wallet containing $1,000. Peter was with her. Mary should:
(A) share the money with Peter and throw the empty wallet away.
(B) take the wallet to the police station and accuse Peter of stealing it, since Peter cheated on her.
(C) tell Peter to keep the secret or she'll get her gang to bash him up.
(D) murder Peter so that she can keep the windfall to herself.

8. Mary and Nancy saw a pencil case they both liked.
(A) Mary will let Nancy have the pencil case if Nancy does Mary's homework for a week.
(B) Mary and Nancy should call their gangs to fight and the winner will get the pencil case.
(C) Mary will let Nancy have the pencil case because she is richer than Nancy and can afford a better looking pencil case.
(D) Mary will damage the pencil case and frame Nancy.

This is getting to be an immoral education exam. However, if you were asked to choose the best available option to each question, what would you choose? (Suggested answers in Comments below.)