The Letter

This is a letter from a sardarji mother to her son at school.

Pyaarey Puttar,

Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or uncle!

Your uncle Jatindar fell into a whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for 3 days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back, the driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety, the other 2 friends drowned because they couldn't get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love,

MOM

P.S. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.



This is the replying letter from the same Sardar son


Sasriakal Bebe,

Thanks for writing that letter slowly. My reading is improving day by day as the makhan you sent me is having its effect. Regarding our address, I am sending this letter at new address, which you have put up in the letterbox recently. I saw it and wrote it down when cycling from school. I really miss home and wonder how our new house would look like. Tell Papaji that I like houses with floor and ceiling and the new one should have one.

How come all the washing machines are having the same problems. I also wanted to wash a few clothes and after pulling the chain, I did not see them either. To my horror, the school warden scolded me and accused me of causing the sewage system to overflow. I wonder how they clean their clothes. I followed your advice to wear one pair and wash the other so now I wash one pair and wear another pair, but how come one is so clean and the other is always so dirty. Please help me to clear this mystery.

The coat you sent me was nice. You should have even cut off the sleeves along with the buttons in order to make the package smaller. Papaji has become a big man, so many men under him. I also want to become like him, but would like to first work under him to gain experience. Tell dear sister I want become an Aunt.

I had my school exams yesterday. I was so confused. It said "write an essay on My Favorite game". I wrote it on Chess. I wrote all about how we used to play chess with Papaji,and you. I also wrote how you and I were best for the doubles team and always used to beat Papaji and sister. It was sad to know about Bantya and Santa. Meetu was fortunate but I have heard once reaching the shore, he wanted to save them and so he went down again and also got stuck like Bantya and Santa I heard they struggled quite hard to get the gate down. VAHE GURU REST THEIR SOLES IN PIECES.

Uncle Jatindar's death is very tragic. I will miss him for he was the only one who used to give me liquor in a barrel, else I always have to suffice with small bottles here.

Yours

Barnam Singh 'Luchha'

P.S. Please write the postal code on the letterbox so that my letters can reach you faster. Do not worry about money, I will have plenty here. Our schoolteacher said they were going to put a money plant in front of my room. I was also going to send you some photographs, but I also sealed the envelope.

Source: http://members.rediff.com/muder/cleanjokes.html