Hippocratic Oath - High School Math Teacher Version

Hippocratic Oath - High School Math Teacher Version

I swear by Archimedes, Euclid, Eratosthenes, Pythagoras, Diophantine, Gauss, Newton, Descartes, de Fermat, Mersenne, Bernoulli, Euler, Galois and all the gods and goddesses (and Google too for helping me with those elusive names), making them my witnesses, that I will fulfill according to my ability and judgment this oath and this covenant:

To hold him until he is taught this art of Algebra and to drive Algeblur away from him, and if he is in need of formula to give him a copy of the formula booklet, and to regard his careless mistake as equal to the end of the world and to teach them mathematics - if they desire to learn it - without complaint and covenant; to give a share of practice questions and mock examination papers and all the other learning to them and to their sons of him who may have been equally inflicted with innumeracy but have taken the path of compulsory education in accordance to the mathematical law, but no one else.

I will apply exponential measures for the benefit of the innumerate according to my ability and judgment; I will keep them from complex numbers and hyperbolic functions. I shall not test beyond triangles and the Pythagoras' theorem, trigonometric functions and the sine and cosine laws although I am compelled by the powers that be that the triangles may not exist singly.

I will neither give a deadly Math test to anybody who asked for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a moron an easy way out. I shall not make more difficult any question that is already almost insolvable given their little brains or more easy any question that is already almost insolvable given their genius. I shall resist from looking at measures of central tendency, histograms or cumulative frequency graphs so that absolutely no one will achieve a distinction without the required number of marks. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.

I will not use the mathematical tables, not even on sufferers from stone, but will use calculators in favor of such men as are engaged in this work. I will not use the protractor to construct special angles, when a compass and a straightedge will do.

Whatever classes I may visit, I will come for the benefit of the vaguely interested, remaining free of all intentional insults, of all mischief and in particular of asymmetrical relations with both female and male persons, be they free or slaves. They will learn to reflect, enlarge, stretch and shear their imaginations and mathematical ability. They will learn to vary their quantities in proportionate amounts dictated by simultaneous equations. They will learn to graph their findings and plot their points accurately on the graphing paper provided, respecting the scales used on each axis.

What I may see or hear in the course of the teaching or even outside of the teaching in regard to the inability to differentiate or integrate, which on no account one must spread abroad, I will keep to myself, holding such things shameful to be spoken about. I also swear not to divulge any instances of infidelity to the chain, product, and quotient rules.

If I fulfill this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy classes with extremely high failure rates in school examinations, and then being honored with fame among all men for all time to come when the national examination results are released; if I transgress it and swear falsely, who the f*ck cares.