What a difference a day makes

Yeah. A huge difference.

24 little hours

It all adds up whether you are pursuing your love for 24 hours a day or trying to meet ridiculous deadlines or stay under the radar for the same duration. One energises you and the other enervates you. Just so amazing how interest is so important.

I love my job. This is how that Dr Suess poem began.

The Lost Dr. Seuss Book: I Love My Job

I love my job, I love the pay.
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss; he/she is the best.
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And the paper that piles up every day.

I love my chair in my padded cell.
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers.
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it don't care.
I love each program and every file,
I try to understand once in a while.

I'm happy to be here, I am, I am;
I'm the happiest slave of my Uncle Sam.
I love this work; I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job - I'll say it again.
I even love these friendly men,
These men who've come to visit today
In lovely white coats to take me away.

Hilarious, when I first read it. But looking back, the irony of it all.

I used to think I have understood the parable of the boiling frog. Perhaps I didn't really. Or I tried to think I did. Or... Or the fact that getting what some others perceive to be a disgusting amount of money from the company each month was a huge deterrent to even daring to let the thought of jumping out of the boiling water germinate in my mind. (To set the record straight, my pay is not a lot. Things have to be taken in proportion. I am just a humble civil servant, a serf, a being of lowly existence.)

So looking back, I had tolerated the heat well. Of course, I had bitched about it. In an earlier blog "Weapons of Math Destruction", I had talked about the malpractices of some people and was ordered to remove my blog. That's why Teflonman came about. A man who lets praise and insults slide off like water off a duck's back, even during high heat situations. This is akin to how teflon coating in pans keep food from sticking to the sides and bottoms during cooking.

Then recently, I realised that the Teflon tag was sort of negative in nature. Coincidentally, it was applied to Ronald Reagan first in 1983. Reagan is one of the US presidents I liked. In any case, the coinage is a recent one for him despite the fact that teflon was first invented in 1938. Still, I claim independence of thought, because I was entirely unaware of this usage until recently. I didn't do my literature review, of course. But it isn't an academic thesis that I am writing.

I digress.

Being my own boss in charge of my own destiny, I appreciate how little it takes to keep a person alive. Ok, to be fair, trained teachers are hard to starve. Opportunities are also available in the school system here to allow the lay folks to come in once a while for relief duties (such as keeping discipline in a class) when the incumbent is away for valid reasons. These pay rather well, if you live a life of an ordinary man and not a king.

But honestly, one can never make enough money. And, perhaps it is really age catching up with me, money cannot buy happiness. Worse, suffering misery does not definitely get you money either. It helps when the money you make helps to alleviate the misery you are feeling. Or, should it be: it helps when the misery you suffer helps to get you the money you desire? I honestly don't know. Different people view money differently. Just like I view food.

I love my money. I love money. Unfortunately, money does not really love me. My money always makes me tempted to spend it. It must be a love-hate relationship. So, I often empty out my wallet. Fortunately, for me, I do try and get the money back by working really hard.

Why this post? Simply because Fraser (I have still yet to figure out what T. in T. F. stands for. Maybe Terrible? Tyrannical? Timothy? Nah, he doesn't look like a Timothy to me. Thomas? Terry?) asked what (happiness) drugs I am taking and if I had bought it from the streets or some peddler.

Honestly, you are your own and your best medicine. Being true to yourself will eventually lead you to the path of happiness. It is an irony but for me, giving up my living got me back my life in return.

24 little hours. Thankfully, I get to spend them in a gladful fashion now.

Space, Toes and Russian

Interesting examples during the Grammar workshop on Articles.

Space
The effects of no article, indefinite article and definite article.

Example 1
Guy (to Girl): Dear, I need space.
Girl: Ok, how much time do you need?

Example 2
Guy: Dear, I need a space.
Girl (moves to the side of the bed): Here's some space.

Example 3
Guy: Dear, I need the space.
Girl (vacates the place she is occupying): Nah, here's your space.

Toes

Example 1
Guy (to Girl): You have nice toes.
Girl: Why, thank you!

Example 2
Guy: You have some nice toes.
Girl (kicks Guy off the bed): You better tell me whick toes are not nice or I'll shove my foot in your mouth.

Russian

Example 1
Russian is hard to master.

Example 2
The Russian is hard to master.
(Marker's comment: Inappropriate to discuss in an academic essay.)

It was fun.

"Prof"?

Taught two grammar workshops at the Management University today.

The students attending the course were taking them to meet their language requirements set by the university for graduation. This is a result of them having failed the various EL proficiency tests.

And it was very interesting that despite me telling them to refer to me as "Eugene" during the lessons, they preferred to call me "Prof".

Hm... Sounds very good.

It's a sign. I should work for my PhD soon, so I can live up to that moniker. :)

Rate her IQ

Gave a test during the middle of the week.

My usual practice is for the class to clear their desks of all unnecessary books and stuff before I begin any class. So, during a test where the answers were to be written on the test paper, students were asked to put away everything except writing materials.

The test was a breeze for those who studied and a nightmare for those who didn't. It was a vocabulary test and all the kids had to do was to complete the spellings or match the words to their synonyms.

In fact, to help them with the test, a practice paper which largely mimicked this actual paper was given to the students at the start of the week. I immediately graded the papers (at the expense of the other work I had to do) and returned the scripts to them so that they could prepare for the test.

I digress. As the test progressed, I told the class that people who had completed the paper could rest by placing their heads on the table. So as more and more heads met the table tops, I asked if the class finished the paper. I got a chorus of yeses. Then I asked if I could collect the paper. I got no response.

So I asked if anyone needed the remaining time to check their answers. One girl - the same girl whom I caught during the middle of the test reading a Chinese newspaper and I warned her against such acts - put up her hands.

I was cursing inside me and so I granted everyone the last 5 minutes. The next thing, I saw her rummaging under her desk. I sneaked up and caught her handling the practice quiz paper. She was holding the paper in her hands and I caught her red-handed.

Of course she denied that she was copying. And of course, I insisted that she copied since the paper was in her hands.

Sweet victory. She taped the Claymore to herself and then passed me the detonator on a gold platter adorned with glittering diamonds. HOW COULD I RESIST?

This girl is also the one who disturbs the class with the voice of a thunder goddess but when you ask her to read a passage aloud, she'll read with her mosquito voice.

Having caught her was probably the highlight of the week!

I leave my smart readers to decide what her IQ really is.

Blody sluts

Was telling Marlz during our MSN chat that I see shadows of my students past in my students now.

Oh well. But there are some students now that are best devoid of predecessors and successors!

The second last express class I am taking has a group of self-possessed, self-important, short-sighted and f***ing ugly (I should just use fugly) sluts. They probably had tutors who were teaching ahead (only dumb tutors do that - why snatch and do what teachers are paid to do? Perhaps these tutors find that their fees are too easy to earn?) and they would be folding things like paper waste trays or passing notes or eating in class. There is absolutely no regard to what is really happening in class.

For the record, these dumb sluts are not smart. They think they are. Now, the problem comes - they are not pretty enough to win Miss Universe (what do the bengs call those faces? Is it langgar lorry - crashed into by a lorry?) and they are not enough to be the school nerd.

Yet when you tell them to pay attention in class, they have the cheek to complain that whatever is written on the board are not reproduced for them as handouts.

I wonder what their hands are used for? Mast**b*ting? Oh, sorry. Folding origami. I hope they all fail and repeat the next year. And for good measure, I am their math teacher. Wow! I'd have a field day.

Vengeful kid

A pupil in my English Language class wrote in his journal that his parents had high expectations for him but his sole aim in life at this stage is to shatter their dreams to smithereens.

He said they had wanted him to study hard and get promoted to the 4-year Express Stream rather than to stay on in the 5-year Normal (Academic) Stream. But he would like to fail every subject and get himself demoted to the 5-year Normal (Technical) Stream where it would be impossible to further one's studies after the 4th year in the stream.

This boy has an abusive father and is often walloped by senior.

I loved his idea. I absolutely loved it! What melodrama unfolding right in front of your very eyes - the oppressive father and the vengeful, calculating, spiteful son whose sole existence is retaliation and revenge. Or rather, mutual destruction. I love it, I tell you. How many 13-year-old kids can elucidate plans of such viciousness in such detail so succinctly? My summary in the front failed to do his journal entry any justice. However, professional etiquette prevents me from reproducing the journal entry at all.

Still, I was expected to comment. I had written that "I loved your idea". Then I realised I might get into trouble with the school authorities. So I taped out "I loved", writing the following in essence.

Your idea... the only flaw is that you will not live with your parents forever. Your parents would also not be with you forever. You will either leave them or they will leave you behind eventually. Shortchanging yourself in education now will simply hinder you from having a good future for yourself. The most effective revenge is to do so well that you are able to stand on your own two feet, walk away and lead a better life than your parents.

I can't remember what else I had written, but I hope I could make headway bit by bit to turn this boy around. While I might not be able to lead him to salvation, perhaps I could at least lead him away from self-destruction.

Am I getting soft?

He did it

My A level tuition kid got a C for his H2 Mathematics. I think this is a success of sorts - but mainly that regardless of how the exam syllabus is tweaked, exam-oriented tutors like me are able to get our charges to work around it.

Honestly, for him to get C was a huge success for him. He was a consistent F-er, having not done Additional Mathematics at the O levels (often deemed a pre-requisite for H2 Math).

While he worked hard, I worked smart. Together, we make a great team!

I now wish him the best of luck in his university applications.

That Silver Haired Daddy Of Mine

For Old Whig. I'm sorry. I wish I could find a better recording but hey, this is during your era.

My Terms

I just told a head of department that I will not be teaching his subject once my contract ends. It simply takes too much time preparing for the lessons and marking the assignments of that subject.

There are simply too many books to teach from and too much of the lessons require extensive planning and preparations. And the monkeys - those damned monkeys - need such close supervision! One can go through the assignment to be done and once they start doing it for submission, they give you crap. As a result, I spend all my time grading crap.

Part of the problem comes from the fact that the work assigned could be too tough for the kids but who am I to say so since the head and the school do not want to come to terms with the kids' true abilities?

With the assignments so tough and the tests so easy, the kids are confused as to what standards they ought to meet to do well for the subject. As their teacher, I am confused too. So, I guess it's best to say goodbye to the subject.

After all, as an adjunct, if I do not dictate my terms for my employment, then I should simply stay employed full-time and tolerate all the shit flung in my face.

Deja Vu

I'm backing teaching at a secondary school.

Unlike teaching in a government school, I am teaching in a mission school (government-aided) this time.

There are some differences in the way the school is run. While the government school lacked certain autonomy in school related matters, the aided school lacked funds (as it depended mostly on the voluntary donations and through fund raising). But one thing remained constant - the learning attitudes of students.

The school isn't a top school - top school have kids with different learning attitudes: extremely motivated or entirely indifferent - and expectedly, most of them lacked motivation.

Discipline is quite an issue at the school. Most of the better classes are rather well behaved but it just takes the few rotten apples to spoil the whole crate. One thing that I am still persplexed about - why do teachers not desist firmly when they spot indiscipline? To me, teachers need to be united against these trouble makers and make life unbearable for them.

However, I don't see that happening. Disciplining, if it takes place, are solitary efforts and it is entirely enervating for me. Why am I fighting a solitary battle against a bunch of monkeys and the other teachers doing the same when we should simply join forces and make the monkey's life sheer purgatory?

One other thing that amuses me - most teachers speak to the class through a portable mic. This is so weird. And in class, they fight noise with noise. Then they told me that I am lucky to have an inbuilt loud speaker in me. I don't have a loud speaker in me. I could be loud but I prefer to desist differently. I use silence and a handsign (meaning stop in hand traffic signals) to get the class to quieten down and give me their attention. Some monkeys, being monkeys, cannot keep still but I do get some semblence of reasonable silence where I can get my lessons going. By and large, a number of girls are well-behaved.

My secondary 4 and secondary 5 classes are extremely nice and well-behaved. Apart from a few fellows with poor learning attitudes - and they are entirely indifferent about it - most are motivated to learn. And the same old trick - I don't understand - has reared its ugly head again. As usual, I corner the child into saying from where the doubts begin. This way, I am able to zero in to the problem. They have also realised that saying "I don't understand everything" cuts no ice with me.

Still, I am enjoying my stint in the school.

Children's Wisdom

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses until they stop running.

2. Strike while the bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but How?

6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.

7. No news is impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new Math.

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust Me.

12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.

13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's pollution.

15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is not much.

17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, you have to blow your
cry and nose.

20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box

24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER is...

26. Better late than Pregnant

Man of semi-leisure

That's my new profession.

And I'm loving it.

I'm no longer chasing after rainbows or thirsting for power.

Instead, I guard my free time with my life and resist doing anything not worth doing.

I am still gainfully employed, albeit I dictate my terms of employment. I still get a decent amount of bread and butter. But I am no longer interested in cheap picnic ham in disgusting quantities. I prefer high class applewood smoked leg of ham.

In short, quality - and not quantity - has become the pursuit du jour.

I have time to do what I like to do and I have time to rest. To take a walk down a path and smell the flowers along the way.

I consider myself retired at this moment and what I am doing is really post-retirement stuff. Of course, I do not rule out beginning a second career, something on a higher plateau of human existence.

Power is addictive. But clinging on to power is like clutching at moonbeams. You cannot but be dictated to if you want to stay on your high perch.

Freedom and life, however, are very different but yet equally powerful things. Once you get them, you would never want to cede them. And they are yours to keep because you know how you can work things around to keep them.

Experience is a dirty word

Experience can be a dirty word. In my case, it is a dirty word.

Because of my experience, I resist practices which have no value.

I refuse work which have no purpose.

I despise people who have no principles.

I abhor being mentioned in the same breath as other lower life forms.

I avoid losing my self in the race to the top.

And most of all, I pity those who allow themselves to be lackeys of the screwed up system.

You are busy?

I don't buy that excuse anymore.

You may be busy but you can't be busier than I am. So stop your excuses and give me the 3 minutes I need to get your work done.

I am not one of your problems; I am one of your solutions. If you are going to find excuses so that your problems cannot be solved through me, I am not to blame.

You have not seen what it means to be busy - at least not in your little hole. I've seen more in my short stint that you in your entire life.

Believe you me that if we are to trade experiences, I could be delivering a lecture on human existence while you would probably be still trying to figure out the basic definitions.

And then it clicked...

There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.
- Tennessee Williams

I was writing my farewell message to my colleagues before the end of my last day of work and I wanted to end it with a quotable quote which aptly captured the essence of my decision without divulging too much.

There is some uncertainty now, although being employed in a new job is certain. I am sure I will excel at this stage of life, becoming a freelancer and my own boss finally.

I have never set out to being my own boss. I lack the discipline. I have no interest to make more money than I can spend or live with guilt because some of the earnings might be through some less than above-board dealings. (I see not giving my best during tuition lessons as one such example.)

And then, I chanced upon what Tennessee Williams wrote about having to go, despite not knowing the next destination.

While I had told people that I'll be off to studies - eventually I will - I am still pretty much in a floater mood. Not that I want to. I need to.

I need to re-absorb life. I need to be re-energised, re-charged, renewed (you can say recycled too, I am ambivalent about namecalling), reinvented, rejuvenated, reinvigorated, re... Some re's are redundant but you get the drift.

So, where am I off to next?

Another suitcase another door?
Don't ask anymore.
- Evita

Do I look like I am flying?

Returned to the office today after a break in Perth. All around, things look good.

17 Feb is going to be my last day at work. I start at my new job on 18 Feb.

While I was not at all exhilarated since I had to go back to work and worse, I just had a blood test, someone told me I look so happy, like I was flying.

I know happiness can be infectious but certainly, I am given more credit than I really deserve. I didn't think I was flying. I was back at work as usual.

Really looking forward to some normality returning to my life nonetheless. I think I have earned my right to demand that.

The rest

6 Feb - Fremantle and then Burswood for the Reunion Dinner

7 Feb - Bunbury. Rained at 4.10 am and a total of 42 mm of rain was recorded. Usual average precipitation for the entire month of Feb for Perth is 12 mm. Many major accidents. So exciting. Cool and lovely. The plants came alive.

8 Feb - The Fishy Affair - the Australian Bush Platter of roo, croc, emu, camel and barramundi. Harbourtown shopping. Bought 3 pairs of bermudas from Nike. Nothing else.

9 Feb - Margaret River, then Busselton. Mad hours behind the wheel. Stupid plants started flowering. But hey, they won't have enough rain to make fruits. So that is a waste of stored food.

10 Feb - Fremantle and Sobiaco

11 Feb - Home sweet home

Swan Valley

5 Feb

Swan Valley wine tasting self-drive.

Craziness. 32 km stretch of vineyards and wineries, melon and grape sellers, and shops peddling weird ware ranging from wine bottle stopper-dispensers, ceramic plates and cups, fine dining ware and what have you.

As usual, 3 hours ain't getting us to as many vineyards as we wished and as I am the "skipper" aka the driver plus I am not an alcohol drinker, I am not at all disappointed.

The drinker on the trip was also already quite worn out after tasting the umpteenth chenin blanc, the umpteenth verdehol, the umpteenth merlot, the umpteeth rose, the umpteenth shiraz (so crude, the shirazs!).

So we drove back and the navigator was understandably irritated by having to navigate with both alcohol in the veins and a street directory on her lap. Anyway, to cut the long story short, I drove back almost blind. And I made it. So, there goes.

It's scorching hot here and there is nothing more comfortable than standing under a jet of cool water in the shower. Go figure.

Is it my fault?

I cannot imagine that the d*ck head of a cab driver was so rude during my ride from home to the airport.

I got on the cab after loading up my own bags in the boot. By right, he should at least customarily step out of the car and ask if I needed help - yes, such pretense would mean good service. I wouldn't need help, of course, since my bags weighed but 16.1 kg and 3.9 kg - this one is empty really, and I would have been able to handle them myself.

My principles are simple - if the bags are too heavy for you to handle, then don't expect the cab driver to handle them for you. If your bags are not too heavy for you to handle, then handle them yourselves. Leave the cabbie to do his job, which is to drive you from point to point safely.

Sure, this morning's traffic a b*tch. Hey, it's 7 am in the morning and all the office workers needed to drive their cars to work. How else can they justify spending so much money on the cars if they are not going to take them out and contribute to the traffic gridlocks and congestions.

Ok, I got on the cab and I greeted him good morning. He did not even reply. Oh, my god. This is going to be one ride.

Along the way, I decided that I needed to teach him a lesson. It's peak hour, I'm going on a trip that I am *so* looking forward to, and I get such sucky treatment from you. So, I took out my dollar coins.

The final bill came to $11.90. Not a princely sum but I live but 4 km to the airport. So I unloaded 10 dollar-coins and a two dollar note on him.

I wouldn't have given him even that 10-cent tip but I don't see it as a tip. I see it as a means of relieving me of a $1 coin which I otherwise have to lug to Perth and back.

He was such a mannerless id-10-T that he did not even say thank you when he got the money. He quickly checked if I would have passed Indon lookalike coins (a tenth of the value) in the car.

What a sh*t head and what a *great* way to begin an otherwise *dour* morning.

I am *so* looking forward to this trip...

Oh man, you call that...

COFFEE?

This is... unacceptable. Well, the flat white had a little overzealous head - when it is supposed not to have much - and it sticks together quite well... like a mousse.

The coffee smells great but tastes far from great.

I need my harsh fix!

Can we help but stereotype?

As I type this in the Gelare ice cream bar - it's 8.12 am and I am really there to have my morning fix - my attention is diverted to a South Asian couple with a baby asking for the high heavens.

I suppose he wanted the takeaway coffee in a mug and he also wanted small size for everything. Man, takeaway coffee in a porcelain mug? Since when? Even Starbucks - aka Sucks - don't give you their mugs for free though they do throw in a shot of coffee if you buy a mug from then. And since when are there small size of anything since there is only one price indicated on the menu boards? Sigh.

Ostensibly, and understandably, the cashier at the outlet was a little perturbed.

Two stereotypes here - South Asia Couple and Poor Service Guaranteed from Lowly Paid, Possibly Lowly Educated Service Persons.

We need to improve on our service. We can't change the SAC but we certainly can still serve with a smile. It is hard but that would go a long long way, if Singapore ever aspires for something big, such as the Youth Olympics.

Leave of Absence

In Perth, Australia, from 4 to 11 Feb.

Will check in whenever I can.

Just to make it clear here before I go: If something were to happen to the flight - say it has to turn back because of some technical glitch, I am calling it. I'll not take the next flight out. Suddenly, even taking a holiday seems such a chore. Sigh.

The Moment of Truth

The Moment of Truth Premieres Tonight, Host Says Show is a "Personal Journey"
Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Premiering tonight is FOX's The Moment of Truth, a new game show that promises to expose the shocking secrets of various brave men and women. Despite the nature of the show, however, host Mark L. Wahlberg believes it's more than just a venue for a very public humiliation.

“Where this show really lives for me is that it becomes a personal journey,” Wahlberg said in a recent conference call. “Very quickly you start to learn, not just the information on the questions, but all sorts of information about this person, their family, their friends, their life.”

Wahlberg and the rest of America get to know more about the contestants on a personal level because the questions asked on The Moment of Truth are not like those posed on typical question-and-answer game shows. The new series is not about rewarding the contestant with the most wit, intelligence or skill. Rather, it's about giving someone the chance to win $500,000 for simply giving truthful answers to questions like “Do you like your mother-in-law?” “Have you ever stolen anything from work?” and “Have you ever cheated on your spouse?”

There are six levels in the game, with the questions becoming more and more personal as the contestant progresses. Mark L. Wahlberg said that in an effort to be a good host, he often tries to empathize with the contestants, especially when they get to the tough questions.

“I spend most of the time on that stage a little uncomfortable,” he revealed. “If they're nervous, I'm nervous for them."

The contestants are strapped to a polygraph in order to determine if they are being honest or not. If they are caught lying, they're taken out of the game. However, they don't necessarily have to walk away empty-handed from The Moment of Truth, as they have the choice to stop and take home a smaller amount of money at certain points in the game. Despite this, however, Wahlberg said that there are some contestants who really try to brave it all for the sake of winning half-a-million dollars.

“My whole realm of being on the set is really just trying to let them know all of their options and hope that they can get through this process with as much money as they want at a level of comfort that they are comfortable with,” he explained. “There are times when I've even said to them, ‘You've got a lot of money. I really don't want to have to ask this question. Please, don't make me read it.' And they say, ‘Bring it on.'”

Facing the tough questions has other benefits besides large cash prizes. Mark L. Wahlberg said that there are times the contestants are grateful for having found a place to come clean about their deepest darkest secrets and issues.

“Sometimes they come up to you afterwards and go, ‘Thanks for just letting us get this done, get it out in the open, talk it through and be done with this finally.' So it's an interesting dynamic,” he said.

The Moment of Truth premieres tonight at 9pm on FOX.

I wonder if the age of dis-innocence had anything to do with this.

Maybe it is time for me to register my invention in sociology before someone else comes along and grabs credit for something which I have written about much earlier.

What's wrong with meat?

So, it looks like the anti-meat lobby is gaining strength. They are beginning to openly speak ills of eating meat. They talk about the cruelty to the animals, the inefficiency of it all, the social and economic costs. They raise numerous issues which seem logical to the emotional folks but if you think carefully, what is the true underlying issue?

I would hazard a guess now and suggest politics.

I shall not delve way into the past where early man hunted animals for their meat and hides, and foraged for fruits and edible plants. Since time immemorial, mankind has been omnivorous. It is not something new. Our teeth allow us to chew on both meat and plant fibres. I would even think that in the past, fruits and vegetables were the exception rather than the norm. But as I said, I do not want to go there.

Meat was said to be a luxury item in the past and few could afford it. But now, almost everyone can. Why and how did the sudden change come about? The why might be easy. Ruling governments decided to make meat affordable by encouraging people to grow more lifestock to produce meat. And the how - people figured out that rearing animals for food was perhaps a more lucrative alternative to growing plants. So, meat farms are set up.

Remember in the movie below, Alec Baldwin explained how cows were neutered, their horns snipped off and repeated branded without the use of anaesthesia? Simply, this was because the politicians thought it necessary for the meat meant for human consumption to be free of extraneous chemicals. Think about it. Before anaesthesia was discovered, did man have any? And did we survive? We sure did. It is unfortunate that the animals had to be treated so cruelly but how could we have changed it? RFID tagging? No way. How many of you would like to bite into your rump steak only to take out a piece of radio frequency tag? Not me.

Did people ask for meat to be made so cheap and so readily available? I don't think so. But when you make meat affordable and accessible, what you get is a change in shopping patterns and eating habits. This is unavoidable. When people discovered edible gold foil, what happened? People started adding them to their food to make their meals more classy. Similarly, when meat became more economical, people began to add festivities to their meals with meat products. Can you blame people for eating meat and lifestock farmers for stoking this growth when it makes everyone feel good doing what they were born to do?

Politics also adopted liberal policies that allowed for excesses. Top politicians wanted to distinguish themselves from the common man. Some of them would like to eat "better food". Livestock farmers were then only too happy to oblige. What we get are fois gras - the fatty liver of geese, wagyu beef - marbled beef from cows fed on grains and sake and given regular massages, and what have you. These become prized exports and earn lots of good money to support the domestic economies and keep the politicians' pockets happy. Just like politics had made other things go sour, the meat industry is just one other statistic.

The bottomline is therefore this - there is nothing wrong with rearing lifestock or eating meat. Don't be misled by the emotional BS that some actors are accustomed to showing. What is needed is an overhaul and reconceptualisation of the meat industry. For instance, we have organic food now. Is it too far-fetched to introduce the concept of humanely bred meat into the food cycle? Sure, these meat will cost more and will re-elevate it to the ranks of expensive food all over again but if the animals reared for food needed to live in comfort and luxury and die palliatively, then there is no choice but to introduce such a category of meat. Meanwhile, slowly outlaw the meat farms that are churning out pigs that can't stand on their own legs beause they grew too fast and their muscles had atrophied due to crampled living conditions, (milk) cows which are to be killed at a fraction of their lifespans because they had been milked dry, and chickens which die of starvation because they overate initially and then their legs lost their ability to keep them standing and walk them to the food pan for further feeding.

So, there is nothing wrong with eating lots of meat. Just make sure that we offer a choice of happy meat and tortured meat, just like we have ordinary fruits and vegetables and organic ones (which, to me, are merely stunted ordinary stuff passed on as organic). With that, we should be able to know if eating that piece of meat is going to put me in the pilot seat of a supersonic version of the A380 speeding straight to animal hell. (By the way, what does one do when there?)

Hey, where is my tortured pork chop? And while you're still at it, could you add 4 pieces of abused lamb ribs medium rare?

Rethinking the Meat-Guzzler

Gary Kazanjian for The New York Times

By MARK BITTMAN
Published: January 27, 2008

A SEA change in the consumption of a resource that Americans take for granted may be in store — something cheap, plentiful, widely enjoyed and a part of daily life. And it isn’t oil.

It’s meat.

The two commodities share a great deal: Like oil, meat is subsidized by the federal government. Like oil, meat is subject to accelerating demand as nations become wealthier, and this, in turn, sends prices higher. Finally — like oil — meat is something people are encouraged to consume less of, as the toll exacted by industrial production increases, and becomes increasingly visible.

Global demand for meat has multiplied in recent years, encouraged by growing affluence and nourished by the proliferation of huge, confined animal feeding operations. These assembly-line meat factories consume enormous amounts of energy, pollute water supplies, generate significant greenhouse gases and require ever-increasing amounts of corn, soy and other grains, a dependency that has led to the destruction of vast swaths of the world’s tropical rain forests.

Just this week, the president of Brazil announced emergency measures to halt the burning and cutting of the country’s rain forests for crop and grazing land. In the last five months alone, the government says, 1,250 square miles were lost.

The world’s total meat supply was 71 million tons in 1961. In 2007, it was estimated to be 284 million tons. Per capita consumption has more than doubled over that period. (In the developing world, it rose twice as fast, doubling in the last 20 years.) World meat consumption is expected to double again by 2050, which one expert, Henning Steinfeld of the United Nations, says is resulting in a “relentless growth in livestock production.”

Americans eat about the same amount of meat as we have for some time, about eight ounces a day, roughly twice the global average. At about 5 percent of the world’s population, we “process” (that is, grow and kill) nearly 10 billion animals a year, more than 15 percent of the world’s total.

Growing meat (it’s hard to use the word “raising” when applied to animals in factory farms) uses so many resources that it’s a challenge to enumerate them all. But consider: an estimated 30 percent of the earth’s ice-free land is directly or indirectly involved in livestock production, according to the United Nation’s Food and Agriculture Organization, which also estimates that livestock production generates nearly a fifth of the world’s greenhouse gases — more than transportation.

To put the energy-using demand of meat production into easy-to-understand terms, Gidon Eshel, a geophysicist at the Bard Center, and Pamela A. Martin, an assistant professor of geophysics at the University of Chicago, calculated that if Americans were to reduce meat consumption by just 20 percent it would be as if we all switched from a standard sedan — a Camry, say — to the ultra-efficient Prius. Similarly, a study last year by the National Institute of Livestock and Grassland Science in Japan estimated that 2.2 pounds of beef is responsible for the equivalent amount of carbon dioxide emitted by the average European car every 155 miles, and burns enough energy to light a 100-watt bulb for nearly 20 days.

Grain, meat and even energy are roped together in a way that could have dire results. More meat means a corresponding increase in demand for feed, especially corn and soy, which some experts say will contribute to higher prices.

This will be inconvenient for citizens of wealthier nations, but it could have tragic consequences for those of poorer ones, especially if higher prices for feed divert production away from food crops. The demand for ethanol is already pushing up prices, and explains, in part, the 40 percent rise last year in the food price index calculated by the United Nations’ Food and Agricultural Organization.

Though some 800 million people on the planet now suffer from hunger or malnutrition, the majority of corn and soy grown in the world feeds cattle, pigs and chickens. This despite the inherent inefficiencies: about two to five times more grain is required to produce the same amount of calories through livestock as through direct grain consumption, according to Rosamond Naylor, an associate professor of economics at Stanford University. It is as much as 10 times more in the case of grain-fed beef in the United States.

The environmental impact of growing so much grain for animal feed is profound. Agriculture in the United States — much of which now serves the demand for meat — contributes to nearly three-quarters of all water-quality problems in the nation’s rivers and streams, according to the Environmental Protection Agency.

Because the stomachs of cattle are meant to digest grass, not grain, cattle raised industrially thrive only in the sense that they gain weight quickly. This diet made it possible to remove cattle from their natural environment and encourage the efficiency of mass confinement and slaughter. But it causes enough health problems that administration of antibiotics is routine, so much so that it can result in antibiotic-resistant bacteria that threaten the usefulness of medicines that treat people.

Those grain-fed animals, in turn, are contributing to health problems among the world’s wealthier citizens — heart disease, some types of cancer, diabetes. The argument that meat provides useful protein makes sense, if the quantities are small. But the “you gotta eat meat” claim collapses at American levels. Even if the amount of meat we eat weren’t harmful, it’s way more than enough.

Americans are downing close to 200 pounds of meat, poultry and fish per capita per year (dairy and eggs are separate, and hardly insignificant), an increase of 50 pounds per person from 50 years ago. We each consume something like 110 grams of protein a day, about twice the federal government’s recommended allowance; of that, about 75 grams come from animal protein. (The recommended level is itself considered by many dietary experts to be higher than it needs to be.) It’s likely that most of us would do just fine on around 30 grams of protein a day, virtually all of it from plant sources.

What can be done? There’s no simple answer. Better waste management, for one. Eliminating subsidies would also help; the United Nations estimates that they account for 31 percent of global farm income. Improved farming practices would help, too. Mark W. Rosegrant, director of environment and production technology at the nonprofit International Food Policy Research Institute, says, “There should be investment in livestock breeding and management, to reduce the footprint needed to produce any given level of meat.”

Then there’s technology. Israel and Korea are among the countries experimenting with using animal waste to generate electricity. Some of the biggest hog operations in the United States are working, with some success, to turn manure into fuel.

Longer term, it no longer seems lunacy to believe in the possibility of “meat without feet” — meat produced in vitro, by growing animal cells in a super-rich nutrient environment before being further manipulated into burgers and steaks.

Another suggestion is a return to grazing beef, a very real alternative as long as you accept the psychologically difficult and politically unpopular notion of eating less of it. That’s because grazing could never produce as many cattle as feedlots do. Still, said Michael Pollan, author of the recent book “In Defense of Food,” “In places where you can’t grow grain, fattening cows on grass is always going to make more sense.”

But pigs and chickens, which convert grain to meat far more efficiently than beef, are increasingly the meats of choice for producers, accounting for 70 percent of total meat production, with industrialized systems producing half that pork and three-quarters of the chicken.

Once, these animals were raised locally (even many New Yorkers remember the pigs of Secaucus), reducing transportation costs and allowing their manure to be spread on nearby fields. Now hog production facilities that resemble prisons more than farms are hundreds of miles from major population centers, and their manure “lagoons” pollute streams and groundwater. (In Iowa alone, hog factories and farms produce more than 50 million tons of excrement annually.)

These problems originated here, but are no longer limited to the United States. While the domestic demand for meat has leveled off, the industrial production of livestock is growing more than twice as fast as land-based methods, according to the United Nations.

Perhaps the best hope for change lies in consumers’ becoming aware of the true costs of industrial meat production. “When you look at environmental problems in the U.S.,” says Professor Eshel, “nearly all of them have their source in food production and in particular meat production. And factory farming is ‘optimal’ only as long as degrading waterways is free. If dumping this stuff becomes costly — even if it simply carries a non-zero price tag — the entire structure of food production will change dramatically.”

Animal welfare may not yet be a major concern, but as the horrors of raising meat in confinement become known, more animal lovers may start to react. And would the world not be a better place were some of the grain we use to grow meat directed instead to feed our fellow human beings?

Real prices of beef, pork and poultry have held steady, perhaps even decreased, for 40 years or more (in part because of grain subsidies), though we’re beginning to see them increase now. But many experts, including Tyler Cowen, a professor of economics at George Mason University, say they don’t believe meat prices will rise high enough to affect demand in the United States.

“I just don’t think we can count on market prices to reduce our meat consumption,” he said. “There may be a temporary spike in food prices, but it will almost certainly be reversed and then some. But if all the burden is put on eaters, that’s not a tragic state of affairs.”

If price spikes don’t change eating habits, perhaps the combination of deforestation, pollution, climate change, starvation, heart disease and animal cruelty will gradually encourage the simple daily act of eating more plants and fewer animals.

Mr. Rosegrant of the food policy research institute says he foresees “a stronger public relations campaign in the reduction of meat consumption — one like that around cigarettes — emphasizing personal health, compassion for animals, and doing good for the poor and the planet.”

It wouldn’t surprise Professor Eshel if all of this had a real impact. “The good of people’s bodies and the good of the planet are more or less perfectly aligned,” he said.

The United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organization, in its detailed 2006 study of the impact of meat consumption on the planet, “Livestock’s Long Shadow,” made a similar point: “There are reasons for optimism that the conflicting demands for animal products and environmental services can be reconciled. Both demands are exerted by the same group of people ... the relatively affluent, middle- to high-income class, which is no longer confined to industrialized countries. ... This group of consumers is probably ready to use its growing voice to exert pressure for change and may be willing to absorb the inevitable price increases.”

In fact, Americans are already buying more environmentally friendly products, choosing more sustainably produced meat, eggs and dairy. The number of farmers’ markets has more than doubled in the last 10 years or so, and it has escaped no one’s notice that the organic food market is growing fast. These all represent products that are more expensive but of higher quality.

If those trends continue, meat may become a treat rather than a routine. It won’t be uncommon, but just as surely as the S.U.V. will yield to the hybrid, the half-pound-a-day meat era will end.

Maybe that’s not such a big deal. “Who said people had to eat meat three times a day?” asked Mr. Pollan.


Mark Bittman, who writes the Minimalist column in the Dining In and Dining Out sections, is the author of “How to Cook Everything Vegetarian,” which was published last year. He is not a vegetarian.

Source

Is Hell Necessarily a Bad Place?

I wonder what hell is like for a celibate baddie.

Do you think his punishment would be non-stop forced orgies?

I just can't get this out of my head now.

A Level Results

I wonder when they would be released.

Why it pays to have a steely stomach.

Try me.

Thanks TL.

Totally Random

It's been a long time since I indulged in one of these totally random blog entries. These days, I tend to write something more significant in length because it is easier to be intensely cynical over an issue rather than a whole catalogue of them. I jest, of course.

Year change-overs tend to be news-ebb period. So boring, the stuff you read. It has gotten so bad that stupid things like who's pet died are also making to the newspapers. Are these really news-worthy? Or are they in the papers so that the press can justify charging me 80 cents for my daily dose of trash?

A friend told me he had given up newspapers since he can get almost every piece of news online. I almost agree with him. The Straits Times is at least a day, if not up to a week, behind for the news which I first read on Google News. When I flip through the papers, I normally end up reading just domestic news. I need to read the Straits Times simply because they carry enough details. Channelnewsasia.com is not very spectacular in that department; their written news are terse and are almost cut-and-paste from the news bulletins read out over national TV.

So, here are the random bits:

1. I was so heartened when Jo-Wilfried Tsonga knocked Rafael Nadal out of the Australian Open! Then my heart sank when Novak Djokovic did the same to Roger Federer. I am not a Fed-fan. I like Boris Becker (not Ivan Lendl, Stefan Edberg, Mats Wilander). I like John McEnroe and Jim Conners (not Michael Chang). I also like Andre Agassi (not Pistol Pete Sampras). But not Federer, Nadal, Djokovic and Tsonga. But among them, well, Federer is most "acceptable". So. Of course, I was very disappointed when Maria Sharapova bundled out new-mummy Lindsay Davenport out in the second round of the same tournament. I've followed Davenport since she started playing with Martina Navratilova (who was usually partnered with Pam Shriver) in some of the ladies' doubles matches. She was very young then.

2. Suharto died. This is sad. A neighbour (a Malay-Muslim no less) was still joking about him and his high profile Asean top leadership visitors at his bedside a fortnight ago. The next thing, he died an hour later.

3. US Writers' Guild Strike continues, making me more and more irritable. I wring my hands waiting for my next Desperate Housewives episode like a desperate pad-chelor. This is not very good. And of course, I am also desperate for my next episode of House. Thank god I no longer follow the likes of Lost or I'll be literally so - lost and suffering withdrawal from the lack of fresh TV fixes.

4. Sharemarket crash vs 75 basis point cut by US Fed Reserve. I wait with bated breath what the Fed guys are going to cut off next when the sharemarket next takes a rollercoaster ride to the bottom of the pits. Standing at 3.5% compared to 6.25% a year ago (my figures may be wrong if my memory is), I really really wonder what else the US folks can cut. Bernanke is probably cut at birth, so!

5. Sharemarket crash. Too little, too slowly and too directionless. I was hoping that the sharemarket would go right to pre-2005 levels. I would say that the US Fed cuts did not help the world economies. Instead of amputating above the rot, the cut is akin to cutting just beneath it with the hope that this excision would be enough to stop the gangrene. This simply doesn't work (and I wait with bated breath to be proven right). If I were Bernanke, I'd let the market fall another 20% before announcing the cuts. Then, the sharemarket values would be at a more reasonable level. Any salvation package would then work. To give another analogy, when drop first aid parcels when Katrina is still wreaking havoc at full blast? Not only would the first aid parcels be lost in the winds, the people and aircraft in the mission are also put in danger. Aid only works when the tornado goes away. That time, you send in the first aid, enough and quick.

6. MRT line extension. Singapore will get 2 new MRT lines by 2020. And then I realised I would be 45 then. Er... Well, folks, this is my tax money paying it forward here. So stop bitching that my generation is only concerned about we, us and ourselves. In any case, if we are, so what? Who are we to know that there would *still* be oil left to generate electricity to power any trains, much less those lines.

7. When will the world come to the realisation that to regress is the new progress? We have expanded too much, too fast and without any consideration to the sustainability. Ok, I'm wrong. People did consider how such developments are sustainable. Just consume, mine, waste at higher rates. This is not progress; this is self-destruction. Earth might become a white dwarf before the sun.

I've gone on too much already. I need to give this a rest.

Church members to picket Heath Ledger's funeral

A US church says actor Heath Ledger is in hell because he played a gay cowboy in one of his films, and has vowed to picket his funeral.

The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC), a Kansas-based congregation known for its demonstrations outside funerals for US soldiers killed in Iraq, said the Perth-born Australian actor who died yesterday was "now in hell".

"WBC will picket this pervert's funeral in religious protest," the group said in a statement on its website.

"God hates the sordid, tacky bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as Brokeback Mountain – and He hates all persons having anything to whatsoever to do with it.

"Heath Ledger is now in hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there."

In a later interview, church spokeswoman Shirley Phelps-Roper said on Fox News that demonstrations would be limited to memorial services held in the US.

"He got on that big screen with a big, fat message: God is a liar and it's OK to be gay," Ms Phelps-Roper said.

The church, which has been classified by the Southern Poverty Law Centre as a "hate group", also planned to demonstrate outside the upcoming Academy Awards ceremony.

Ledger, 28, was found dead in his Manhattan apartment yesterday. A post-mortem examination has been inconclusive and toxicology tests are being performed to determine what, if any, drugs were in his system when he died.

Ledger was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of gay cowboy Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain, a role for which he was widely admired.

Source

Oh please! It's a movie and he was merely an actor. Although I am not a HL fan either, I didn't feel right for such actions to be taken. There should be better things for these people to do, for instance, picketing at some serial killers' or serial rapists' funerals.

If HL is off to hell, I now wonder where those pedophilic bishops and sex-predatory priests would go after death. By the way, they had abused their position to satisfy their needs. Their acts are committed "in the name of god". Does that therefore mean that they had submitted a request to him and he gave them the green light to go-ahead? I doubt they had and I doubt if they had, god would have permitted it.

So, who will picket their funerals?

Old Whig owes me cookies

Cookie Poem by Teflonman
(Adapted from Love Poem by e. e. cummings)

i remember your promise to me (i remember it in
my heart) i am still without cookies (anywhere
you go i follow, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no cookies (for you owe me cookies, my sweet) i want
my cookies (or whatever you are baking, my true)
and it's you are whatever Pepperidge Farm has always meant
and whatever Danone will always sing is you

here is the freshest flour anybody knows
(here is the sugar of the sugar and the spice of the spice
and the chocolate of the chocolate of a tree called sin; which comes
together when baking soda can raise or butter can glide)
and you are the man that's keeping the batter apart

i remember your promise (i remember it in my heart)

Original text:

Love Poem by e. e. cummings
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Do not stand on my grave and weep

This poem is largely considered to be written by Mary Elizabeth Frye (1904-2004), but of disputed origin.

An early version, printed by others on postcards:

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Her later confirmed version:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.


While I was watching the tenth episode of Desperate Housewives season four, a modified version of the poem was uttered by Mrs. McClusky, just before Lynette scattered the ashes of Ida Greenberg on the baseball field where Ida had executed a triple play.

It was a touching moment because Ida died because she saved the Scavos. She made them hide under the staircase while she bore the brunt of the collapsed house. Mrs McClusky was her best friend on Wisteria Lane. Lynette felt terribly guilty because she had cornered McClusky into allowing them to hide in the basement at her place because of the approaching tornado. Lynette and McClusky hadn't been "friends" - McClusky had been most candid in telling Lynette that she only thought of her when she needed help. The bitching and politics make DH highly watchable.

But this poem is poignant and beautiful one and too good to miss. And so I shall share with my readers.

Life's nuggets

1. Never look upon a half-filled cup as half-empty. If you do, people will try to drain even more away from your cup.

2. It is easy to see yourself as a victim and therefore perceive every action, word or intent with disdain, suspicion or hatred. Instead, treat your tormentors as the rocks which you are forced to grind yourself against, after which reveals the gem that resides in you.

The Age of Dis-innocence

When we were kids, people allowed us to say what we wanted because we were in the age of innocence. Hardly anyone would take offence with what we say because we "didn't know better". Childhood was also characterised by the "inability" to process thoughts and knowledge. Thus, the mouth merely verbalised what the eyes saw. Think "The Emperor's New Clothes".

As we became cognizant of the power of our words and thoughts, we are held responsible for the things we say. Even our thoughts, the very thoughts which are not even in concrete forms, can land us in jail. The premise here is that if one harbours certain thoughts or holds dear certain beliefs, one is bound to act on them eventually. So, regardless of the eventual outcomes, one may be punished. Think "Al-Qaeda operatives".

It is no surprise then that once past the age of innocence, people learn to shut up. People hold back their thoughts and their words. They live and work in vacuums. For, like the fish, opening their mouths land them in trouble, especially if they are hooked up. Of course, like the fish, when thrown alive into the frying pan, it struggles but it might just land itself into the fire. Considering the dire consequences, people, being able to think for themselves (most/some of the time), simply learn to keep everything to themselves.

I read something recently about making discoveries and breakthroughs. I can't seem to find the exact quote but it ran along the lines of "if you are among the familiar ideas and concepts, you are far from them. It is when the path becomes increasingly difficult and lonely that you know you are perhaps reaching something big."

This seems to be a common refrain for many people who devote their lives into finding the next big thing - except on TV reality programmes, that is. As they move out of the ordinary realms, they face different challenges requiring different manners of managing them. For instance, these people may simply lose the ability to find an audience who appreciate their work. Or they may need to enshroud everything they do in a cloak of secrecy because world peace or lots of money is involved. Or better yet, they are going to do something earth-shattering but they might not live to see their handiwork. No one knows.

But certainly, after the age of innocence, a lot of non-innocence ensues and prevails. Until one reaches the age of dis-innocence.

Pardon me as I try to explain my invention "dis-innocence". The age of dis-innocence is the stage where you are free to let loose whatever you have done or thought about in the past without fear of moral reproach or mortal repercussions. In particular, I was struck by something I read on Fraser's blog:

I liked the information Bill Cosby gave to fathers many years ago; saved me from lots of diaper changes. He explained that a father need only prick his child once while changing a diaper, a minor pin prick was all that would make the mother take over and never let the father do it again.

To "come clean" on something like this, to me, marks the period of dis-innocence. Perhaps some form of senescence has taken place but certainly, the lucid guy must have decided that it is time to throw caution to the winds and let it off his chest without a second thought or a care.

The age of dis-innocence is still different from the "final confession" stage where all sins are forgiven when one is drawing one's last few breaths. Dis-innocent sharings allow the perpetrator of naughty, clandestine acts to air them openly, perhaps with the conscious knowledge that once the burden of the "special insider knoweldge" is off the chest, what comes after is the deliverance of any emotional baggage and even better yet, with no punishment. The person in receipt of the dis-innocent information would also have moved past the stage of wanting any form of pay back.

Indeed, the age of dis-innocence is perhaps marked with freedom from cares and worries and shows that the dis-innocent is in an environment flowing with lots of love and forgiveness.

I hope my age of dis-innocence come soon.

For Old Whig

she being Brand /-new by e e cummings

she being Brand

-new;and you
know consequently a
little stiff i was
careful of her and(having

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.

K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

up, slipped the
clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she
kicked what
the hell)next
minute i was back in neutral tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg. ing(my

lev-er Right-
oh and her gears being in
A 1 shape passed
from low through
second-in-to-high like
greasedlightning)just as we turned the corner of Divinity

avenue i touched the accelerator and give

her the juice,good

(it

was the first ride and believe i we was
happy to see how nice she acted right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Public
Gardens i slammed on

the
internalexpanding
&
externalcontracting
brakes Bothatonce and

brought allofher tremB
-ling
to a:dead.

stand-
;Still)

Now, what are you going to call me next?

Taking Advantage

It is natural tendency for any one or any organisation with the leverage over another to take advantage on virtue of its position.

New York Pizza Dough

2 cups water
2 tablespoons yeast
1-2 teaspoons salt
3 tablespoons olive oil
4 1/2 - 5 cups bread flour

Looks like this would work too.

Fuss-free Pizza Dough

3 1/2 cups flour
1 1/6 cup water
1 tablespoon yeast
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon salt

Put in bread machine, use Dough settings.
Dust table with flour and cut the dough into three portions.
Roll each portion into quarter-inch thick bases.
You have enough dough for three 30-cm pizzas.
(Place dough on parchment and bake in a 180 degree C oven for 10 minutes before adding the toppings. Then bake till golden brown or the cheese bubbles.)

The pizza base can be rolled very thin if you wish.
This could yield up to 6 pizza bases.
(Place dough on parchment, add the toppings and bake till golden brown in 180 degree C oven.)

NB: Pasta sauce make lousy pizza sauce bases. Too watery.

Four Basic Needs

What are your 4 basic needs?

I do not mean for elementary survival. You may assume that those are a given. At this stage of your life, what are your 4 basic needs?

My 4 basic needs at this point in time are: time, space, liberty to pursue my dreams and a rich old dying datin.

How a ripple became a tsunami

I still cannot understand how a 2% increase in GST can result in an overall increase of about 30% (projected) in the upcoming expenses in Chinese New Year preparations.

Neither do I understand how it could result in a 20/25/33% increase in some cooked food prices ($2.50 to $3/$2 to $2.50/$2 to $3).

Or how things in supermarkets could have cost so much.

People will say that it is also because of the rising oil prices, the rising labour costs, the this and the that.

But still, these do not explain how the ripple became a tsunami.

Help, I'm drowning...

Suharto's tenacity

I suddenly realise Pak Harto cannot allow himself to die. Not yet.

He needed to protect his family and perhaps the stashed away cash.

For that, he hopes his plight would move the people to pardon and forgive him. He hopes any debts will be written off before he go.

Or, he wants his innocence to be returned to him.

The obstacles that keep people from the last breath.

Sigh.

如何深藏不露

女人越波涛汹涌, 越要学会淑女矜持;
男人越暗流澎湃, 越要学会不露痕迹。

A Pregnancy Bonus?

I was just thinking random thoughts when I happened to revisit T. F.'s rant about taxes as well as the ludicrous request by the Louisiana Senator asking Congress for USD250 billion to rebuild New Orleans. Among other things, he claimed that using simple division, "if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012."

I love this idea of raining cash. I would transplant myself to New Orleans if this amount of money is going to drop on me. I would even vote a Dem.... Oh wait. You never trust a Democrat.

Then I thought about how the Singapore government is throwing money at its people to get married, have kids and look after their old. Ok, at least there is clearly a Baby Bonus, where parents of second, third and fourth (and maybe subsequent) newborns are given awards of money and in kind.

Yet, while we see some improvements in our birth rates, more needed to be done. This is especially so when the father now calls upon his generation to work as long as they can before they can go and kick the bucket. So the son's idea of having more kids is becoming less and less attractive, since knowing very well that these very kids you are going to bring to suffer the injustices of the world are now going to be saddled with an additional problem - a aged populace of working folks who simply won't shut up, get out and go away for good.

If people don't retire, we have corporations and organisations that are bloated at the top end of the age scale. If we go by seniority, these elderly workers may occupy the middle parts of the spectrum. Just like obesity, it's the middle layers that do you in. So, is that really sound? Perhaps there are jobs just to take care of such things.

But truly, death is an inevitable outcome of living. (I can't believe I had written something that corny but I did.) So we should let nature take its course and not play god. Not all of us are going to live on and on because we are not genetically predisposed to. Just yesterday, I found out from Wikipedia that kangaroos live four to six years in general and a female kangaroo is in a perpetual state of pregnancy. The only day she is not pregnant is when she gives birth. (I know - Wiki had that and I went D - U - H as well.)

Despite their short livespan, there are about 50 million of them in Australia but since hunters were allowed to kill these marsupials for food and hide (and roo meat is really nice!), the numbers are more controlled now. Still, they could easily become a pest if they are not culled on a regular basis. (Animal conservationists are going to take issue with this. Hey guys, I eat dog meat too!)

So, at this point, I can't believe I have digressed so much that I actually forgot that I was writing about the pregnancy bonus!

Let me get back on track.

Societal conditions have made it rather unpalatable for couples to have kids again. Perhaps we can resort of using yet another carrot to entice them to make babies. To this end, we can offer the Pregnancy Bonus.

I really believe this will come sooner or later. When it becomes bad enough, trust me - natural births might be offered free in government hospitals (just like budget air tickets). Parents are just liable for the relevant service charges and taxes.

For me, I await the day when men are given an "emission bonus" for bringing about pregnancies.

欠扁问答题

哪一间中学?

1. 没大没小
(圣公会 - 圣中 on their PE shirts)

2. 妇产科医院,大人小孩都走了 。
(圣婴)

Do we trust too much?

Do just accept our credit card statements and bank statements as-is?

Or do you whip out a calculator to redo the sums on the statements to check that they are correct?

Interesting, because today, I saw a woman doing credit card and bank sums on the train.

It's not the first time I've seen people doing this (mostly Chinese nationals in Singapore) and it makes me begin to question if it is me or it is her (them) who is (are) the weird one(s).

Why Must I Work Till I Am Ready To Die?

News reports said that during MM’s dialogue session at the Silver Industry Conference and Exhibition last Friday, MM’s replies were filled with family stories told with a light touch. MM also touched on the subject of staying active, saying that people needed to be interested in life, as data showed that those who were inactive after retirement died quickly.

On working at a lower gear, ST quoted MM saying: "I do not believe we should have a retirement age. It is very difficult to switch from what is a world practice which we adopted, the British left us at 55, we pushed it up to 60 and pushed it up to 62. I think a man and woman should go on working for as long as we can but changing the nature of the intensity of the work as he ages."

Hm.

Did the reporters remember that MM recently ate a dinner which cost $1,200 per head? Maybe such meals are a kind of elixir to longer life.

I can't afford that for sure; last night's crab buffet dinner at $60+++ per head for the family took us a long time to ponder over. It was only after I said I'll pick the bill that we ordered it. I don't think the dinner would add a single minute to my life. Wrong type of food, I think.

I believe there must be an alternative to working.

For instance, go help do other kinds of work that make you happy! Do some charity work. Go on a tour. Do something useful with your life!

Oh, maybe you really need to work because you need to buy the tonics to keep you alive to work...

Me? I think I'll stop working once I feel I have done enough working. Death? All men die. Just kick the bucket. Why force myself to stay alive and strain the public resources?

Why? 'Cos I don't think our later generations are going to be very happy paying 70% GST to keep us alive.

The Pied Piper of Everest

An entry about a man of our times, Sir Edmund Percival Hillary.

Sir Edmund Percival Hillary died today at the age of 88, almost 55 years after the ascent that made him and Tenzing one of the great heroes of the 20th century. For one who had reached such lofty heights he was a strange mix of confidence and modesty; bravado and reticence. A beekeeper and amatuer mountaineer from New Zealand, he figured in one of this century's defining moments: the conquest of Everest on May 29, 1953.

Success was theirs. Even before the expedition had reached basecamp news of their feat had made London — in time for Elizabeth II's coronation. Hillary, who had never approved of titles, learned to his horror that he had been knighted and could not demur as the title had been accepted on his behalf by the New Zealand Prime Minister. The euphoria of coronation and conquest combined as a symbol of a new Elizabethan era. In reality it was more an ending. Hillary and Tenzing's accomplishment was the last major earthly adventure and also the last great symbol of Empire. The next great exploratory leap came with a push into space by the new super powers: the Soviet Union and the United States.

Click for full article.

Hindsight and history-writers are always sharp and brutal. Once feted as a hero who conquered Everest, Hillary was soon sidelined to the annals of history as Russian astronaut Yuri Gagarin became the first man in space in 1961 (Gagarin died in 1968 at 34 years old when his fighter jet crashed) and US astronaut Neil Armstrong planted the US flag on the moon in 1969. I think the next major breakthrough is when one of our neighbours send their astronauts to plant their flags on the sun. (Too hot? The grapevine says they intend to go there in the night.)

I first read about Sir Hillary in my primary school English textbook. His Mt Everest story was briefly mentioned. Then, he was somewhat a hero. I never thought of him as a hero. My heroes are always those who wear their underwear outside their normal clothes. Or if they can transform into red and silver giants and battle intergalatic monsters. Who would give a man who conquered a lump of earth hero status?

Still, as time went by, Hillary appeared on international radar screens on and off. It was only when I read the full article that I found out he had been also an Ambassador, adding to my existing knowledge that he was involved in philantropy work in the Himalayan regions. Rightly too, in the media was the lump of earth called Everest.

With time, I begin to form my opinion about the man and his mountain. Indifference is quite a good knowledge management tool, especially when you do not know what to do with the knowledge. Well, my own experience also contributed to the opinion of him and athletic conquests, being not athletically inclined myself. I list spectator sports and jaw-exercises (aka munching food) as my favourite sport and exercise respectively.

After Hillary and Tenzing showed that Everest was not impregnable, people thronged to Everest to claim they have topped her. Like the piped piper who used his magic pipe to hypnotise throngs of children - by the way, where is he when I need him to rid those screaming kids from the cinemas, restaurants, book shops, libraries, cafes,... - Hillary's ascent seemed to have thrown up an ongoing "one-upmanship" challenge to the common man, leading many to their deaths.

I read news stories now about how climbers feigned ignorance (of English) to avoid helping other climbers in distress in conquering Everest, how climbers left the weakest or injured to their deaths so that their paid holiday is not ruined, how climbers fell to their deaths in their conquest of the elusive Everest nipple, how the mountain was now a morgue, a trash centre, a desecrated site.

Was there a need to scale Mount Everest when it already existed in all of us? Until now, I do not know if Hillary had mentioned this philosophical insight once in his life or books. (If he did, please let me know. I'll elevate him to a different plane.) Our vices are our Everests. Yet we try to conquer the physical and forget to cultivate the spiritual Everests. Sacrilegious!

But perhaps. Perhaps Everest is there to be sullied so as to also cleanse.

Mental resilience

We are never taught to lose gracefully.
Our forefathers knew how to lose. Gracefully or not, they learnt to bounce back.

We will never want to lose.
Our forefathers knew to treat a win as an exception than the norm.

We cannot consider a loss as an acceptable outcome.
Our forefathers consider a loss as a lesson; an experience on which to build future conquests.

We are unable to live without structure; certainty was needed.
Our forefathers lived without structure; uncertainty ruled.

We will never want to be forced to live a structured life; we wanted to be in control.
Our forefathers lived regardless of structure; they learnt to cope with whatever little control.

We are unable to cope when the structure is taken away.
Our forefathers yielded with the times, like water taking the shapes of the obstacles in their way and slowly wore away the impediments.

We expect only good news - one after another.
Our forefathers hoped to get good news too - if it ever reached them.

We will never want bad news.
Our forefathers were always hopeful that bad news would not come their way.

We cannot even accept bad news as outcomes of our bad decisions.
Our forefathers stoically accepted the outcomes of the decisions, regardless.

We need pats on our backs for our work done.
Our forefathers were only too glad to be able to keep the skin on their backs.

We fret when we do not get it.
Our forefathers were only too glad to avoid the "whips" that could cripple them.

We even fear other people getting patted on their backs when we do our work.
Our forefathers knew one man could never get the whole work done.

We demand attention for ourselves.
Our forefathers were happy to stay out of the limelight.

We will never accept being sidelined.
Our forefathers knew that seeking attention is akin to a moth seeking a naked flame.

We will not accept any work that might not get us the attention we desire.
Our forefathers would have just have gotten the work done.

We have a problem.
Our forefathers had problems.

We will never accept that we have a problem; the problem is someone or somewhere else.
Our forefathers may or may not accept that problems existed but for whatever it took, they owned the problem.

Even when diagnosed, we may not even get help for our problem.
Our forefathers would be only too happy to have their problems diagnosed.

Yet as our forefathers lived to ripe old ages and died natural deaths, we - the baby boomers and after - are dying prematurely. A good number of these deaths are by suicide.

I think mental resilience is the main contributing factor.

While advances in medical science have helped diagnose many psychological and psychiatric disorders, the societal support structure and medical service providers are badly-equipped to handle diagnosed cases.

Our forefathers probably had a decent family unit to look after them. What do we have? Medical social workers? Hospitals?

Our forefathers probably had it really bad and what they have now would still be better than what they suffered in the past. So they suffered willingly. What about us? We enter the world and see it enter its golden age and then right after, it goes downhill. What else is there to give us the impetus to carry on living in this world?

The villages our forefathers came from were probably their cocoons. The world out there is an entire different universe. For us, the world is our cocoon. If our haven is compromised, from where do we seek refuge?

The outcomes for the two "distinct" generations become obvious - our forefathers ask to be kept alive by all means, we try to die when we hit our first major snag.

Our survival instincts are much less acute than our forefathers'. Progress has made us go soft and vulnerable. We lose our "under siege" mentality and the resilience to say "hit me with your best shot, buster!" but "don't count on it 'cos I'll bounce back, and bounce back stronger than you have ever seen!"

In short, Society also needs to deal with the "global warming of the minds". Whereas a cooler period existed in the past, the heat from added stress and not having undergone the baptism of fire through life-changing moments has brought about a few generations of more and more "mental weaklings".

Committing Suicide

I must, first and foremost, condemn the act of suicide as one of irresponsibility and cowardice. I do not condone the act, even the attempt to do so. - added 11 Jan 08

The irony is, those who always say they will go and commit suicide are the ones who are least likely to do so.

People always think that death or threatening another with death is the surest way of getting their way.

This is so juvenile.

Using death as a threat just to get your way is just a recipe for people to give in to you now, *then* look elsewhere for a replacement for you.

Trust me.

The most brilliant ones die quietly, leaving you to blame yourself for the rest of your living days for not letting them have their way.

Why not?

After note (added 11 Jan 08) - This is, of course, an act of the vengeful on those whom they wish to affect. One class of such people are the terrorists. Fortunately, the peoples have learnt to condemn such act instead of giving them sympathy, which was sporadically shown in past.

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This is tongue-in-cheek and is entirely harmless. Still, if you have someone to recommend, please do.

Are you RICH?

Are you OLD?

Are you DYING?

Are you a DATIN?

If so, you are the one I am looking for!

Other qualifying conditions:

Owns (and fully paid for) a plot of land half the size of SINGAPORE
Beside the beach (optional - scared of tsunami)

Has an Olympic size swimming pool, an Olympic sized diving pool, an Olympic sized wading pool and lots of deck chairs all around

Has butlers and maids to look after me head to toe (or better still, hair to sole)

Has a 888-bedroom house with 1088 toilets, lifts, sprawling but well-coiffered yard, immaculately maintained, clean and lettable (no need to convert into hotel later!)

Has no offspring (biological or otherwise), no pets, no illicit affairs (with members of house staff e.g. butler), siblings, husband, any other blood relations

Preferably cannot tell the difference between the real thing and a leg of ham

Will die right after but not before less than what it takes for local inheritance laws to kick in

(What else am I missing?)

Changi Airport Terminal 3 Begins Operations

Singapore's US$1.22 billion Terminal 3 has begun commercial operations.

It is huge and I walked a lot when I went down just now just to soak in the historic moment when SQ1 from SFO (via HKG) arrived at the terminal.

There was not a very festive atmosphere there but certainly, T3 looks quite ready to go.

For one, it did not look like an airport which had just opened its doors. The shops are in, the crowd is in and the car park is full!

And during lunch at Earle Swensen's, which is on the viewing gallery level, we had a good time eating and watching airplanes land.

And the plane that came in as SQ1 rolled out as SQ318 to fly off to London. First flight to arrive and depart T3.

To me, it was a historic event because I was not there when Terminals 1 and 2 turned operational. It was nice to be part of it.

And I'll be flying out of T3 when I visit Australia in February. Oh well, I would have been so familiar with the terminal by then. The only additional experience would really be to finally get to board a plane after the visit and not turn around and return to office or home.

T. F. to run for president

Oh, I forgot a ?. It should really be "T. F. to run for President?"

I think it wouldn't be a bad idea.

The man's fixed up and probably has at least one, if not two, excellent terms ahead of him. And after that, he'll buy over the whole of Houston by giving motivational talks and charging US120k per hour.

I think this is what Billy is charging now. Wonder what people ask him to talk about? "How to stay hardly engaged?" I don't know.

But there is a market for him and he is doing well. Small wonder Shrillary gets so much to dispose away without a second thought at her campaigns.

Really, whether or not she garners the Democratic nomination is moot. She could become the next motivational speaker, similar to the ex-HP CEO Carly Fiorina. She should probably talk about "Now I know I hardly engaged."

Well, it's true - folks are only keen for a good show. For the presidency, they need candidates of better calibre. My friend, T. F., probably will fit the bill as a neutral president more interested in fast cars, Christmas tree decorations and festive family gatherings.

He'll bring the zoom back to the econonmy (and maybe help GM and Ford regain top-dog status). He'll spruce up tired looking America (and maybe make the airports look nicer, cleaner, more efficient and less hung up about unnecessary security screening). He'll bring the troops home (after tricking Iran to self-destruct with its nuclear weapons and flatten the entire region).

Maybe it's time for him to throw his hat into the ring. I'd vote for him.

Now, to convince Lucy...

So I chose to stand

I got on to the MRT platform today and there was a train in the station. The seats were all taken and the train was due to leave in a minute. Another train was due to arrive in a minute and would probably stay in the station (the station's a terminal stop) for a couple of minutes before leaving.

I hesitated between waiting for the next train and getting on the full train.

Then something turned the tide and I hopped on the departing train straightaway, standing at a seat occupied by a student in uniform whose school is two stations away.

At the next stop, someone got off and I got myself a seat.

What made me change my mind? It was Mr Halitosis.

And then it went away

A friend from Britain whom I chat with told me to stick a clove between the gum and the cheek above the hurting tooth. I did that. I even left a clove there overnight.

Guess what? The pain went away.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the tooth today. I have no excuse whatsoever to visit the dentist.

To say I'm stumped is an understatement.

So now I wonder if it could be arthriteeth.

Iowans kicked ass

Hillary Clinton's ass that is.

People should be wary about power hungry women in pants. These are not "just women". They are men born in the wrong body. And they normally have the worst inflictions of the two sexes - the over-ambitious and asshole tendencies of the males and the vain and vengeful tendencies of the females.

I hope the remaining caucuses will follow Iowa's lead. While America should already be ready for a female president, Hillary is not it.

And the UL1 ached...

I have a terrible toothache.

I know exactly which tooth is aching. In fact, it is so bad that I could feel the tooth throb.

It is the upper left front tooth.

The last time it happened, I called in at my dentist and he ran a battery of tests on the tooth, including a tooth x-ray. It was not unlike the differential diagnosis that Dr Gregory House would run to diagnose what was wrong with the patient. The ice cube test, the shot of air test, the electric current test, the x-ray and finally the light test. In the end, the diagnosis was suspected tooth trauma.

I had bitten into a chicken thigh bone not too long ago and my trusty dentist had decided that this was the likely underlying cause for the tooth trauma.

So the pain subsided a little with time. And then the aches came back sometimes, got better at other time. Yesterday, the toothache flared with a vengeance. This morning, I could not even touch the tooth. Even my upper lip resting on it send waves of pain out from the single pain source.

I am miserable. I know there is nothing wrong with the tooth - I did a tap test on the two front teeth and both sounded the same. There were no major discolouration, no halitosis, no bleeding, no nothing. Except the tooth is really really giving me a lot of pain.

I could drink cold water without aggravating it. So I can rule out sensitivity. There is no crack, so that should preclude cracked enamel as one of the causes. I could suck in air without pain, so again, it is not sensitivity. I wonder if there is an internal fracture or if the insides of the tooth is infected.

I really don't know what the hell is going on. The painkiller is only working NOT and the pain has not subsided enough for me to feel that it has become tolerable.

I'll pop by the dentist again tomorrow and let's see what he can do. I wonder if there is some tumour somewhere pressing on the nerve connected to that tooth. I hope this is not the case. What I know is the pain is mainly from the cutting edge of the tooth and there is a very minor chip there. I think it was the crabs but I am not too sure.

I wonder if he could just see what he can do with the cutting edge. If that stops the pain, I'll be very thankful. Pain, what a pain.

It's not a writer's block

I have not been writing much because I haven't got the mood to write much.

I've spent a lot of time travelling to and from work. Mostly, I have been a decidedly uninterested commuter who could not care two hoots about his surroundings except for cases where my personal space is invaded.

I'll just share one case, since this is a rather regular occurrence.

There is this guy - late 40s or 50s - who has mild halitosis. Yet every morning, he is sitting beside a lady - a colleague, I think - and he'll be talking non-stop.

I had the misfortune of sitting beside the man on two occasions and had to suffer the stink the entire journey.

Now, I am wiser. I can recognise him and I know to avoid where he is sitting.

My only question is how the female companion can tolerate his stinky breath.

Waiting

Waiting now to cut the freshly harvested basil into the loaf of bread.

Could easily tear the basil leaves and dump them into the mixture but they would oxidise and turn brown. I don't think it'll be very nice in the bread after that.

So while I wait, I'll write a little.

Amish Bread

I read a recipe for making Amish Bread and I tried it.

The sweet smelling, pretty, crusty loaf is now cooling down in the microwave oven.

I honestly do not know how long it is going to last but I'm sure it's going to be well-loved.

I'll be making a few more loaves.

Self-imposed Gag Order

It is weird writing this entry. Why would anyone serve a gag order on him- or herself? For a rather long period of time, I served myself a gag order to avoid talking about my plans ahead.

I am not by any measure a conniving person or a scheming one. However, there are some things that are not convenient to write about in an open medium such as the blog. Sure, I trust my readers. But there are times when you do not know who else is really reading what you have written.

I don't believe in hiding behind password protected posts. This would be awkward and extremely discourteous. How would it feel if I password protected every freaking entry I write because I am harassed by shadows and all the readers I link and am linked to are not given any access. I don't think it would be any fun for anyone visiting my blog to feel as though they are walking into shut doors.

There are other reasons why I choose to keep certain plans under wraps. I do not want to be caught in a bind where, despite having a change of mind, I am still forced to execute the plans. This is certainly not something I want to end up facing. Volition is the key.

Announcing an intention early would also give people the wrong basis on which they judge your actions. Rightly or wrongly, people are swayed by their emotions and they make up their minds based on their own interpretation of the situation. Even the best laid plans can be entirely laid to waste, the best intentions entirely misinterpreted and the most innocent actions entirely misjudged. I was there before and I do not want to go there again.

There are always people out there who need to find the roots or the raison d'etre of your actions. Repeated explanations as to why their attempts are futile can fall on deaf ears. They decide for you what your reasons should be for that decision. Sometimes, their explanations for your decisions are so ludicrous that you do not even know how to react.

Yet others try to make you conform to the "norms" or "standards" which they impose on you. In short, you begin to question why you are living your life for them. You get the feeling or you are made to feel that you do not even know how to think for yourself.

What is wrong with choosing a different way to live my life? I don't go killing people or plundering others' wealth. I don't go begging for charity or handouts. I don't need to live like a king nor do I hope to live like one. I just want my sanity back. I want my life back. I want my time back.

I want to elevate myself to new knowledge realms, through further education, through new experiences, by changing an environment, by giving up the tried and tested for something more experimental, by forsaking the safe and mundane for the exciting and esoteric. I want to move from a fail-safe environment to a safe-fail one. No one can, after all, expect to have everything plain sailing all the way. The best kayakers learn survival skills by perfecting the techniques that can neutralise each and every treacherous situation in a safe-fail manner. They assume that getting into trouble is a given; surviving the trials and tribulations is the skill they need to learn. If instead, they were to assume that the treacherous situations at sea would never get to them, then I believe we would be seeing more fish fodder than we would like.

It is not in my interest to divulge since when the gag order was in force. For one, it is not useful for the readers to know. Two, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing - readers may piece together their own version of the happenings and then give all sorts of unintented and inaccurate representations of my thoughts and actions. Three, everything had been in a state of flux and there was really nothing much to say or nothing concrete to share until the issues ironed themselves out. Perhaps when the first real step is taken, more can be written about it.

There you have it.