Are we so gleeful of our doom that...?

Noted Sea Level Expert Accuses IPCC of Falsifying Data
Michael Asher (Blog) - December 11, 2007 4:48 AM

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Claims IPCC estimates are bunk; Observational data shows no sea level rise trend


Note: Dr. Nils-Axel Mörner has been studying sea level change for 35 years. He is the former head of Stockholm University's department of Paleodeophysics and Geodynamics. Dr. Mörner is and an expert reviewer for the IPCC, leader of the Maldives Sea Level Project, and past president of the INQUA Commission on Sea Level Changes.

A noted expert in sea level change has accused UN's IPCC panel of falsifying and destroying data (PDF) to support the panel's official conclusion of a rising sea level trend. The accusations include surreptitious substitution of datasets, selective use of data, presenting computer model simulations as physical data, and even the destruction of physical markers which fail to demonstrate sea level rise.

The expert, Dr. Nils-Axel Mörner, also raps the IPCC for their selection of 22 authors of their most recent report on sea level rise (SLR), none of which were sea level specialists. According to Mörner, the authors were chosen to "arrive at a predetermined conclusion" of global warming-induced disaster.

Sea level changes can be detected by a number of methods. Rotational timing is a very precise method, and is based on the fact that a change in the earth's radius will cause minute differences in it's rate of rotation. A rise in sea level increases the radius slightly, and can therefore be detected by precisely timing when the sun rises and sets. This method can detect changes in sea level as small as one millimeter. Data collected in this manner has shown the ocean to have risen and fallen slightly several times since the early 1900s, without any definitive trend.

Satellite altimetry is another method. Mörner says that, in 2003, The IPCC's altimetry dataset, which had previously displayed no clear trend, suddenly changed, with past readings modified to show a strong uplift. Though corrections to datasets are supposed to be clearly announced and identified, this was done secretly, and not labeled. When Mörner inquired about the discrepancy, he was told the readings had been adjusted by a "correction factor".

Where did this factor come from? The least precise method of measuring sea level is tide gauge records. These are problematic as the land under the gauge may itself be rising or falling. Hong Kong maintains six tide gauges, five of which show no trend. The sixth, located on land where compaction is causing the ground to sink, was chosen by the IPCC as the correction factor for global altimetry data.

Tide gauges kept in the sensitive areas of Pacific and Indian Ocean islands show a different story. In Vanuatu, Tegua, and the Tuvalu Islands, gauge records show no trend at all. In the Maldives, tide gauges kept from the 1950s show a small drop in the 1970s, and no change since.

More shocking is Mörner's claim of the destruction of evidence. A famous low-lying tree in the Maldives has long been a marker for sea-level change, and noted in several research papers. But when an Australian team visited the island on a data-gathering trip, they saw the tree and pulled it down, according to local eyewitnesses. Mörner's team later replanted the tree in the same spot.

Climatologist and IPCC Expert Reviewer Dr. Madhav Khandekar, contacted by DailyTech in regards to this story, also believes SLR is being exaggerated by the IPCC. Khandekar says SLR over the next 100 years will be "insignificant" and pointed to recent research demonstrating SLR had actually declined in the latter half of the 20th century.

Dr. Mörner also had harsh words for the Maldives government. When the Maldives Sea Level Project concluded there was no threat to from rising sea levels, a documentary was made to reassure residents. The government, however, banned airing of the film. According to Mörner, the rationale for the ban was financial. The Maldives stands to gain hundreds of millions of dollars in climate change aid from Western governments. "Because they thought that they would lose money." He said, "They accuse the West for putting out carbon dioxide, so they wanted the flooding scenario to go on."

Mörner says it's becoming increasingly hard to perform objective climate research. In the European Community, a prerequisite for research grants is that the focus must be on global warming. Papers which don't support global warming aren't funded. "That's what dictatorships did, autocracies." He added, "They demanded that scientists produce what they wanted."

http://www.dailytech.com/Noted+Sea+Level+Expert+Accuses+IPCC+of+Falsifying+Data/article9978.htm

Fortunately for me, I am neither a believer of global warming - hey I'm in an aircon room most of the time - or a supporter of the green lobby - though I eat my vegetables without complaining. But to resort to falsifying records to bring incite irrational fear of infernal armageddon is really lowly.

Go Green? Too late!

[In support of T. F. Stern's recent article.]

I believe people are barking up the wrong tree.

Why do we start bitching about going Green now?

We should have started such efforts doggedly once we realised that we will run out of oil in 2050 thereabouts.

We are pathetic! We don't even realise that success comes at a price - a price that is beyond our ken to repay.

What I propose is simple - in our final glory years, burn! Harvest and burn all the bloody oil there is on planet earth. Let Earth burn in the wonderful atmosphere of carbon dioxide and nitrogen oxides. Let the temperatures rise and the airconditioners go at full blast. Let the Arctic ice caps melt. Let the water levels rise. Let the plates rumble with unabashed glee and welcome the cleansing tsunamis with open arms.

Rejoice! For after that, when we have nothing left, the world will correct the imbalances by itself.

We, yes we, will form the seed of the new oil deposits for the new world. Our children, yes them, will survive the harshest ice ages. Our grandchildren will rediscover new trade routes, our great grandchildren will start colonising the backwaters and erode the traditions of the very people they view as different from them.

One of our descendent generations will go to war and some nation will reinvent the nuclear weapon to use on the perceived perpetrator of war.

We, yes we, will eventually be all used up and our children of millienia in the future will come full circle when the earth next corrects itself.

So, doggone it! I'm living life in abandon. No one can stop me. As I have always believed, the world will only get better after it hits rock bottom. We are still a long way off!

Damned oranges

Was at the wet market on Saturday to buy some oranges before going to the temple for ancestral prayers.

Bent forward slightly to pick those globes and I heard a tearing sound at my lower back.

I've done my chiropractic round but the pain is still lingering. I'm getting better but still I need rest.

Visited the doctor just now. Sigh!

For a teetotaller, I am good!

83%LUSH

Austin Dating

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San Diego Dating

Singapore hit by Ella

Salmonella, that is.

A well-known Singapore bakery chain, PrimaDeli, was hit by salmonella. More than 140 Singaporeans have fallen ill after eating the tainted cakes.

Apparently, the hazelnut cream and chocolate cream are laced with the bacteria and 4 (or was it 6) workers were carriers.

Let's hope those who have fallen sick get well soon and PrimaDeli can resume selling its cakes. I think the bakery's business is going to take a hit for some time. But they make great cakes and so I'll still patronise them. (Who would be cleaner than them after the stringent rounds of health checks?)

(But somehow, I think some quarters thought we are hit by Ebola.)

On Heathrow

Question: I heard Heathrow is thinking of adding a third runway.

Reply from top gun of a well-regarded airline: They think too long.

Well, it is already 10 years and counting.

My favourite bureaucrat

His replies to three questions.

"No authority."

"No capacity."

"No interest."

The Hokkien/Teochew equivalent would be:

Bo guan.

Bo eng.

Bo hew.

When is it my turn to reply in this manner?

Speaking Across Cultural Barriers

Mrs Who-who:

"For an airport like yours to be so successful, I notice you have added new infrastructure like terminals. It is important that it's not just the hardware but about the "software" (the people, their work ethics, workplace culture etc)"

An hour later, an airport top-brass said during his presentation to Mrs Who-who:

"So Mrs Who-who is right. Software is very important to the airport. We invest heavily in our computer systems to stay competitive..."

Me: Palm slapmark (own doing) on forehead...

Time and place

Since when is it appropriate to hanker after Michelin Star restaurants for lunch at your own expense in the middle of a work trip?

Or for that matter, since when is it appropriate to suggest that some office holder go to such a restaurant for meals when this person is accompanied by the likes of support staff in the order of "smaller than the eye of an amoeba" and whose pay also belong in the same order?

I never figured that out.

And fortunately, logic and good sense held out.

I decide?

Yeah, I was told to make a decision so that if something goes awry, someone would have me to blame.

Thank you very much.

I wrote directly to the someone and asked for instructions. Why should I guess what that someone wants? But now I do know what the someone wants.

Speechless

I have so much to say but I can only write so little.

There is a need to balance between the need to rant and the need to keep certain things private until a later time.

I'll write in "tongues" (if you would indulge me the conceptual loan) and I'll let you decipher what I am thinking, if you desire.

Pity how this personal space in public is privy to only so few secrets. Nothing is worse than wagging tongues.

Guess is a brand of clothing

It is not a game you play with your subordinates.

If I can guess what you want, then I probably should be a mind reader and not a paper pusher.

Leave of Absence

I'll be in Europe for a work trip from 25 - 30 Nov.

If at all possible, I'd rather give this trip up to someone else. It's to Frankfurt and Amsterdam.

Taiwan lawmaker Li Ao's farewell statement

李敖：「前途有限、後患無窮，可是可以保持這個聯絡，真的你們你們，我覺得你們好可憐，好，再見了，有事情再以後保持聯絡，如果還聯絡的話。」

Loosely translated, Li Ao (who is stepping down as an MP and no longer seeking re-election) said, "My future is limited but the repercussions are many. But we (referring to the reporters) can still keep our contact. Really, you guys, I think you are very pitiful. Ok, goodbye now. We can keep in touch in the future, supposing we are still in contact."

Brilliant guy.

Mental Tsunami: 38 Million Dead

If you think the tsunami of 26 Dec 2004 was bad, look at this:

During the Cultural Revolution in China, the three years beginning with 1959 were known as the Three Years of Natural Disasters（三年自然灾害）. Food was in desperate shortage, and production fell dramatically. By the end of the Three Years of Natural Disasters, which was the direct result of the failed Great Leap Forward campaign, an estimated 38 million people had died from widespread famine.

Millions died! All because the leaders were mentally misguided.

I ranted at TF's Blog

Here's what I wrote in response to what he had posted.

Well, thank you. "Tasteless Western Humor totally lacking in good manners and most definitely not Politically Correct"?

You need a good talking to when I visit. After that, self-criticism might be useful to lower the culpability of having used your mind to think!

This preposterous act calls for a complete mind-washing session a la the Cultural Revolution.

Take out your farming tools! We probably need to burn your books and brainwash you of the ideas that have turned you into an undesirable element of the society. The party hopes that with a life of farming (or digging iron ore for making steel), we can hope to salvage you, we can hope for you to reform.

Now where are my Madame Mao glasses?

Woo-hoo!

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Rubbish comes along to fill a vacuum.

vs

Don't let it hold you back for thinking what's sensible but don't count on it the whole time.

Size is a matter of perception

I'm referring to the size of a person's ego.

How do we know if our egos are larger than us when the people around us keep stoking their growth by pandering to our whims and fancies?

I want out.

Like the Chinese saying goes, a crow that flies up the top branch thinks it has become a phoenix. It is very important to keep a keen sense of one's true value.

Belated Halloween Stuff

- Courtesy of Common Sense Cowboy

For all you ghouls and goblins, here are some rules to keep you safe on Halloween:

1.When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it’s really dead. It isn’t.

2.Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3.Do not search the basement or attic, even if the power is out.

4.If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language that they should not know, shoot them immediately. Shooting them will save you much grief in the long run; however, it will take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This tip also applies to anyone who speaks with someone else’s voice.

5.When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go alone.

6.As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7.Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This rule also applies to any other house of the dead.

8.If you are searching for something that caused a loud noise and find out that it was just the cat, get the hell out. Expeditiously.

9.If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits. Again, get the hell out.

10.Do not take anything from the dead. No matter how much you like it, it’s bound to disagree with you sooner or later.

11.If you find a town that looks deserted, there’s probably a good reason for it. Don’t stop and look around.

12.Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you’re doing.

13.If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice–more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14.If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination with blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

15.Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Haddonfield, Transylvania, Nilbog (you’re in trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, and any small town in Maine, Maryland, and Massachusetts.

16.If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to use the telephone. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself in the head. You are going to die anyway and most likely be eaten.

17.Beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers, butane torches, soldering irons, and ice picks.

18.If you discover that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This rule also applies to previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion.

19. If there are supernatural elements going on around you, don’t have sex. Especially if you are a blond.

20. If you are a blond, dye your hair! You have a much better chance of survival if you are a brunette, or redhead. (I guess we don’t taste as good or something…)

21. Stay out of cornfields, woods and bodies of water. These are locations where no one will hear you if you scream, or if the do hear you, they will never find you in time.

22. Stay out of big old scary looking mansions, nothing good ever comes from your visit, no matter how considerate a houseguest you are.

23. Never back slowly down stairs, around corners, or through doorways. You have just been where you are coming from and you should know that the threat is not there.

24. If the phone goes dead just when you are about to call for help, don’t waist time jiggling the receiver cradle and shouting “Hello” into the receiver. Giving away your position while masking the sounds of the opponents approach is NOT a good tactic.

25. For Heaven’s sake, listen to us Moors residents when we tell you to “Keep to the roads, lads!”

26. Stay away from dusty old tomes with questionable fabric covers.

27. Never try to read aloud from books when they are written in some obscure dead language, even if you are a linguistics expert. There are reasons why certain languages are dead.

28. Never say, “It could be worse,” because it will get much worse.

29. Never turn your back on stuffed animals, dolls or clowns. They may seem innocent enough, but they are really demons laying in wait.

30. Do not try destroying same dolls, animals or clowns with fire, water, or exorcism, as this only pisses them off. Just resign yourself to the fact that your life is over.

31. Never invite a ghost or spirit to show itself. It may think that you want it to stay and will make itself at home…

32. Never go camping in the woods on Halloween.

33. Ignore the others who say it will be fun and never go to one of those creepy looking traveling funhouses on Halloween, either. Boo!

34. If the phone rings, don’t bother answering it. Go curl up in a corner and resign yourself to the end. It’s the killer and he is already in the house, or is outside watching you.

35. If you forget/drop/lose something while a monster is on the loose, it probably isn’t the wisest idea to go looking for it later. This principle especially applies to cats.

36. Beware of people in masks. It might not actually be a mask…

37. Never investigate old broken down mansions, especially in Texas. In fact, it’s best to stay out of Texas, New Orleans or any sort of swamp like area all-together.

38. Don’t ever watch unfamiliar and bizarre videotapes.

39. Never let the little bitch out of the well.

40. Never trust computers with little girl avatars

41. Never stroll from room to room, searching for your boyfriend/girlfriend whilst simultaneously calling their name.

Example:

“Tommy? Are your in there? Tommy? Is that you?”

And…if this is happening immediately after sex, resign yourself to your fate immediately and dispatch yourself before the monster gets the chance.

42. Never be the only person at a supernatural outing (whether intentional or unintentional) wearing a red shirt.

43. Never have sex with the overtly horny camp counselor. She will inevitably die first, but you can count on being next in line

44. Donald Pleasance shows up, just recognize you’re in a whole lot of great big trouble.

45. Never help a clown out of a drain hole - all clowns are evil!

46. Don’t make fun of or play with dead things.

47. If you see a town that looks deserted except for children, do not try to ‘help’ them - they will eat you.

48. If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.

49. Never have sex in the bunk beds of recently renovated summer camps.

50. Whenever you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.

51. Do not allow crewmates back aboard the craft if and after you have found a hideous parasite attached to his/her body.

52. Be forewarned that a gun is only good for ALMOST killing the monster, never for COMPLETELY killing it. Be sure to have an extra weapon, preferably one with “flair” (a knife, a harpoon, a heavy box, razor confetti, pop tarts…)

53. Don’t open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or the voice of a dear relative whom you THOUGHT was dead.

54. Never bathe, especially when in the house alone.

55. If you are a female, never expose yourself. Easy women die fast.

56. Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.

Leave of Absence

I'll be in China for a work trip from 11 - 14 Nov.

I'll be missing you guys.

Trauma Injury

I had an excruciating tooth ache yesterday. I thought all my top front teeth were in trouble yesterday for they gave me such pain. It is as though I just had my braces tightened too hard a day ago. The pain was still there this morning, despite me coating the tooth with some toothpaste last night. (This is a sure way of knowing if it is tooth sensitivity. Coating sensitive teeth with toothpaste can help reduce the sensitivity.)

For two days, I looked myself and my teeth in the mirror to check for any sign of tooth problems that could point out why I am in such misery. Could there be a crack or fracture? There are no lines or breaks or even blood. Could it be gum problems? My gums are healthy. Could it be cavities? There is no sensitivities to cold bursts of air. Could it be root death? Hm...

Finally, I called my trusty dentist today; yesterday being Deepavali, he was closed. There are two Doctor Tans in my life whom I can't do without - my family doctor Dr Tan and my dentist Dr Tan. Thank goodness for the alignments of the stars today. I managed to get slotted in at 10.30 am this morning to see him.

He went through a very very thorough round of checks today. Electrical current test, ice test, light test and even an x-ray. Nothing. The tooth was firmly in place and there are no outward or internal injuries.

He then did scaling and polishing. Man! No blood. Good sign. In fact, it means the gums are not cluttered with tartar, which when removed tended to cause some gum bleeding. The second visit in a row I came off clean. He even said that my oral hygiene was ok, no problem. The nightly flossing pays off!

The tooth problem is still unsettled. And as we eliminated possibilities, I told him that when I told him earlier about my biting into fried chicken, I did not tell him that the chicken slipped and I bit right into the thigh bone. Then the pieces started to fall into place.

His tentative diagnosis is trauma to front tooth. It should heal in a week or so by itself. No worries about hot/cold sweet/sour food. The ligaments holding the tooth will heal and get better.

If not, I'll go back to him.

I think I'd rather get punched in my gut then to suffer another tooth injury.

The Con Job

Still hadn't found time to update that the air con blowers (the units that spew out the cold air in the rooms) were fixed up last Saturday.

The guys came and we immediately gave them CLEAR instructions that if they needed help with keeping the place clean, we could assist. We offered to hold vacuum cleaners up so that whatever as much concrete dust they drilled out of the wall as possible could be sucked up by the vacuum cleaner to reduce the fall out. We offered wet/damp cloths if they prefer to drill and catch these bits from underneath. Another contractor we use actually pasted an open plastic bag under the hole he is drilling to collect dust.

The two guys declined, insisting that there would not be much dust.

Lo and behold, we ended up having to do a full vacuuming of the whole house, two rounds of mopping with extensive water changing, 4 loads of laundry and a whole lot of other cleaning.

JUST BECAUSE THOSE SON OF A B*TCH MOTHERF*CKERS REFUSED TO FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS.

They were in such a rush they left gaping holes in our walls, they affected our paint works and did not ask for paint to touch up.

We have lodged a complaint and if remediation is not coming soon, we will go on to the consumers' association.

A letter of complaint to a taxi company

This is a feedback regarding on 3 Nov at about 12.35pm.

My friend was driving along (road) when we saw the above cab travelling along the right lane near the SPC fuel station, in the direction towards (road).

As we needed to make a right turn further ahead, my friend changed lane and went behind the cab in the right lane. Once he did that, the cab slowed down considerably.

The cab driver slowed so much that my friend tooted his horn at him. Only then did he stop at a road opening, switch on his right signal light (it was off all along), move the cab forward by a bit and suddenly stopped. This is despite the other side of the road being entirely clear.

Your driver must have hoped that my friend would follow the cab very closely, fail to stop in time and then hit into his rear.

Seeing that my friend moved into the left lane to drive on, the cab driver carried on driving.

I tried calling your (hot) line to lodge a complaint right after the incident but after being told your customer service officers are busy for 4 min 22 sec, the call was abruptly cut off.

We are very disappointed with the way (company name) hires drivers and with your hotline service. Nonetheless, I'll leave you to decide the best way to remind your drivers on good driving habits and road courtesy.

After all, in this case, cabs are equipped with signal lights, the main function of which are to signal INTENTION in ADVANCE.

A driving theory test for your drivers might really help improve their habits, for when you punish them, they cannot feign ignorance on what is expected of them for driving behaviour.

Please do not cause the cab driver to lose his job for this is not my intention when I write this feedback.

I just hope that if your cabs can't make our roads safer, at least they don't make them unnecessarily more dangerous.

Yours sincerely,

Drugs

Martina Hinggis is retiring from tennis after she tested positive for cocaine at the Wimbeldon this year.

I still find it hard to believe. Hinggis is not one of the players I like or support - give me Monica "Grunter" Seles any time. Still, to see her in the throes of misery because of this is still painful.

I have always found it hard to believe that tennis players would abuse cocaine as this is definitely not a drug you would use to enhance your endurance, whatever the post-use euphoria that you could get. How does one play when one is flighty and flummoxed? That's why I find it hard to fathom that the Swiss Miss would do something that stupid.

Anyway, hopefully some light would come out of this.

Another drug that I find stupid to abuse is testosterone. If you (guys, of course) inject yourself with synthetic testosterone, you are basically turning yourself into an eunuch except that you'll keep your balls.

The body will recognise the artificial hormone in the body and think that enough of it is there. And what the body does to maintain equilibrium is to shut the factory - basically your nuts/gonads/balls/testicles whatever - down. And over a prolonged period of time, the factory forgets to resume operations even when the hormones are depleted.

Hm... I'd rather keep my ability to enjoy myself than to have strapping muscles or a big one.

Anyhow, I'd meant to dedicate this post to St. Vicodine Fraser Stern. Remember his constant reminder for me to take two vicodin and then call him, get rest, whatever? I just wanted to declare here that I'm off painkillers since last night and I have been feeling fine.

There is no recurring or nagging or imminent pain. I'm happy that I've stayed clean for the past two days and it looks positive that my vicodin (or whatever painkillers I'm on) popping days can stay canned.

But of course, I may speak too soon for part two of the move - my housemate's - is next Saturday.

I think I found it

Last night, I saw ants, big ones, crawling out of a crack at the sink area.

The entire kitchen area had been given a good once-over and there is hardly any traces of food left, I bet. The ants were lethargic and I noticed a trail of them - sporadic ants in an Indian file about a feet and a half apart between them - but the trail was obvious. It must be the well-trodden path from nest to food.

I sprayed kitchen cleaning agent into the crack where I suspected the nest to be. Once the ammonia enriched stuff hit the hole, more ants, big ones, crawled out. They were rather dazed, from human perspective.

I quickly boiled a cup of water in the microwave - and I was also boiling a kettle of water - and then poured the boiling water over the hole, letting the boiling water seep into the hole. I then repeated with another cup of boiling water.

Then I gave that place a good clean with the kitchen cleaning agent. Yet, I still saw ants making their way back to the nest. I think it must be the nest. So I took the entire kettle of boiling water and slowly and methodically flushed the entire area once over, flushing away the cleaning agent and anything that is still stuck in between the cracks.

After the hot water evaporated, the entire sink area is bone dry. Ok, the last of the grease and grime are gone; if you wish, oil free. Still there is the ant trail on the wall. I had repeatedly squashed many ants on that trail during the time I flushed the sink area with hot water. Still, the ants came.

They must have come from the food area. I have not found the other end of the rainbow, I mean, ant trail and so I do not know where it ends. But once the nest is bust, I think we are close to complete annihilation.

I must think of a more permanent solution to get rid of these ants. I searched around for my ant bait. It was a long hard search but I did finally find four pellets of it. I cut one out and cut the pellet open. I feel so happy - funny I would not even feel the tiniest bit guilty for the massacre that I am about to commit - and carefully spread two parallel lines of bait on the tiles and left the pellet with the remainder in between them.

This morning, the ants were either asleep or asleep. I didn't see any of them crawling around.

I'll just wait and see. And I'll go get some ant chalk - wonderful stuff - to draw all around the house so that it is ant-proofed.

Meanwhile, I'll see if we can "silicon grout" the area. Thanks for the suggestion, Bob.

It's Midweek

Day 2 of work.

I had to pry my eyes open. Soon, I need something stronger to have them open.

I was so solidly stuck in bed I had problems reaching to my alarm clock under the bed. My arms were numb and as I got up I felt the pins and needles as blood rushed back in. I must have slept in an awkward position again. And not to say I must have been way too tired to even realise that.

The laundry is set down to wash this morning. I'll have them spun dry later this evening so that I can hang them up to dry. Man, I never dreaded doing laundry that much until now. But at least yesterday was no laundry day, which is a small victory for me. This means life is slowly creeping back to its normality. (Oh, please, "normalcy" is not really in the correct form - it is bad English to use it.)

The dust from the floor seems to be thinning out and I am beginning to feel the tile surfaces. The cleaning must be helping.

Finally took out the rubbish this morning. I suppose the best way of remembering to do it is to hang it on the main gate and on the way out, the bags of rubbish go out.

Still monitoring for ant trails. We have battled the ants for a long time and had limited success. I am so really determined to win this battle, so I'm going to do another thorough cleaning of the suspicious places soon.

I have nearly fallen asleep at my desk at work today. That's a bad sign. But on a brighter note, things are moving along. I hope to kill off all the outstanding stuff soon, especially when the deadlines loom. If I had my way, things would have been done a long time ago!

Two more days. Hanging in there...

It's Sunny But It's Raining

This is exactly how I am feeling right now. A mixed kind of feeling.

The painkillers are irritating the shit out of me already. Take it literally - I'm having some mild wind and the runs. Probably also because I had been too hungry yesterday.

The fridge is not stocked with the right stuff. My freezer is empty. I think I need to raid Cold Storage soon for some stuff. Nothing is more comforting than seeing some frozen meat/ham/sausages in the freezer.

We do not have a rubbish chute in the house. We now need to be more alert to take out the trash. I forgot twice already and soon the house will be a dump.

I need to clean the corridor of the wine stains. The movers broke a bottle of white wine during the move on Saturday and I can still see the stains. The wine is very dry - it wasn't even sticky. Amazing!

It's high time to reorganise the boxes in the work room so that I can move the laptops over and set up a proper work area. It is so inconducive for the bedroom to double as a work room.

Given our habits of not putting on more than a pair of shorts in the house, housemate is keeping the windows all shut. Modesty issue for him. Sigh.

I bet the electricity bill is shooting through the roof this month, given that I have the fans turned on at full blast all the while. I'd fry in my own fats otherwise.

The neatest room in the house is the storeroom. A million thanks to the same foursome who really put me to shame in house organisation.

It's been a mad mad mad mad time for the past few days. And I believe things should get better until my housemate officially moves in on 10 Nov. I'll need to do more sanity checks.

Work

The alarm went off at 5.40 am this morning. I would never have had to get up earlier than 7 am when I was at Telok Blangah Drive.

Seriously, I am so tired now I could fall into a thousand year sleeping spell and never wake up until...

I think I'd need to get out of the house by 6.30 am if I ever dream of being on time. I'll try that tomorrow, since my housemate drove me to work today and I arrived just after 7 am.

I need to get used to this...

Craziness Revisited

I had to pry my eyes open at 9 am yesterday as I had something on at 10 am. Had meant to take the bus to get there but in the end, gave in to the sloth in me and took a cab instead. Fortunately, it cost $4. Thank goodness! The bus journey would probably cost a third as much but hey, I'm so tired I would break up into a million pieces any time.

Came back at noon and started doing more washing and unpacking before my next appointment at 5 pm. And I had meant to take the train but in the end, gave in to the sloth in me and took a cab instead. Unfortunately, it cost $10.60. Bad move! The bus-train journey would probably cost an eighth as much but still, I'm so tired I would break up into a million and one pieces any time. I waited more than an hour for that appointment but it was still good.

Dinner was a pack and eat at home affair since someone wanted to buy the metal bed frame.

Really, this move was even more unbelievable because of the things that happened - there was a "sale" on our end.

On the day of the move, some lady came and bought the 6 feet wardrobe off me. I had had mixed feelings about taking that huge wardrobe along with me to the new place. One, space was tight. Two, it didn't really fit in - it was more the elaborate 60's type of design which would look really good if you liked wardrobes with elaborate roofs and designs and carvings. I sold it for $250, having bought it at $800. Painful, but somehow, if the old doesn't go, the new wouldn't even have a chance.

On the same day, we managed to dispose off a bed frame for $60. This was left behind by the old houseowner at our request. We had immediately regretted making that request. We ended up with two bed frames which one was supposed to be a free gift with the wardrobe. In the end, this one went.

The black metal one which I had bought for $99 went for $50. Not too bad. And then we sold off a new, completely unopened Ikea table and four legs for $40 (U.P. $90). It was not a spur of the moment sale. I had used one of the tables before but it was not my type - not heavy duty enough for heavyweight users like me. So I was glad it found a good home.

The curtains are up in the new place and I have not managed to get used to the heat coming out of those 32W and 40W lights. Man, they really make me sweat.

The kitchen is almost functional except for gas supply, which I had resisted even now, and for a good reason. Once there is gas, the temptation to cook becomes stronger. Thank you Gerald, Justin, Wei Qiang and Kian Eng for the kitchen session.

The rooms are not functional. Not a single room is functional, though I have been sleeping amongst the mess. The toilets are great. The best rooms in the house are the rest rooms. Those AMS loos and sinks are great!

I have broadband access and TV too - thank you Gerald and Justin for twiddling and getting most of it right. It helped a lot nonetheless.

My electric toothbrush charger is still MIA despite me opening up every single box to check. I really wonder where it might be. I hope to find it soon, before I go mad.

We need more shelves - the teak wood book shelf at the Helping Hands for repair now needs to come back fast. My sliding door wardrobe is bursting at its seams already. I need more storage. I also need to throw away more stuff.

Oh yes, our former landlady who is now our dear friend has returned our deposit after finding her house in a good condition. In fact, over 5 quarters, we replaced her water heater, replaced faulty switches, repaired faulty sockets, and replaced doorknobs and locks so that the entire place is safe. We didn't mind it that much as she was gracious enough to let us have the place at a rental price lower than what she wanted - because that was all we could afford. One good turn deserves another!

I am babbling now. Time to get off.

Updates

Here's a quick update before I give in to the Z monster.

The movers came yesterday and they moved most of the stuff over in two trips.

icloud, OKE, Justin and Wei Qiang were such angels - they helped with the unpacking in the kitchen. I am very very grateful for their help.

We went back to the old place to clean up till close to 11 pm before coming back to the new place.

I carried on with the cleaning and went to bed at almost 2 am today.

Woke up and cleaned and unpacked even more today.

I'm entirely bushed now and I'll be hitting the sack once I log out.

Moving is such a pain.

The works

The entire house is littered with boxes now.

The move is coming soon.

The backache meds I've been taking prophylactically is helping. My back is sore but I'm not hurting.

I can't wait to move so that I can start living again!

Directions

If you can meet up at the bus-stop outside Vivocity at around 10.45 am and then call me, we will drive over and pick you all up.

If you prefer to do the lone ranger, here are the directions.

From the nearest MRT station

NE Line - Harbourfront Station
Bus 131 or 145 on the Vivocity/Harbourfront side.
Alight at the first bus-stop after bus turns right to Henderson Road.
Turn left after alighting.
My flat is the point block that faces the Chinese Guanyin Temple.

EW Line - Redhill Station (most convenient)
Bus 145 on the side of the MRT station.
The bus will turn right and then will go past, in order, DSTA/CMPB on your right and then SAFRA Mount Faber on your left.
From SAFRA, alight at the 2nd bus-stop.
Your bus-stop is opposite the bus-stop above (NE line).
Turn right after alighting. Cross the road at the pedestrian crossing.
My flat is the point block that faces the Chinese Guanyin Temple.

If you miss this, the bus would turn left and you will alight at the 3rd bus-stop after the Shell Station along Telok Blangah Road. By then, you would have passed my block and you'd know how to reverse navigate.

EW Line - Tanjong Pagar (nearest station)
Take bus 131 at the bus-stop opposite the Temasek Towers (the round building) and near a karaoke joint. It's an underground maze to navigate at the station, so.
This bus will go to Harbourfront and follow the instructions from there.

New Chemical Element Discovered

by William DeBuvitz

This bit of humor was written in April 1988 and appeared in the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

Source: http://www.lhup.edu/~DSIMANEK/administ.htm

[Blogger's Note: It's almost 20 years since the discovery of administratium and it is amazing the abundance of this element. If the world ran on administratium rather than on oil, we would live on forever and ever...]

I'm just so tired

I feel as though I'm crumbling to pieces like a overbaked cookie...

Too much to do in too little time, too little sleep.

Too much emotions and these outbursts or restraining these outburts take too much energy. They consume you.

I want to just go to bed and stay asleep.

Waking up is like facing a firing squad, which I dread.

A lull period

I'll be on and off here for at least the coming fortnight.

I've been visiting the place, which is currently under renovation, about 4 to 5 times a week with the owner. We are both getting a little aback by the speed of the renovation. The lack of speed, that is. We are also partly to blame, having bought items in drips and draps and bringing them in for the contractors to put up. It's hard work for them but it is equally hard for us as we scramble to accumulate what we need in the little daylight hours left after we knock off from work.

While the contractors are confident that everything would be done by our stipulated deadlines, I'm more circumspect. I keep a running list of the list of things to-do and the completion. We are not even half in green yet although whatever has been accomplished are very much to our liking.

I'll be moving to my new place on 27 Oct and I've arranged for packing to be done on 20 Oct. Meanwhile, I've designated 22 and 29 Oct as "recovery" days and 19 and 26 Oct as preparation days. I've become a relocation cynic - and I'm most functional when I'm desperately out of time. I'm approaching that.

I hope this will be one move that will last quite some time.

Work-wise, everything is not moving as they should. It is as though the floodgates are still held shut by a straw, which I'm trying to break, before the pressure builds up beyond the point of salvation.

I fear the deluge when the gates finally fly open and I'm caught flat-footed. I've sent a great many chasers but I can only do that much.

I'm intending to see the doctor for this minor throat irritation - I hope it is not what my deepest fears conjure. But then, like all things in life, when god closes a door, he usually slams it in your face. Just don't be blinded by the door knob or you can't find the window he opens for you after that.

Oh well, what will be, will be.

And then I found out...

that the Nobel Peace prize (or was it all Nobel Prizes) could only be given to people who are still alive (that's why Ghandi didn't get his Peace Prize - the committee didn't give any award for that year in the end) and that they could only give out awards to people who used "peaceful" means.

Sigh.

Who blinded the Nobel Prize Selectors?

How could Al Gore be a joint winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his works on Global Warming when he is a major contributor to it?

I'd also nominate a posthumous Nobel Peace Prize for Hitler helping with population control!

Is it going to be a right decision?

Often, when we decide on something that would make us very happy for the moment of the decision, we think we have made the correct decision.

However, there are some decisions that are made in the POINT of time and then, what happens later you have absolutely no idea or control. In such a case, how do we know if we have made a correct decision?

Fleeting Memories

去年今日此门中,人面桃花相应红。
人面不知何处去，桃花依旧笑春风。

In this house last year, the (people's) faces and the peach blossoms were rosy
The faces are now all gone although the peach blossoms are in full bloom in the spring breeze.

The impermanence of life is very well captured in this four-line poem. It always reminds me that things change very fast. In fact, people come and go so quickly that they hardly make a dent in their environment.

Hanging on is futile. Unless one finds the mythical Shangri La.

Humans are born to walk in circles

Wonder if there are times in your lives when you felt as if you have gone on a huge detour of the world only to end up at the same place?

A note to myself

A translation of what I had written below. I can only hope I have captured the essence and nuances aptly.

To not slave over a flower in full bloom
To take big strides into the unknown fields

To not pace up and down on a crowded well trodden path
To go out and explore the big world out there

Leaving, letting go, can also bring happiness

A note to myself

不空守着一朵繁盛的花
放大脚步涉掠青踪绿野

不愿徘徊在匆促拥挤的康庄大道
去追求一片放眼无际的天涯

放下离开也会有快乐

Double Whammy

Guess what? While battling the aching back and painful inner thighs, I came to my apartment lobby to realise that the only lift serving the 25 storey block of flats was OUT OF ORDER!

@#$*!

One other lift was being upgraded to serve residents on level 25 - the lifts used to call on each floor up to level 24.

So I had to climb 19 storeys up.

What luck!

Pain...

My back is hurting. The sides are hurting.

The pain shoots down the inner thighs.

I'm so miserable.

The Wisteria Lane Slut Didn't Die...

Oh my god, my god, my god.

I was rolling with laughter last night when I watched the season 4 premier of Desperate Housewives.

Bloody Edie Brit didn't die! How can that be? She must die!

And how can Carlos be so dumb? Does he have the IQ of a real moron?

I laughed out really really loud when Lynette puked into another bitch's handbag at her son's play. She was feeling really sick as she was on chemo.

Bree was good as usual but she has competition!

And Mike's plumbing works was great - Susan's pregnant.

I also can't wait for Gabrielle to start her antics.

But most of all, I just want the neighbourhood slut dead.

Oh, I heard they will be introducing a gay couple in this season! It should be interesting. Two new housewives?

But then I forget...

I don't know about you guys but every time I tell myself that I have something that I must blog about, I log in and can never remember what I had wanted to blog.

A part of this can be attributed to sleep deprivation.

Another part of this is probably the desire to blog about the issue is not as intense as the want to merely bitch about it. Therefore, one does not remember to bitch about the lesser things.

The last part I believe is ageing.

I think I am falling...

in love? Maybe not.

sick? Looks that way.

asleep? Bingo.

I'm so tired now but I've got a pile of papers to look through.

Sigh.

Drowning

It's raining work.

And I'm flooded with requests.

I'm drowning.

Am I losing my marbles?

I thought I read Fraser's entry on "Hillary has lost her marbles" quite some time back.

Was it really only on 29 September that the post was written?

I doubt it. I honestly doubt it.

Am I losing my marbles?

*Checks!* Thank god the balls are still there.

I gained it by eating...

Someone gave me some dates which Muslims ate before breaking fast.

They were ripe and crushed. And covered with some caramelly stuff. The dates were not too sweet and they were simply delectable and gorgeous.

I had so much joy eating it.

Then I was told this was from a royal farm in the middle east where, apparently, the royals ate such dates when they broke fast.

OMG!

I think I have earned the "Royal" part of my moniker His Royal Highnes The Supreme Bitch. At last!

What happened?

Al asked,

"Tef! The place looks different, somehow! What happened?"

Er... is it because it had been too long since you've last visited? The reason for the looks was because I messed up my old template and lost it.

The content of the posts have gone all haywire, like my mind. Ok, not exactly my mind but I've allowed myself to have brain diarrhoea here. I'm offloading the mixed-up misfiring neurons on my blog so that I don't go (even more) neurotic.

So there, that's what happened.

The truth is in the details

I think Ron got it very very right here. I quote wholesale from his blog:

"I am now about to annihilate another old Bull---t cliche. The Devil is not in the details.

"The Devil hates details and he likes the ambiguity of generalities. It gives Satan plenty of room to maneuver and pull his lying @$$ s--t.

"No......the TRUTH is in the details. This is where things add up or don't. The place where the lies stand out like broken records.

"That is why I spend so much time examining everything I can down to the molecular level even trying to understand what the truth really is.

"That is why laws should be very simple straight forward and easy to understand like as in thou shall not. The more wordy a law gets the easier it is for the Devil to manipulate the situation.

"The rest should be left up to the people to decide what is the truth and to accept or reject what people say and do or to patronize or not patronize."

The problem with a holiday is...

it ends.

How I wish there is a holiday that doesn't end.

The paradise in my mind...

I thought I would have no problems at all espousing what the paradise would be.

Before I started writing this, I had fragments of this paradise: tonnes of self-renewing money, idyllic days by the beach, me liposuctioned and body sculpted, tanned, blemish-free skin, blond coloured hair, deck chair under a parasol by the sea with the waves lapping near my feet, behind me - a thousand suite eco-hotel offering incredible spa treatments nestled among the trees and the cliffs and fronting the sea, a private landing strip for special charters, nature and astrological observatories - my property, butlers and servants in full serviced suites...

But then my paradise might not be another person's paradise. For why would the poor butler need to suffer me or work for me? Perhaps in his paradise, I'm the useless fat oaf working for and being abused by him. And what sin to own a hotel of that magnitude and imagine that I am protecting nature when I am just a bloody sucker who extracts every last remaining iota of life out of the lands through my action. Yeah. Think about it, where would the mud from the mud spa go? Where would the aromatherapy oils flow to? How will the fishes in the sea live? Would my marigolds give out ylang ylang scent eventually? Why are my dogs so tired? Perhaps it too much lavender...

So paradise is a relative concept. And I must redefine paradise without needing to encroach on others. After all, Gandhi said, "There is enough for everyone's need but not enough for everyone's greed." I must not be greedy. So perhaps I should refine my description of my paradise.

Perhaps a self-generating, self-renewing income without me having to do any work would be a great start. I know money is the root of all evil. And many of you are hoping to go to heaven right? Ok, I can go to hell. I think I'm already there. You can make me a permanent fixture there. Give me all your money. Without money to hinder you, you can be heaven bound! No? Ok, too bad. Hope to see you soon, neighbour!

A constant income stream without work would give me lots of time to do what I really like. For instance, I'll buy land and build a thosand suite eco-hotel in some pristine jungle in the Amazon where there is a small sliver of beach by the side and I'll build a private landing strip, offer spa services and employ butlers to provide full services. And I'll go for my liposuction and body sculpting and colour my hair blond... Why does this look so familiar?

Maybe I could pay the butlers more than the usual market rate. Perhaps they wouldn't mind working for me. Perhaps I'll fly my guests in on specially ordered Airbus 380 and Boeing 787 aircraft since they promise to harm the environment more. Perhaps I'll plant more trees in Africa for the damage I'm causing here. I'll build an independent cess pool to drain off the unsavoury after products of the spa treatment so I do not harm the surroundings. I'll just go to the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and pour everything down the universal rubbish dump.

Looks like this plan is more viable now, isn't it? By paying people more, I keep them happy and when they are happy, there are less likely to kill me although I am just a leech of the world. I'll be a proud owner of A380 and B787 aircraft. I have my own airports. And while doing all these, I have remained true to my pledge to stay green.

I know, I know. I am just cheating myself. There is no surprise. But I am just enjoying this paradise in my mind, a paradise where people constantly kid themselves through self-glorification, self-gratification and self-justification. Don't tell me you are even going to deprive me of some plain clean fun?

I broke a g-string while fingering a minor

Well, the g-string was already quite old and the action was on the hard side. The fingering speed also had to be fast.

Ok, to be honest, I've procrastinated in getting a new g-string since the old one held up pretty nicely. It withstood the rigours when I fingered other minors. Perhaps it is the nature of this minor, when it had to be fingered with enough oomph and speed to keep going.

I pressed it hard of course and kept it from sliding out. It was an awkward position to be in, especially perched on top of a chair with one foot to the ground.

It was very embarrassing as I had nearly come to the climax when the g-string broke and I had to stop and apologise. It was not a pretty sight or sound but fortunately, there was little protest. Accidents like these occur.

Having the g-string break on my guitar when I was fingering the minor chord at the climax of the musical piece was probably the worst moment of my performing career.

What were you thinking?

Media Bloopers

Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee (Toronto Star headline)

Publicize your business absolutely free! Send $6. (Entrepreneur Magazine ad)

Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times)

Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)

Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely! (The Houston Chronicle)

Governor's Penis Busy [should be "Pen Is"] (The New Haven, Connecticut Register)

Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son

Clinton Places Dickey In Gore's Hands (Bangor Maine News)

Starr Aghast At First Lady Sex Position (The Washington Times)

Clinton Stiff On Withdrawal (The Bosnia Bugle)

Long Island Stiffens For Lili's Blow (Newsday)

Organ Festival Ends In Smashing Climax (San Antonio Times)

Rose Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-free (Chicago Daily News)

Textron Inc. Makes Offer To Screw Company Stockholders (The Miami Herald)

Source: http://humormatters.com/newspaper.htm

Despot 101 - Media Management

A smirking Ahmadinejad suckers the U.S. media

By Jon Friedman, MarketWatch
Last Update: 12:01 AM ET Sep 26, 2007

NEW YORK (MarketWatch) -- Politicians, pundits, journalists, diplomats, talk-show bookers, historians and social scientists all paid rapt attention to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to the U.S. this week. I suspect some shrewd crisis-management experts were watching the proceedings, too.

The despot gave an enlightening lesson in how to manage the U.S. media: Be vague. Obfuscate. Smile mindlessly -- a lot. Be friendly. Nod wisely instead of speaking foolishly. Say absolutely nothing threatening or menacing. Turn their image of you on its head. And, for God's sake, man, say nothing of substance.

Maybe, instead, the lesson was how to sucker the U.S. media. The man played us for suckers -- just like any PR-hungry celebrity who spins reporters and editors. The bottom line was that he knew more about how the American media works than they knew about him.

Revealing nothing

Whether he was being interviewed or delivering a controversial speech at Columbia University, the Iranian leader revealed nothing about his widely rumored plans to build and eventually launch nuclear weapons, his alleged blueprint for peace in the Middle East or his hatred for America and Western democracy.

Oh, all was not lost, though. The tyrant sort of/kind of/in a way allowed that the Holocaust might have taken place, after all. But in one of his few concrete statements of the week, he asserted that, of course, the world should do more research before confirming that the Holocaust indeed happened.

Mostly, he smirked cryptically.

Don't Break The Magic!

How often do you make plans for an anticipated "lull" period only to be entirely thrown off-guard?

That happened to me. I was thinking of catching up with some backlog but suddenly, I was inundated with work that are way beyond my payscale.

And yet, people were going, "It's so quiet today. The bosses are not around..."

Hey! It is not quiet for me. Come to my theatre of war of a cubicle!

I think I've just managed to take a deep breath now.

And don't you go break the magic!

The curse of Good Food

A moment on your lips, a lifetime on your hips!

Indulge!

The Invisible Guiding Hand

Most bloggers leave gems in their entries. However, they did not know they had left those precious gems there until when they return to them again one fine day and realise what treasure they have buried in this virtual garden.

I had posted a little entry a couple of days ago "I didn't mean the police" and this led T. F. Stern to recall an entry he had written in Dec 05 called Call If You Need Help. He did not know where the story came from but it sure is a good story!

Thank you, T. F.

Do you think I hate you enough...?

Couldn't help but did some reflection after reading Quinsy's rant about her Heat & Mass Transfer teacher who probably had enough "somethings" against her and decided to fail her when she took a second module he taught.

Hm...

I couldn't help but remember the kids that I really really hated when I was still teaching. I still remember them (and their parents) but did I actually go out to fail them?

To be honest. No. Not a single chance, not a single one, not even a single thought devoted to that.

At least for me.

I get no benefits, no joy, no rewards, no satisfaction whatsoever from flunking students. I want them to move on and torture someone else! Why would I need to do something that evil, just in case I am condemned to teaching the class that kiddo is stuck in the year after? OMG!

But to be fair, I have a confession to make.

My tests always require sound fundamentals and if anyone tries to cheat, they would invariably fall flat. So students self-destruct because they would not bother to get their basics right.

Some learn, others don't.

Still, I have enough "blood" on my hands... :)

Bye bye Jose Mourinho!

Well, well, well. Enough said.

I wait with bated breath to see Chelsea self-destruct next.

Let it be soon!

I didn't mean the POLICE!

You have to see this!

Another Numbers Quiz

1. What is the two second rule?

A. If you place your hand under an automatic hand dryer, the time taken for warm air to be blown at your hand is about two seconds.
B. If you approach a junction with traffic lights, the minimum time that the amber light must show before it turns red is about two seconds.
C. If you are on a dry, clear road and you reach the same fixed point before you have counted to two seconds, then you are too close and need to drop further back
D. If you are on a landing aircraft, the time between the rear wheels and the front wheels touching the tarmac is about two seconds.

2. What is the three second rule?

A. In soccer, the three second rules requires a player who has dribbed the ball into the opponent's penalty box to take a shot in no more than three seconds.
B. In tennis, the serving player must hit the ball within three seconds of tossing it up in the air.
C. In basketball, the three-second rule prohibits offensive players from remaining in their opponents' restricted area for longer than three seconds.
D. In the planes, the time lapse between the dropping of the oxygen masks and the delivery of oxygen is at least three seconds.

3. What is the four second rule?

A. In snooker, the time between adopting cue position and hitting the cue ball must be within four seconds.
B. In biology, most plants deliver sap to heal the wound caused by the removal of a healthy leaf in about four seconds.
C. In running, most runners' paces per every 400 meters will increase by about four seconds as they move up from one "classic" race distance to the next (e.g. from 800 m to 1500m).
D. In Olympic 10 m freestyle platform diving, the time between the diver leaping off the platform and entering the water is about four seconds.

4. What is the five second rule?

A. If the guy withdraws before he can count to five, the woman will not get pregnant.
B. If you approach a junction with traffic lights, the minimum time that elapses for the transition of the green to the red lights is about five seconds.
C. If you pick up a dropped piece of food, it is all right to eat it if it is on the floor for five seconds or less.
D. If you subject the AIDS virus to pure oxygen and you count to five, the AIDS virus will be dead.

5. What is the six second rule?

A. In basketball, the umpire gets to throw the ball back in play if the same team in possession of the ball is unable to make a scoring attempt within six seconds.
B. In waterpolo, the umpire gets to throw the ball back in play if the same team in possession of the ball is unable to make a scoring attempt within six seconds.
C. In soccer, goalkeepers must release the ball within six seconds to avoid a violation.
D. In soccer, players making a free throw must relase the ball within six seconds or the other team gains possession.

6. What is the ten second rule?

A. On a cruise liner, the time between the final whistle and the move off must be within ten seconds.
B. On an aircraft, the time between the front wheel and the rear wheels lifting off the tarmac is about ten seconds.
C. In basketball, the team, having gained control of the ball in its own backcourt, must bring it across the centre line within ten seconds to avoid a violation.
D. In basketball, each time a time-out is called, the total duration of play is extended by ten seconds.

It didn't work!

I had a scoop each of chocolate and strawberry ice-cream.

I'm still cranky.

I need my raspberry ice-cream bad...

Who are you to decide what concerto I play...

A truly enlightened society has the responsibility to have laws to protect those who are not capable of protecting themselves.

However, when they come of age to make informed decisions, individuals have the right to decide what they want to do, so long as it is legitimate and does not harm other people.

Paedophiles and sexual predators are to be punished. Because young children and innocent prey are not able to protect themselves.

If, for example, I decide to have a fling with Miss Pretty Woman, what is the government to care? Since time immemorial, prostitution had always been there. Just visit the Pompeii ruins. Read up on the harlems that the Emperors and rulers used to to keep. The sex trade is probably as old as any other trade in the world. So why should prostitution be illegal?

If you need to legalise, license the prostitutes. Maybe this way.

"Hi, I am Anita Blowercort. I want to apply for the P-license."

"Age, height, weight, identification papers."

"There you are."

"Ok. Wait for your medical check up."

After medical check up.

"Miss Blowercort, you are clean. I need to you go to meet a counsellor before you can get your license."

Or "Miss Blowercort, you have syphillis. I need to refer you to the Communicable Disease Centre for more treatment."

This is how you regulate!

Ok, this may be overly simplified. But there are other ways to keep the population in check. Just like how we intend to tackle the gambling problem before we even open our casino doors. For instance,

"Hello, can I speak with Mrs Normus?"

"Yes, Mrs Normus. Your husband, Mr E. Normus wants to engage the services of Miss Anita Blowercort. Are you aware?"

OR

"Hello Mr Normus, can I see the permission slip that your wife has given to you?"

OR

"Mr Normus, you have been banned from all s-organ pubs in Singapore. Please do not come here again or I will need to call the police."

What's the big deal? Do you think there aren't the underground ones? Of course there will be, if not already are. And aren't there now?

With the new laws, we are now letting straight couples do more stunts. But why, oh why, are we letting the Penal Code - a document enacted in 1871 - rule our bedroom lives?

So long as both men do it knowingly and without coercion, what is the big deal? Why hang that large cloud of doubt over their heads?

Who are you to decide what concerto I play with my sex organ?

Aw... C'mon!

The Straits Times (Sep 18 2007)
Home, H11

Male homosexual sex to remain a crime (An excerpt)

The public has spoken: Homosexual sex will remain a crime in Singapore.

The government has decided to retain Section 377A of the Penal Code which makes it an offence for any male to "commit an act of gross indecency" with another male, either in public or private.

The public feedback on the issue had been "emotional, divided and strongly expressed", with the majority of them calling for the section to be retained.

The status quo was arrived at after "looking at the interests of the community as a whole" but the police would not actively prosecute people under that section.

* * *

It just brings back yet another episode (among numerous) when the government did not yield to the public's outcry. Despite the public outcry against raising public transportation prices, the price increase went ahead.

So it looks like what one of the Nominated Members of Parliament said was set to be prophetic.

* * *

The move to retain homosexuality as a crime was a "pity" and a "lost opportunity". It "shows up Singapore as being behind the rest of the world."

As even Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew also noted that homosexuals are "mostly born that way" and that "no public purpose is served in interfering in their private lives", the NMP asked, "Do we need to wait another 23 years for homosexual sex to be decriminalised?"

* * *

I applaud the NMP's efforts but I think 23 years is very conservative. Unless the pink sector really shows what they feel, change may not even come in this lifetime!

The Letter

This is a letter from a sardarji mother to her son at school.

Pyaarey Puttar,

Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or uncle!

Your uncle Jatindar fell into a whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for 3 days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back, the driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety, the other 2 friends drowned because they couldn't get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love,

MOM

P.S. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.



This is the replying letter from the same Sardar son


Sasriakal Bebe,

Thanks for writing that letter slowly. My reading is improving day by day as the makhan you sent me is having its effect. Regarding our address, I am sending this letter at new address, which you have put up in the letterbox recently. I saw it and wrote it down when cycling from school. I really miss home and wonder how our new house would look like. Tell Papaji that I like houses with floor and ceiling and the new one should have one.

How come all the washing machines are having the same problems. I also wanted to wash a few clothes and after pulling the chain, I did not see them either. To my horror, the school warden scolded me and accused me of causing the sewage system to overflow. I wonder how they clean their clothes. I followed your advice to wear one pair and wash the other so now I wash one pair and wear another pair, but how come one is so clean and the other is always so dirty. Please help me to clear this mystery.

The coat you sent me was nice. You should have even cut off the sleeves along with the buttons in order to make the package smaller. Papaji has become a big man, so many men under him. I also want to become like him, but would like to first work under him to gain experience. Tell dear sister I want become an Aunt.

I had my school exams yesterday. I was so confused. It said "write an essay on My Favorite game". I wrote it on Chess. I wrote all about how we used to play chess with Papaji,and you. I also wrote how you and I were best for the doubles team and always used to beat Papaji and sister. It was sad to know about Bantya and Santa. Meetu was fortunate but I have heard once reaching the shore, he wanted to save them and so he went down again and also got stuck like Bantya and Santa I heard they struggled quite hard to get the gate down. VAHE GURU REST THEIR SOLES IN PIECES.

Uncle Jatindar's death is very tragic. I will miss him for he was the only one who used to give me liquor in a barrel, else I always have to suffice with small bottles here.

Yours

Barnam Singh 'Luchha'

P.S. Please write the postal code on the letterbox so that my letters can reach you faster. Do not worry about money, I will have plenty here. Our schoolteacher said they were going to put a money plant in front of my room. I was also going to send you some photographs, but I also sealed the envelope.

Source: http://members.rediff.com/muder/cleanjokes.html

I Want My Raspberry Ripple Ice-Cream!

There, I've made Fraser smile.

I Want World Peace!

[A senseless account of contemporary mis-history.]

Yeah, right. Like I would get world peace. More likely, world p*ss. Just make sure the world doesn't binge on cabbage and asparagus before they piss. I would not want world peace either. Otherwise, there would be absolutely nothing to write about. What good is peas? Apart from being good dietary fibre, peas give you flatulence. So we have old farts talking about world peace and airheads wanting to promote world peace but what we get in the end are bags of hot air.

So why is world peace so elusive? So unimaginably difficult to grasp? So hypothetical?

I think the Smarties have the answer. But I wonder how many you'll need to eat before the cumulative effect of their knowledge will finally reside in your brains. It had better be quick or else your buldging middle from ingesting too much fats and sugar is probably going to do you in first. Perhaps that's why people who go out and promote world peace die young.

I read an article recently about the media whore ex-Princess Diana, I mean, media prostitute. Damn... I really mean media darling, a missile homed on the media, a media princess, yes that's it! Media princess Diana. Why, that conniving thing had the media eating out of her hands. I guess it pays to be different. She was different. Uniquely distinguished from the stoic, stiff-upper-lipped, emotionless family that she married into. Man, if I had Charles, I'll let him have the other flower all righty! And I'll be more loved throughout the world as the princess who did (allow the husband to take a mistress).

I mean, what's the Big Deal? Oh, we don't write it this way. I mean, what's the big deal? I won't fight imaginary enemies. I'd gladly have the flower in my garden than flourishing in some field where I don't know where. And perhaps, the 1-3-5, 2-4-6 and scissors-paper-stone 7 arrangement would make us all happy. No?

If the media whore, oops, media princess and her sister are living under the same palace (that's why they have wings - palatial wings, that is), that could be a start of world peace. For one, the tabloids would have nothing to write.

Ok, they do get something to write. At least they would pay more attention to Freddie Mercury and he wouldn't have to shock the world with his "I Wanna Break Free" MTV. For those who have not seen it, I think you should.

Or maybe they can give more attention to the Cold War. And the Berlin Wall, "Mr President, tear down the wall!" Was that what Mr Reagan said? I think that was a historic moment. But it is stupefying that it took an American to tell the Russians (Mikhail Gorbachev) what to do for the Germans. And for the longest time now, the Germans are one (but underlyingly, the west Germs still call their east counterparts country bumpkins, or so I have been led to believe).

But imagine if the Aryans did not try to juice the Jews. Ok, bad pun, but hey, Einstein moved to US and with his discovery of the atomic bomb, surprise surprise! It was the Japanese who got atomised. Hm... I guess it says never to f*ck with the Americans, especially down there (Pearl Harbour) for they could come and come hard (yes, yes, I am aware of the puns) in your rear.

So, I have moved back in time. And still, I have yet to find out if I should carry on moving backwards to find the genesis of world peace or should I turn to some future events. Maybe backwards. I recall my history teachers talking about the Meiji Restoration (which I cannot remember if it had anything to do with the shot gun Nate, or is it shogunate). All I remembered as a Secondary 2 history student was the advertisement jingle, "Meiji, Meiji, for you and me!". Then, Meiji was a Japanese brand of milk(?), biscuits(?), kiddy jellies(?). I can't remember. Pocket money then was too little to go seek out such high class stuff unless there was proper budgetting. Oh, by the way, the latest reincarnation of Meiji yogurt is simply delicious. I know there had been some problems with their products recently. Perhaps it was intended to clean out the population some, and send the rest on the way to world peace.

So, the Meiji Restoration is not it. Maybe we look at events nearer our generation. Whatever that means. Ah, I know. Maybe James Bond holds the key to world peace. Man, that gold-membered, never-say-never die another day lover of Ivana Shagalot guy with the goofy smile and his arch nemesis were a-laugh-a-minute. Oh, I got it wrong? That was Austin Powers? Oh man, see? How do we get world peace when spoofs are better than the real thing?

Maybe we already have world peace, no? In the make believe world, world peace is an ideal which is achieved when you completely wipe out people who don't agree with you. Without resistance, world peace is possible.

Extrapolating, we have gotten it wrong since the epoch of time. We should never ever had any governments. For world peace is available once anarchy is achieved. A one man anarchy.

Grammar and typo edits - 17 Sep

Perspectives

In My Daughter's Eyes
Martina Mcbride

(James Slater)

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes



I Wonder
Kellie Pickler

Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you’re out there somewhere thinkin' 'bout me
And would you even recognize the woman that your little girl has grown up to be
‘Cause I look in the mirror and all I see are your brown eyes lookin' back at me
They’re the only thing you ever gave to me at all

Oh, I hear the weather’s nice in California
There’s sunny skies as far as I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you’d say to me

I think about how it ain’t fair that you weren’t there to braid my hair like mothers do
You weren’t around to cheer me on
Help me dress for my high school prom like mother’s do
Did you think I didn’t need you here to hold my hand, to dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all?

Oh, I hear the weather’s nice in California
There’s sunny skies as far as I can see
If you ever come back home to Carolina
I wonder what you’d say to me

Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it’s so hard to do
When you’ve been hurt

Oh, I hear the weather’s nice in California
And just in case you’re wondering about me
From now on I won’t be in Carolina
Your little girl is off,
oh your little girl is off,
your little girl is off
To Tennessee

Upgrading

The estate that I'm currently staying in is undergoing some upgrading. The town council will be building additional lifts and sprucing up the environment.

Meanwhile, amidst the dust and din, my quality of life has downgraded some.

My weekends are no longer peaceful but I hear the constant interruption of big machines and work in progress.

Thank goodness I'm moving away soon!

Elective Blackout

The recent posts have been irrational ramblings and cut-and-pastes. There had been little commentary other than some raving and ranting. I had not intended this to be so but there had been far too much of a information overload at my end.

I have become just too happy to turn into a bimbo the minute I can turn off my "power of analysis". My brain is too tired.

Take me literally when I tell you that I am "tired of life". I'm not going to kill myself - *don't worry/sorry for the disappointment. I am just tired of the deluge of minutiae which provide a lot of irri-tainment but little value.

Google news has become my constant companion and so have the other aviation related news headliners and articles which I need to read in the course of my work.

So when I am off work, I simply don't want to talk about what is happening or comment. I can't imagine, sometimes, what my opinions would mean to the Americans if I say how much of a Republican supporter I am and how disappointed I have been of their presidential candidates thusfar. What difference would it have made if I ranted at the Korean missionaries who reduced the nation to adopting a missionary position in front of the Taleban? Who am I to care about global warming since I am part of the problem (I eat too much. Other than that, I am very green.) instead of being the solution? What has Roger Federer winning his fourth consecutive US Open title got to do with me? What good would it be for me to tell you that I very much want to see McLaren get suspended from F1 races for 20 years for industrial espionage?

At the end of the day, I threw out all my thoughts into a thought garbage/recycling bin. I intend to relook the pieces inside there one of these days.

But one of these days is really none of these days and I had just deleted a good number of draft posts from my blog dashboard. I simply can't find it in me to be so impassioned about certain things anymore.

There are things which I am passionate about still but to a large extent, I have managed to find my choir, to whom I preach. Again, though, the futility is evident - why convert the converted? It is such a joke. I feel ready to transcend this level that I am on and elevate myself but when I look around, the next level is where financial positions play a large role.

Upper class folks don't blog. The reporters are their ghost writers and the tabloids and broadsheets are their blogs. Of course, the uppermost crust - crisp, light and delectable - don't even have to do anything. The reporters will think of things about them to blog. Middle class folks like me and many of my friends write our own entries. And I mighty say I feel right at home in their company.

So where am I? Oh, the elective blackout. I still bitch a lot about things that I do not see fairness in. I just bitched about the price increase in public transport. But will I write about it at length? I doubt. It's no longer a writer's block that I suffer but a kind of socio-political inertia - Why ask me if you have already made up your mind? Will my views and inputs make any changes?

Don't get me wrong. I am not indifferent. I could be past that or nearing that. But I have decided that I'll devote my energies to fight more useful battles. For instance, annihilating the ants crawling all over my kitchen hob after my housemate failed to clean up properly after cooking. You certainly can do without certain vermin in your house.

And how has life been during this elective blackout period? Nothing much has changed really. I have more time for television programmes. I have more time to make friends on the web. I still don't like going out although when I am out, I am amenable to meet new people. The trouble to dress up to go out is indeed debilitating. By the time I am ready to get out of the house, my get up and go long got out and went.

I begin to ask myself philosophical questions, such as "If I were adopted by Brangelina...", "If my surname were Wales...", "How do I do a double triple date without getting caught...", "What is the value of being prim and proper...", "When there is is, there was is, then is there is was...", and then decide that maybe the best thing to do is to see if there would suddenly be raspberry ripple ice-cream waiting for me in the freezer.

And when I don't find any, I go and look for blonde jokes and wonder if life would be any different if I were 40 kg lighter, had wash board abs and were blonde too... Life is good.

* - delete where inapplicable.

Desiderata

Max Ehrmann

Dedicated to everyone out there.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
[Source: http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

When you're not sure, you check, don't you?

So what's wrong with me checking to be sure?

If I Set the High School Moral Education Exam...

I never got to set the paper. Maybe they doubted my moral standards. Or maybe the paper would be too tough. Have a go, if you are in need of some perverse fun.

Choose the answer which you think is the least damaging or hurtful.

1. Ali made his girlfriend pregnant. What should he do?
(A) Kick his girlfriend's stomach.
(B) Make his girlfriend eat lots of pineapples.
(C) Make his girlfriend drink a lot of beer.
(D) Make his girlfriend jump up and down.
(E) All of the above.

[Don't laugh. These are all old wives' tales! And another one below.]

2. Mary does not want her baby. To induce an abortion, she can:
(A) See a spiritual medium to expel the baby.
(B) Impale herself on a bamboo to kill the baby.
(C) Suck the baby out with a vacuum cleaner.
(D) Take a very cold bath to freeze the baby.
(E) All of the above.

3. Which of the following can cause pregnancy?
(A) Holding hands.
(B) Kissing.
(C) Swallowing sperm.
(D) Oral sex.
(E) All of the above.
(F) None of the above.

[Amazing what old wives' tales can teach the kids, right?]

4. Which of the following will not spread AIDS?
(A) Unprotected sexual intercourse
(B) Unprotected anal intercourse
(C) Breastfeeding from AIDS-infected mother to her child.
(D) Swallowing AIDS-infected saliva.
(E) None of the above.

5. Peter saw Mary cheat during the exam. Peter:
(A) will not tell the teacher if Mary "does it" with him.
(B) will not tell the teacher if Mary gives him $50.
(C) will not tell the teacher if Mary kisses him.
(D) will not tell the teacher since Mary also caught him cheating.

6. Peter saw his younger brother fall down. He:
(A) should leave him alone since everyone falls down.
(B) should ask his brother to show him how he fell down once again.
(C) clap his hands and congratulate his brother on the wonderful performance.
(D) sign his brother up as a Cirque du Soleil clown.

7. Mary picked up a wallet containing $1,000. Peter was with her. Mary should:
(A) share the money with Peter and throw the empty wallet away.
(B) take the wallet to the police station and accuse Peter of stealing it, since Peter cheated on her.
(C) tell Peter to keep the secret or she'll get her gang to bash him up.
(D) murder Peter so that she can keep the windfall to herself.

8. Mary and Nancy saw a pencil case they both liked.
(A) Mary will let Nancy have the pencil case if Nancy does Mary's homework for a week.
(B) Mary and Nancy should call their gangs to fight and the winner will get the pencil case.
(C) Mary will let Nancy have the pencil case because she is richer than Nancy and can afford a better looking pencil case.
(D) Mary will damage the pencil case and frame Nancy.

This is getting to be an immoral education exam. However, if you were asked to choose the best available option to each question, what would you choose? (Suggested answers in Comments below.)

Lust, Caution

Ang Lee (or Lee Ang, as the right way of calling a Chinese name) won a second Golden Lion at the Venice Film Festival.

His winning entry this time is Lust, Caution. He first won with Brokeback Mountain.

Interestingly, he seems to get it all correct when it comes to dangerous liasons.

Couching Tiger, Hidden Dragon should be refilmed, I guess, into some erotic show. He may well walk away with No. 3. No, I'm not belittling Lee. I think he's a great director. I enjoyed Brokeback Mountain a lot.

I think I'll brave the cinema hazards and watch Lust, Caution.

Keeping sane (II)

Question: When does 12:19 come before 10:19?
Answer: All the time: 12:19 am/pm comes before 10:19 am/pm in the same day.

Question: Which month has 28 days?
Answer: Every month

Question: Which month has 30 days?
Answer: Every month except February.

Question: Which month has 29 days?
Answer: This is too easy - you figure it out!

Keeping sane

Conference looms.

Reports tumble in to be checked.

Write-ups are rife with "cut-and-paste but forget to update" mistakes.

I need to keep sane while I correct these.

10 Things I Wish I Could Do

A little deja vu. Bear with me. Feeling a little Happy Tree Friend-ish today.

1. Spit gum on a woman's long tresses because she played with her hair and invaded my space by tossing out of her hair whatever she wanted remove.

2. Knock down pedestrains who insist on taking their own sweet time jaywalking right in front of my car when they should be using a designated crossing.

3. Kick away like a football...

4. Mow down with my shopping trolley...

5. Drop my bowl of piping hot soup on...

...unattended children who are allowed to run mindlessly into my path, giving me almost no reaction time.

6. Slap that bawling child and the parent - one for not knowing manners and the other for not teaching. Especially if the child was merely bawling to shame the parent or for attracting attention of the passers-by.

7. Pushing the idiot who would not walk to the side of the stairs leading up or down an overhead bridge crossing, especially when my bus is nearly arriving on at the bus stop at the other side of the crossing. (The hand railings are on the sides, so by walking in the centre, the idiot is blocking the entire stairway which is wide enough for two-way human traffic.) A more general version of this wish is to push anyone who occupies more than one "lane" for no good reason when walking.

8. Lock smokers in a fully enclosed room and force them to inhale all the smoke they exhale as well that produced by their cigarette until the air is clear again before letting them out. Fresh air will be provided to ensure that the smokers die of cigarette-related causes and not asphyxiation.

On a related note, I shall not belabour my point about the filterless cigarettes although I have a new idea where legislation should be made such that each cigarette is to be consumed within one inhalation. If a stronger fix is needed, smokers can take a second or a third fag. However, I still insist that the fumes must dissolve within the smokers' bodies and there should be no second-hand smoke.

Amazingly, I feel better already. So the 10 second rule to curb the temper does not really help but verbalising evil thoughts of genocide or gene pool refinements do!

Why I Dislike Going To The Movies

1. Cinemas stink. Literally.

2. Why are people talking so loudly during a movie?

3. Why are people taking over or messaging on their handphones during a movie? If I wanted shine in the dark objects, I'd get radioactive ones.

4. Why can't stupid women stop playing with their long hair? I don't particularly fancy having their lice or dandruff on me.

5. Why is there so much litter?

6. Why do people go to watch a movie when they do everything but?

7. Why are handphones turned on during a movie? There were always pre-screening messages to request patrons to switch their phones to the silent mode.

8. Why must Ah Lian (Ah Beng) put her head (his arm) on Ah Beng's shoulder (across Ah Lian's shoulder)?

9. Why do people who buy the best seats in the middle of the theatre always come the latest? Nothing irritates me more than having my disruptions during a screening.

10. Because I can't claim provocation or get legal immunity if I kill those f*****g b*****ds for destroying my movie experience. Hey, I paid to watch the movie too!

Budgetting

You can either budget or you can't.

You can either stick to the budget or you can't.